Where are your parents/family?

Re: Where are your parents/family?

• Unknown

  August 2014

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• MrsT0514 member

  August 2014

  Im sorry your inlaws are uninvolved. I can sort of relate.
  
  Both my and DH's family live 2 hrs away in another state. My parents are very involved- my mom comes up and visits/ babysit at least once or twice a month which is nice. Although extended family on either side, we dont get to see much (once every few months at a family gathering).
  
  My in laws, we dont see much of. Like your MIL, my MIL likes to be the "party animal". She enjoys going out drinking with her gfs (she drinks way too much way too often, IMO) and her social life has always come first to her. So we dont see much of her and FIL. I do wish they had different priorities and made more of an effort to be a positive part of our son's life, but it is what it is. Plus with my MILs behavior (especially her drinking), I'm ok with not having to expose my son to it often.
  
  Its unfortunate, but DH and I have realized, that you cant change people...you can only change how you react to them.

  

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• Bythebeach09 member

  August 2014

  My mother lives 2500 miles away. Dh's family is local but both his parents have passed away. He has a sister here but she's busy with her own life and teenage daughter. I have a sister and brother here but they, too, are busy working, with kids, etc. I had my kids 14 months apart and had no help. My parents (father now deceased) were here for DS's birth but flew home before I left the hospital. They didn't fly in for DD's birth. In fact, I was all alone in the hospital after having her (c/s) and had zero help with either one after coming home with them (except for DH). It used to really upset me that people seemed uninterested in my family but I've learned to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment. It doesn't always work, though. I just chalk it up to people sucking.

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• IForgotMyLogIn member

  August 2014

  My mom is about 100 miles away, my Dad about 250, and the in laws about 300. They're also all in their 70s so even if they're around they aren't really much help with a two year old.
  We see them about as much as we'd like to, which isn't all that often.

   
  

  (Formerly MamaBearKendy)

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• Samiantha101 member

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  You're not alone. My husband's mom abandoned him when he was 11. His father is dead. He has a bunch of uninvolved half siblings, two of whom he has never met. He has an aunt he talks to frequently, but she really isnt any sort of "grandma" replacement and lives thousands of miles away.
  
  I have my mom, who has a co-depedant relationship with my drug addict sister. My mom thought I was some kind of uppity biotch for not letting her take my then 1 year old to a halfway house my sister was living at. They live 8 hours away. My father lives on the opposite side of the country. He was always really good about mailing his child support check, but that was the extent of his fathering.
  
  My mom has seen my daughter on about 8 different occasions. My father has seen her twice, one time was for about 10 minutes. My sister has seen her 3 times. 1 out of 5 of my husband's half siblings saw her once, only due to us facilitating the visit. We also visited my husband's aunt once with our dd.
  
  I guess it can always be worse.

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• NotSharknado member

  August 2014

  My parents are gone and now only have a MIL for my kids and she's not involved either.
  
  I can sit here and cry about it and judge, but I won't. Instead I man up and accept the fact that not all grandparents are your cookie cutter doting GiGis and Papas. My kids aren't missing out IMO.
  
  I will say I get a twinge of jealousy when I hear about others dropping their kids off for a fun filled weekend with the grandparents. I could use that every now and again.

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• ShakeyJakey member

  August 2014

  My dad passed away when I was a teen and my mom and ILs live less than 10 minutes away. I'm glad to have them here but it does mean we have to see either both or neither on Mother's Day and Father's Day and Christmas etc. And I hear their opinions on everything. But I don't have to worry about having sitters most of the time. There are pros and cons.

  Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

  
  

  There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
  Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
  Without you I'll never make it out alive
  But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
  

  -----------------------------------------------------------------------

  J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 

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• stra0111 member

  August 2014

  DH's mom took off when he was 6, his Dad we haven't spoke to in over 2 years (he is endless drama). My father, I hardly know and haven't heard of in 10 years. My mom and step dad just moved about 20 mins away but we are seeing less and less of them lately. They are always busy. Whatever, fine. Except for my mom who is full of empty promises and excuses and always says she wants "more time" with the girls and sleep overs. Not gonna happen. They drink alot and I don't like their lack of discretion around a 3 year old. I visit but she basically gives 15 minutes of attention to the kids and then busies herself with household chores or facebook. She hardly ever comes here. I know the frustration. I need to let go of my expectations but it does feel better to express the feelings of disappointment. 

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• Dubwife79 member

  August 2014

  Clearing my box. I have a lot of feels on this subject so there was a crapton of type/delete going on.

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• jesuisfatiguee member

  August 2014

  I don't talk to my family. They are abusive and fucked up, and I have a lot of sorting out to do before I try to reconcile. 

  
  

  I don't have an SO, so I guess the train stops there. Heh.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• seahorse102410 member

  August 2014

  Not terribly far from my mom but she works and just doesn't have time.  If she does she keeps my sister's kids.  In laws are older so they can't deal.  I have a horrible time finding babysitters so it does kinda bother me.  Oh well.

  

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• lildevil968 member

  August 2014

  My parents are 1200 miles away in Washington State. My brother and sister live in Oregon. We see my parents about 1-2 times a year. We see my siblings every other year. DH's parents live 2 hours away, and we see them every couple of weeks. DH's brothers live in Texas, and we might see them every year if we are lucky. Usually they only come and see us if we pay their way, and we are tired of that shit. The only time we hear from DH's brothers is when they want to borrow money.
  

  
  
  
  

   

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• WatchmansMoon member

  August 2014

  I appreciate what you said " I've come to understand how family is a greater gift than any other that one can buy and now I simply accept the gifts, force the calls on my own, and move on. " Although it's really sad your in-laws are so aloof. Family IS hugely important - you have that right, and you're doing all you can on your part to get them to appreciate it as well. If they're all in the same area 6-8 hrs away, would it be feasible for you to go visit them for some upcoming holiday, like Christmas and just stay at a hotel in the area? You could ask that someone host a family gathering at their home, while at the same time offering to host it at your home if they're willing to come visit. ?? At least, like you say, you're asking, whether they respond well or not. I hope they can come to understand how important family is to you and to your children as well. HUGS!

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• SpaceGirlSpiff member

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  I'm in So Cal, and majority of my H's family lives within 20 minutes of us so...they're really our "primary" family contact and I feel very comfortable with them as I've known them since I was 16...sometimes I feel closer to his parents than my own nowadays..... I also have my own Uncle and cousins that live in CA as well, but we still don't really see each other with the exception of my boss who is my cousin's husband.  I see him more than I see my actual blood relatives and that's just becuase we work together... my family has never really been the close-knit type though.

  
  

  My Mom lives in Nevada... it's a long-ish drive (especially with a toddler) so we don't make that trip right now, but she comes here usually at least a couple times a year.

  
  

  My Dad and Stepmom live in my home town in AZ still, but we never had a tight-knit relationship so visits with him are few and somewhat far between.  

  
  

  I have some family (last living grandparent and some aunts, uncles and cousins) in Colorado... don't really see them much anymore either.  Many of them have not even been able to meet my almost 3 year old in person.... but at least there's facebook for pictures I guess.

  
  

  
  

  
  

    
  

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• JSNoto member

  August 2014

  Well, I must admit I feel a bit better.  To clarify a couple of things, my household does not participate in Facebook (period).  We went once but some of the key people were "unavailable" and I tell you that with a one and two year old, that is a huge accomplishment (if you've done it you know this requires a huge unrooting of your house especially when you've got one that is skin and stomach sensitive to what feels like everything, stay in a hotel, and coordinate with the divorced).  Every visit is made to appear similar to that of a "task". . visiting because you're "suppose to" and not because you want to (which I would can any day of the week if it were up to me).  I guess the 'ish thing is that there is only one side and that amplifies what is going on (or not).  Like someone else said, you can tell when certain ones are mentally present when they go off on how bad their x-significant other was. . it's like looking in a funhouse mirror.  

  Anyhow, I wanted to see what "really" goes on with other families.  Thanks for sharing ;-)

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• Wulfgar member

  August 2014

  My parents are the ones that tend to be very busy and don't see us that often.  I do try to call them every now and again and try to set things up.  My brother lives about 2 hours away and I don't like to drive too much.  My sister lives about 8 hours away and we see them even less.

  
  

  We tend to spend a lot more time with MW's family since most of them live locally and they have family gatherings at all major holidays.

  
  
  
  

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• angelashly member

  August 2014

  Both our families are within 10 min of us. We live seriously right in the middle. My mom still works full time and has my 6 year old sister so she tries to stay involved but it's hard with our schedules.
  
  My mil doesn't work and is heavily involved. She is a back up babysitter.
  
  Everyone is different with how they are with grand kids. Sorry your in laws aren't more involved but it's how they are and you can't judge them for it.

  
  

  
  
  

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