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October 2014 Moms
atraveller
member
Baby okay, but lots of sadness & stress; appreciate any support and T&Ps - New UPDATE !!!
atraveller
member
Hi all,
I've been a lot less active in here these past few weeks for many reasons and felt I wanted to post to catch everyone up but also could use some T&Ps and general support. Note: I apologize in advance for the length of this post. August has been a tough month. It started well with my baby shower and seeing all of my friends who I haven't seen in ages and so much generosity but it sort of went down hill from there.
Work has been a killer. My company is great and very understanding but they have really piled it on and it doesn't seem to be slowing. It's circumstance and timing and in general they aren't trying to pile it on, its just happening with the work load on accounts and me working around childbirth classes and doctor's appts, etc..Though normally not an issue, I'm dragging a lot these days and a bit of an emotional basket case,so the overloaded work load has been tougher to keep up with and i'm finding the 12 hour days tougher and tougher and am missing deadlines or not getting the results I (or they) expect. I know if I talked to a manager they'd ease up but I don't want to use the pregnancy card too much as I fear that on the other side when I return from maternity - they will have less work for me and the work and paycheck are important (I'm essentially full time but am remote and am a contractor for them of sorts, so reducing my hours is within their power). Point being my position isn't 100 percent secure and since I'm taking a slightly longer maternity leave than the normal 12 weeks, I don't want to rock the boat.
Coupling that with all that still remains to be done before baby comes and I am overwhelmed and exhausted regularly and finding very little time for down time which is so important right now. I can't remember the last time I just sat and read a book or did nothing for a half-day or even a whole day.
But all of the above would be manageable if I weren't also an emotional basket case over more serious things happening in my life. I found out less than a week ago my mom has been diagnosed with lung cancer. She was a smoker but hasn't smoked in over 20 years. She actually knew for a week and a half before telling me as she was scared the stress would hurt the baby. I told her not to keep me in the dark again, the baby is fine. She had a biopsy yesterday and we'll now the results early next week. Please do send your T&Ps for her. The family is hopeful that the doctor's lack of urgency means it's not the worst kind of cancer and will be treatable. The fact that it has spread to one rib scares us but that it hasn't spread to major organs (liver, heart, kidneys) gives us hope. I'm terrified of what we're going to hear Mon/Tues of next week as I'm simply not ready to lose my mom and can't even think about that. And what's also tough is she may be going through treatments right when the baby is born, so may not be able to be here for the birth of the baby (she lives 6 hours driving from me) and depending on the treatment may not be able to be around the baby during certain times. She has been so excited for this to happen - we had a long road to here and she was so glad when we finally succeeded and now she may miss all of the stuff she's been looking so forward to (as have I looked forward to having her a part of it). But none of that will matter if she can be okay. I'm just scared she won't be.
And if all that emotional strain (trying to be strong when I speak to her and then crying to my husband after every call) wasn't enough, a vet appt. for my cat Luna (who for those who recall has been having a lot of problems) on Monday has the vet convinced she has a brain tumor. I read up on the symptoms and I think the vet is right. Aside from seizures - all of my cat's symptoms scream brain tumor. And I now have some very hard decisions to make. We have her on a new med, as the vet thought she might have fluid on the brain- which tumors can cause - as on Monday she was completely lethargic - moaning (not meowing) and showing no instinctive reaction signs or signs that she could see. The vet said fluid can cause temporary blindness. The good news is the meds seem to be working as she seems more herself and is definitely seeing now, even if that sight is diminished. The bad news is that doesn't eliminate the idea that there is a good chance she has a brain tumor. So our choices - spend close to $2k to get her an MRI. Which would be tough to do no matter what but particularly tough with baby on the way and my maternity leave unpaid. But then it gets harder. If the MRI shows what the vet is thinking - my cat is healthy enough otherwise (good heart, liver, kidney function and all clear blood work) to withstand surgery or treatment - but that then sends us down the rabbit hole financially and no guarantees that such an invasive procedure will bring her back to her old self and give her better quality of life - and if we do chemo for her - she may have to be quarantined due to the baby. Not to mention how we are going to take care of a cat post surgery while dealing with a newborn. On the other hand if we do the MRI and it shows its spread too far and untreatable then we've spent a lot of money to find out she may have months at best to live. And I don't want to make it about finances - because if spending 5K means I can buy my cat 4 more years of quality life, then I would do it - but it's so tough with all the expenses we're now facing. So I have to make some very tough decisions and in a hurry because if it is a tumor, it can only get worse.
Sorry for the novel folks but so much sadness and sickness and emotional strain going on around me. It's a time where there should be joy and excitement but it's so hard to feel all that when I'm mostly feeling stressed and sad every day. My DH is doing everything he can to support me but I can see how much all of my emotional strain is wearing on him - and he's giving up all of his free time to try and get things done that were on my to do list, so he's physically as well as mentally exhausted. I'm going to try and still be around some on here but my apologies if I'm pulled away more than I like. I want to be more active, just finding time has been really tough lately.
Thanks in advance for all of your understanding and support.
UPDATE: Thanks for everyone's kind words. So we found out my mom's cancer is more progressed than originally thought. There's some in both lungs apparently and on the breastbone. Doctor's prognosis is a year to two years, but we are having her seek a second opinion and also keep encouraging her that there are many who get that kind of prognosis and prove docs wrong by living 10 years. She does her 1st chemo treatment this Thursday, another three weeks later and then another three weeks after that. Then they do a scan to see how its working. Any T&Ps you all can send her way that these three rounds of chemo are very aggressive and do what they are supposed to, would be so appreciated. It is unlikely my mom will get up here for the birth or for a visit after, so most likely in early November, once I'm sure baby is okay to travel, I'll be driving down to her. Scary to do when baby is so young, but I WANT my mom to get a chance to see this new baby. I'll update more as I know it.
Luna - she is hanging relatively stable on the steroids and we decided with everyth8ing else going on, we have not ruled out MRI and surgery but are going to wait until mid-November, so we can get past birth and me visiting my mom, etc... then we will see how she is doing, re-evaluate and make a decision. It is tough to wait but my vet actually had a heart to heart with me and he said he can't make the decision for me but based on all he knows thought waiting was a good idea. I trust him, so that's where we're at.
Work - still nuts, but on the home stretch - 1 1/2 more weeks and then I am on maternity leave. So the stress is reducing simply because its close to over.
Thank you all again for all your support - it means a lot. 18 days to due date - how scary - barely had time to think about it lately!
I've been a lot less active in here these past few weeks for many reasons and felt I wanted to post to catch everyone up but also could use some T&Ps and general support. Note: I apologize in advance for the length of this post. August has been a tough month. It started well with my baby shower and seeing all of my friends who I haven't seen in ages and so much generosity but it sort of went down hill from there.
Work has been a killer. My company is great and very understanding but they have really piled it on and it doesn't seem to be slowing. It's circumstance and timing and in general they aren't trying to pile it on, its just happening with the work load on accounts and me working around childbirth classes and doctor's appts, etc..Though normally not an issue, I'm dragging a lot these days and a bit of an emotional basket case,so the overloaded work load has been tougher to keep up with and i'm finding the 12 hour days tougher and tougher and am missing deadlines or not getting the results I (or they) expect. I know if I talked to a manager they'd ease up but I don't want to use the pregnancy card too much as I fear that on the other side when I return from maternity - they will have less work for me and the work and paycheck are important (I'm essentially full time but am remote and am a contractor for them of sorts, so reducing my hours is within their power). Point being my position isn't 100 percent secure and since I'm taking a slightly longer maternity leave than the normal 12 weeks, I don't want to rock the boat.
Coupling that with all that still remains to be done before baby comes and I am overwhelmed and exhausted regularly and finding very little time for down time which is so important right now. I can't remember the last time I just sat and read a book or did nothing for a half-day or even a whole day.
But all of the above would be manageable if I weren't also an emotional basket case over more serious things happening in my life. I found out less than a week ago my mom has been diagnosed with lung cancer. She was a smoker but hasn't smoked in over 20 years. She actually knew for a week and a half before telling me as she was scared the stress would hurt the baby. I told her not to keep me in the dark again, the baby is fine. She had a biopsy yesterday and we'll now the results early next week. Please do send your T&Ps for her. The family is hopeful that the doctor's lack of urgency means it's not the worst kind of cancer and will be treatable. The fact that it has spread to one rib scares us but that it hasn't spread to major organs (liver, heart, kidneys) gives us hope. I'm terrified of what we're going to hear Mon/Tues of next week as I'm simply not ready to lose my mom and can't even think about that. And what's also tough is she may be going through treatments right when the baby is born, so may not be able to be here for the birth of the baby (she lives 6 hours driving from me) and depending on the treatment may not be able to be around the baby during certain times. She has been so excited for this to happen - we had a long road to here and she was so glad when we finally succeeded and now she may miss all of the stuff she's been looking so forward to (as have I looked forward to having her a part of it). But none of that will matter if she can be okay. I'm just scared she won't be.
And if all that emotional strain (trying to be strong when I speak to her and then crying to my husband after every call) wasn't enough, a vet appt. for my cat Luna (who for those who recall has been having a lot of problems) on Monday has the vet convinced she has a brain tumor. I read up on the symptoms and I think the vet is right. Aside from seizures - all of my cat's symptoms scream brain tumor. And I now have some very hard decisions to make. We have her on a new med, as the vet thought she might have fluid on the brain- which tumors can cause - as on Monday she was completely lethargic - moaning (not meowing) and showing no instinctive reaction signs or signs that she could see. The vet said fluid can cause temporary blindness. The good news is the meds seem to be working as she seems more herself and is definitely seeing now, even if that sight is diminished. The bad news is that doesn't eliminate the idea that there is a good chance she has a brain tumor. So our choices - spend close to $2k to get her an MRI. Which would be tough to do no matter what but particularly tough with baby on the way and my maternity leave unpaid. But then it gets harder. If the MRI shows what the vet is thinking - my cat is healthy enough otherwise (good heart, liver, kidney function and all clear blood work) to withstand surgery or treatment - but that then sends us down the rabbit hole financially and no guarantees that such an invasive procedure will bring her back to her old self and give her better quality of life - and if we do chemo for her - she may have to be quarantined due to the baby. Not to mention how we are going to take care of a cat post surgery while dealing with a newborn. On the other hand if we do the MRI and it shows its spread too far and untreatable then we've spent a lot of money to find out she may have months at best to live. And I don't want to make it about finances - because if spending 5K means I can buy my cat 4 more years of quality life, then I would do it - but it's so tough with all the expenses we're now facing. So I have to make some very tough decisions and in a hurry because if it is a tumor, it can only get worse.
Sorry for the novel folks but so much sadness and sickness and emotional strain going on around me. It's a time where there should be joy and excitement but it's so hard to feel all that when I'm mostly feeling stressed and sad every day. My DH is doing everything he can to support me but I can see how much all of my emotional strain is wearing on him - and he's giving up all of his free time to try and get things done that were on my to do list, so he's physically as well as mentally exhausted. I'm going to try and still be around some on here but my apologies if I'm pulled away more than I like. I want to be more active, just finding time has been really tough lately.
Thanks in advance for all of your understanding and support.
UPDATE: Thanks for everyone's kind words. So we found out my mom's cancer is more progressed than originally thought. There's some in both lungs apparently and on the breastbone. Doctor's prognosis is a year to two years, but we are having her seek a second opinion and also keep encouraging her that there are many who get that kind of prognosis and prove docs wrong by living 10 years. She does her 1st chemo treatment this Thursday, another three weeks later and then another three weeks after that. Then they do a scan to see how its working. Any T&Ps you all can send her way that these three rounds of chemo are very aggressive and do what they are supposed to, would be so appreciated. It is unlikely my mom will get up here for the birth or for a visit after, so most likely in early November, once I'm sure baby is okay to travel, I'll be driving down to her. Scary to do when baby is so young, but I WANT my mom to get a chance to see this new baby. I'll update more as I know it.
Luna - she is hanging relatively stable on the steroids and we decided with everyth8ing else going on, we have not ruled out MRI and surgery but are going to wait until mid-November, so we can get past birth and me visiting my mom, etc... then we will see how she is doing, re-evaluate and make a decision. It is tough to wait but my vet actually had a heart to heart with me and he said he can't make the decision for me but based on all he knows thought waiting was a good idea. I trust him, so that's where we're at.
Work - still nuts, but on the home stretch - 1 1/2 more weeks and then I am on maternity leave. So the stress is reducing simply because its close to over.
Thank you all again for all your support - it means a lot. 18 days to due date - how scary - barely had time to think about it lately!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby okay, but lots of sadness & stress; appreciate any support and T&Ps - New UPDATE !!!
Oh that is a heavy load. I am so sorry about your mom's dx and you have my thoughts and prayers headed your way. I can't imagine how upsetting that news is regardless of the timing but especially now it must be super hard to swallow.
I hear you on the rabbit hole with the cat. I am so sorry that you have so many things to decide on. I really hope that the medicine helps and the vet can give some better answers regarding chances vs. cost (I know that sounds cold and that is not my intention).
Hang in there and know that you can handle all of this even if it feels like you can't.
Me: 34 DH: 34
TTC since Jan '13
BFP#1 - EDD 3/24/14 - d&c 7w5d
BFP#2 - EDD 6/14/14 - cp 4w2d
BFP#3 - EDD 10/28/14 - It's a BOY!!! - Born 10/26/14
BFP #1 05/16/10 EDD 01/13/11 natural m/c 11w1d (unknown cause)
BFP #2 03/24/11 EDD 12/06/11 missed m/c D&C 10w (Triploidy xxx)
BFP #3 12/24/11 EDD 09/02/12 missed m/c D&C 10w4d (Triploidy xxx)
BFP #4 02/10/14 EDD 10/19/14 - Baby boy made his arrival 10/02/14!
BFP #5 05/08/15 EDD 01/19/16 C/P 05/14/15
BFP #6 06/05/15 EDD 02/18/16 *It's a GIRL!!*
My Blog My Chart
Me- 36 DH- 40 ***TTC since 1/13
BFP #1 - 4/3/13 *** EDD 12/13/13 ***M/C 4/12/13 @5wks 1 day
BFP#2 - 1/29/14 ***EDD 10/11/14
It's a GIRL!!!
We are having a rough time right now too. Our 13.5 year old beagle has untreatable sinus cancer. He's still ok, but he could have a nosebleed anytime that just won't stop and that will be the end. It's unimaginably hard. I'm so sorry Luv.
I'll be sending positive healing thoughts your way!
I don't have much advice on the cancer, it just sucks. I hate that you and your family are having to deal with that.
For your cat you can check out some of the local rescue shelters. Sometimes they will do fundraising for these types of situations and may be able to you establish something.
We took our dog in for an MRI because she was having partial seizures and we assumed a brain tumor. She actually had a spinal tumor and the vet recommended we biopsy it. So after 2k for the MRI and 5k for the surgery to try to remove it and biopsy it, we found out that she had a treatable type of cancer and about a 50-80% chance of survival. Plus she was only six and no other medical problems, and she was our heart dog. So we took our chances and treated her with radiation (at least 8k) and chemo (2k) and she sadly passed away about 1 year and a half after diagnosis. My point in telling you this story is, it's very hard to make these decisions and it's also hard to stop when you've already invested so much into their diagnosis and treatment. We loved our dog more than anything but we always say that we don't know if we would do it again. It seriously cost us over $20,000 after everything was said and done, and we just finished paying off care credit two years later, and we made a lot of sacrifices in those years because we had and still have so much debt. You have a lot going on. Don't feel guilty if you decide not to treat her. Sometimes the nicest thing we can do for our pets is to let them go. You don't know what tomorrow brings. Please let me know if you ever want to talk. Hugs.
My mom - We are still awaiting final results of her biopsy and course of treatment but preliminary results show it to be all large cell cancer. No cancer is good -but what I now about it is small cell is the one to be scared of and large cell is the one people fight most successfully - so there is hope there and we're all holding onto it. I'll keep you all posted as I know more.
amstevens78 - So sorry about your dad. That had to be so hard. I appreciate your sharing that with me, as I'm sure your loss is still very fresh and painful. All of my thoughts are with you and your family as well.
@HelloSweetie1 - So sorry about your beagle - sending T&Ps right back at you.
And to everyone else - thank you, thank you, thank you - the kind words, the support - it helps. If I'm not on here much this week, it's not because I don't want to be - I'm really feeling a sense of community here that wraps me up like a warm blanket on a cold night - it's just work is such a bitch (for lack of a more eloquent word) right now. I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday.
@BBrady - sorry for what you dealt with, with your dog - thank you for sharing your story.
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