For those in the closet about TTC...

greysweatshirt · August 2014

anyone else irrationally paranoid about people finding out?

How are you keeping it secret?!

I created a different pinterest account, but I know I'm gonna be logged onto my normal one and accidentally post something about nurseries or labor tips and give it away...

Also, I've always been so averse to having kids and now I find myself staring at babies or families in public.... I'm convinced someone in DH's family is going to notice

I also contributed entirely way too much in a conversation concerning someone DH's family knows is TTC... My mouth kept saying things like "well she should start temping and charting" and my mind was saying "shhhhuuuttttt your mouth immediately!"

Also thinking someone is going to notice The Bump app on my phone so I have it hidden...

PrimRoseMama · August 2014

Honestly if they do find out? :-??

I'm not all Super Secret Squirrel about it. I just don't discuss my sex life with anyone. Not their business.

thewickedfairy · August 2014

I have no real way to tell you how I'm keeping it quiet. I have almost spread the word twice thanks to wine.

greysweatshirt · August 2014

Jesiy_Lyn said:

I have no real way to tell you how I'm keeping it quiet. I have almost spread the word twice thanks to wine.

hahaha, theres a strong possibility of this happening ... but it would be such a pandora's box that I've managed to keep quiet

thewickedfairy · August 2014

DarcyHermione said:

Jesiy_Lyn said:

I have no real way to tell you how I'm keeping it quiet. I have almost spread the word twice thanks to wine.
That's how I told my mom at the 6 month mark. It was Thanksgiving, I was drunk and tired of her asking all the time. Then I had two more drinks and threw everything up. Good times.

I almost spilled to my mom the other day because I had been drinking wine. All I kept thinking was, "Mom, guess what! I had my Paragard taken out!" Then the next thought was, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Shut up, shut up, shut up!!" LOL! I'll be excited whenever we do tell them we are TTC or pregnant.

splashmountain · August 2014

My sister is the only one I've told, but I'm not really paranoid about anyone else finding out. They ask all the time and get the same "maybe some day" from both DH and I.

3houlagirl · August 2014

I live a 12 hour drive away from my family. It just never comes up during phone calls.

I haven't had trouble keeping it to myself, but if they found out I wouldn't stress about it.

maybeemama · August 2014

Secret Pinterest boards and this board are really the only ways I'm keeping sane.

I have an irrational fear about going to parties when we finally get a BFP. I'm not the kind of girl to turn down a beer, so I've been googling ideas on how to look like I'm drinking without drinking.

I did have to ask my mom about some family medical history (bc I knew it would come up in my first prenatal appointment) and when she raised an eyebrow, I said that I have a new doctor and their questionnaire is really in depth.

BillyHorrible · August 2014

I don't do pinterest, so I don't need to worry about secret boards, and my friends and family don't look at my computer history.

I always have a ton of things to talk about that aren't baby related so usually conversations don't necessarily veer towards anything related to that.

maybeemama · August 2014

@aeryfaery‌ oh I know what you mean about twitter!!!! Now I'm worried about that, too.

greysweatshirt · August 2014

darcypeik said:

I'm not the kind of girl to turn down a beer, so I've been googling ideas on how to look like I'm drinking without drinking.

lol, thats hilarious.....

football season= me wondering if I could get away with walking around with a mich ultra that i've poured out and replaced with water...

maybeemama · August 2014

@kdr1710‌ that's exactly what I'm planning to do! Pretend I'm going potty and really pouring out my coors and refilling with water. Makes me sad to waste beer though...

The worst part right now is that I'm supposed I bring my "famous" Jell-O shots to the Iowa/Iowa State game and if we are KU I can't figure out how to NOT have one.

maybeemama · August 2014

@emilie818 That's why we will wait until the last possible moment to tell my MIL.

newenglandgal0802 · August 2014

I'm not paranoid but I'm not running around shouting it from the mountain tops either. I told my Grandma (she's pretty much my best friend) and one of my good friends but all I said was we aren't "not trying." When other people ask me or mention babies I just say maybe someday!

Last night was hard I went to the bar with friends for dinner/drinks and I'm in the TWW and don't want to drink (I know most people say drink til it's pink but my DH asked me not to) and they kept trying to force shots and drinks on me (our friend is the bartender). I kept saying I wasn't feeling well but I've been known to have a glass or maybe a bottle of wine when under the weather before so I'm not sure they believed me but oh well they didn't ask and I didn't say.

ramaholic · August 2014

Irrationally paranoid about people finding out? I have found my thread.

I try not to hang out with anyone if we're not doing a very specific activity. Hasn't come up in a little while (few months) and when it does, I shrug and give vague, "Soon, maybe," or, "When the Baby Gods bestow one upon me," lines. Also, I waffle on wanting to tell my mom because on the one hand, I want to hear what supposed infertility issues she had (in case they're genetic and something that may effect me), but on the other, I'm not ready to deal with, "Oh my gahd, Rama, you should wait because you're so young and you need to enjoy your husband and your house is a mess," along with every other excuse in the book to use with your deadbeat, teenage child. ALSO also, she'll be accusing me, not asking, of being pregnant EVERY SINGLE TIME something wasn't peachy keen with me.

ramaholic · August 2014

aeryfaery said:

@ramaholic wait, are you a teenager?

If so, bravo because I would never have guessed. And also, you're awesome.

@aeryfaery Hahaha, no. Not by a long shot. I'll be 26 in November. And when I was a teenager, I wasn't a deadbeat teenager. I had my first job the year I was legally allowed to work and have done everything I can over the years to minimize their control on my life (they still get to manipulate me 'cause I'm the oldest and I get intense guilt feels, blah). They do, however, still TREAT me like a teenager. Infuriating.

ETA: tag, 'cause I know I don't get notifications that people have replied to me using quotes

Duggan11 · August 2014

Definitely have a secret Pinterest board .... My mother in law is coming to visit us this weekend so I will have to step up my game on the "in the closet" bit. Thermometer and chart stashed and no Bump on the computer or phone lol. I'm sure she would be very happy about it as she has been hinting at me for about a year now but if she knows everyone will within a day and we just aren't ready for the less supportive family members.

BlackNYellow · August 2014

I definitely am very paranoid about people at work finding out. I work in a heavily male dominated field and getting pregnant is frowned upon here (by coworkers, my boss and admin). If anyone did find out we were TTC my life would be hell at work. Literally hell.

So in order to protect our dirty little secret I have private pinterest boards, browse in the incognito mode on Chrome, and try to avoid bumping at work. If I do log onto bump I will use my phone to browse with the brightness turned all the way down. I close safari when I am done so thebump.com doesn't pop up the next time I need the internet.

I also post pictures of DH's beer on instagram. This way family thinks we are not TTC. I don't even like beer that much but I would rather not have family talking, ya know?

Carebear7777 · August 2014

I had 2 random (read: not friends) people ask me if I'm pregnant the month we started TTC. One said she has "intuition" about these things & has never been wrong. I just say, "no, not now but we do want another someday."

maggie515 · August 2014

I was loose lipped about having another after DH finished school. Now that graduation is rolling around the corner and we are "practicing" aka bye bye IUD hello temps! I cringe at the thought of the graduation day onslaught of comment about the state of my ute. We used to be super open, but recently I've felt like locking our life behind a door.

NenaB54 · August 2014

As many of you have experienced, pretty much from the moment we got married random ppl would ask me all the time when we r having kids. (Very annoying btw!) At the time I would tell them we want to enjoy married life a bit first - which was the truth. Now that we are TTC, I did tell my sis in law, and best friend - who I confide in and help me through. Some close friends know we are trying as well, but I don't update them. I have said things like, "we r ready if it should happen."My mother knew I wanted to start trying this month, and flat out asked me after she got home from vacation if I had any news lol. So although I wanted to wait to tell her more until I got a BFP, she is kinda in the loop too. I feel like the less ppl that kno the better. Who needs that added pressure or questions ? Especially if there is a problem conceiving , or God forbid a miscarriage. None of us can know what lies ahead of us in this TTC journey, and I for one do not want a million ppl knowing my business in a moment like that.

Edit: typing on the app is not working for me !

LittleMrsW · August 2014

My family didn't know we were trying until I told them about our loss. Since then, no one has asked if we are trying again. I think they don't want to bring up anything that would make me sad or hurt my feelings, which I totally appreciate. I would much rather them not ask about future plans than spout off things like @CFearsy pointed out.

MrsC0617 · August 2014

I just give the "maybe someday" or "I don't know if we want kids" so I don't have to let people know that TTC has been eating away at me for 8 fucking months.

mylittlekitty · August 2014

We decided not to tell anyone. DH and I play the game of 'he's ready for kids but I'm not' when anyone brings it up. If someone flat out asks 'When are you having kids?' then we've been known to say 'It could be as early as 9 months from this morning! High five!!'. It really throws our very Catholic family members for a loop because everyone knows that you don't talk about sex! 8-|

When and if I get pregnant I will have to tell my coworkers ASAP because I work with gas anesthesia and xrays on a daily basis. Our friends and family will have to wait until after the 1st tri to find out. They know me as quite the beer drinker so that will be hard to fake.

greysweatshirt · August 2014

my plan for work is this....

nandaboob06 · August 2014

CFearsy said:
When we first started TTC in January, I told my best friend, my sisters, and my mom (I wasn't planning on telling my mom but sort of ended up having to because she kept trying to alter my bridesmaids dress, but I needed her to wait a few more weeks in case I was pregnant because boobs). Now that we're TTC again since our loss (our families and close friends know about our loss), we decided not to tell anyone except for our two best friends. We really appreciated the support we received from our families, however, the majority of people don't know how to handle this topic and we got all sorts of bullshit responses like:
God has a plan
It'll happen when it's meant to be
You have a 99.9% chance that this (miscarriage) won't happen again
It's time to move on
It's nature's way of taking care of things
Whenever I think about telling someone else, I just remember these phrases to remind myself why I'm shutting the fuck up about this.

whoa. Someome said 'its natures way of taking care of things'? Im so sorry. That pissed me off.

mustloveerica · August 2014

I guess we are kind of in the closet. I don't want to tell people because I don't want to constantly be asked if I'm pregnant yet. DH mom still manages to ask at least twice every time I see her (which is very often). The constant asking makes me stress out or feel like we aren't trying hard enough or that we are doing it wrong.

SwivelChair5 · August 2014

We haven't told anybody we are TTC. The mothers ask us all the time when we are having kids and we will shut that conversation down pretty fast. We feel it is nobody's business but ours, and when it happens, family won't find out until 2nd trimester.

Breakfast4dinner · August 2014

Secret Pinterest boards for sure. We have a son so I just focus on saying 'we like focusing on L right now'.

I don't really want others to know b/c if it takes a long time the more people who know will = more stress for me.

easto296 · August 2014

My problem is all my co-workers are on my case about getting pregnant. I just give them the "it'll happen when it's meant to happen" speech.

sgarmand · August 2014

In July, I found out I was pregnant after getting some blood work done before I was scheduled to have a procedure. We were shocked since my doctor had recently told me I more than likely wasn't ovulating. I lost my mom to breast cancer two years ago, and my dad and I talk about once a week or so, but my DH and I are really close with his family. We told them the news and they reacted less than excited. Not mad, just "Oh, really?" and then continued on with dinner. Super awkward. Super uncomfortable. Super shitty feeling. So now that we're actually TTC, we're keeping things under wraps and it's not hard because my dad and stepmom don't ask, and I'm still hurt by my in-laws reaction, so there's no temptation to spill the beans. Sometimes it's hard to not want to tell some of the girls I work with, but I don't want the pressure! Plus, I get really tired of the judgemental comments like "But you're so young, you should wait!" (I'll be 24 next month) or "You haven't been married long enough to want kids." Sigh...

sgarmand · August 2014

@CFearsy‌ you're not alone in that boat, I can't even count on two hands how many times someone has said that to us. And every time I'm still like whaaa? No.

knottiedbf7d76d53441d4d · August 2014

My fiancé and I have been trying to hide us TTC. I sort of want to shout it out at the world but he likes to hide it since I'm a bit on the young side. I think our roommates are picking up on it though because I won't drink with them anymore and I'm paying close attention to my diet. But my fiancé thinks everyone will judge us since I'm so young so... I have to hide it.

PrimRoseMama · August 2014

@Afilova‌ : are you legal? (18)?

nandaboob06 · August 2014

CFearsy said:

nandaboob06 said:

CFearsy said:
When we first started TTC in January, I told my best friend, my sisters, and my mom (I wasn't planning on telling my mom but sort of ended up having to because she kept trying to alter my bridesmaids dress, but I needed her to wait a few more weeks in case I was pregnant because boobs). Now that we're TTC again since our loss (our families and close friends know about our loss), we decided not to tell anyone except for our two best friends. We really appreciated the support we received from our families, however, the majority of people don't know how to handle this topic and we got all sorts of bullshit responses like:
God has a plan
It'll happen when it's meant to be
You have a 99.9% chance that this (miscarriage) won't happen again
It's time to move on
It's nature's way of taking care of things
Whenever I think about telling someone else, I just remember these phrases to remind myself why I'm shutting the fuck up about this.
whoa. Someome said 'its natures way of taking care of things'? Im so sorry. That pissed me off.

Yeah, I've actually gotten that response several times...pisses me off everytime too. It's pretty shitty and makes me all ragey.

Im (not) sorry but fuck them. That is such a shitty thing to say.

CaveWmnInBrit · August 2014

My family knows we are trying ( I am about to be 31 and we have been together 7 years)... and my close family knows we have been trying for a while and things are not going well...

I let those know because I will need the support should I need to take things further and further....

Also my close rugby friends know bc if I get a magical BFP I wont be able to play... and unless I happen to break some bones right when I concieve keeping it a secret for 12 weeks will not be an option

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