First time mom and i'm really nervous — The Bump
3rd Trimester

First time mom and i'm really nervous

hey guys! i'm 33 weeks preggers and this is my first baby and i'm soooooooooo nervous!!! omg i never imagined that i would be this nervous. i was really calm and collective all thru-out my pregnancy but as my due date is getting nearer (49 more days to go) i'm a mess. i'm really scared. what if i'm not a good mom and i don't know how to take care of my baby? or what if my LO doesn't love me? what if he's born with some weird illness because of something i did or didn't do during my pregnancy? what if i go into preterm labor and something goes wrong? what if, what if, what if? ok i'm sorry i know i'm ranting. does anyone else have the pre-baby gitters? what can i do to relax my nerves? t

Re: First time mom and i'm really nervous

  • I'm a first time mom too... our LO is due in a few weeks. (im 37 weeks now). it's normal to have mix feelings.
    Worried the LO would be healthy, happy and everything goes well during labour and delivery, breast feeding etc.
    But I find it helps to do research. Be armed with knowledge as the previous post said. Also just looking forward to holding the LO and sharing/starting a new life as a family together is what helps with the worries.
    Think of the positive, think of the good stuff only!
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  • Relax. It's normal to have questions and anxieties as a FTM. I second the reading suggestion. Try not to stress. You'll be surprised how much just falls into place once baby arrives.
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  • thanks everyone! its good to know that this is all normal, i feel less of a freak and a failure now. i've been doing research but to me every time i read the bad outweighs the good and i keep thinking of every thing that could go wrong. my fiance is so good during this time he's helping me to keep calm. thank God for a great person like him in my life. 
    thanks again guys.  
  • aditigirl said:
    It's completely normal. Breathe. I would look into birthing classes or read a book if you haven't already. Knowledge is power. But don't read "What to Expect".
    This.  "What to Expect" is really just an encyclopedia of everything that could ever go wrong.  And hormones are wreaking havoc on your emotions. Sometimes just realizing this can also help you ride out the highs and lows.

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  • I can definitely relate. I am 29 weeks and the closer we get to my EDD the more anxiety I have. Also, I think these boards have helped me a lot. Have you joined your birth month club yet? It helps to have other women to support what Im going through. Makes me feel less alone.
  • I would definitely recommend a birthing class. I was so nervous and felt overwhelmed with information and "what ifs" when I was pregnant. I attended a birthing class that included birthing techniques, pain management (including medication) options, went over c-section information in case of an emergency and also covered basic "when you get home with baby" stuff and breastfeeding. It really calmed my nerves and helped me sort out and compartmentalize my fears about labour and breastfeeding, etc.
    Knowing what is about to happen in a non-"worst cade scenario" way really helps you prepare.

    Most personal advice from people is their stories which people share when something doesn't go normally, but those are not the norm. A birthing class will take you through what you can actually except, not the extremes. And a class will take you through some other scenarios in a more educational way. Then if something does not go as planned you will be prepared, but it won't fill you mind with fears leading up to the big day!
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  • I'm 37 weeks today, and I definitely still have the jitters simply because I'm also a FTM, but the classes that DH and I have taken at the hospital over the past few weeks have helped to ease so many of my concerns and fears. I'm much less overwhelmed at this point than I was at 33 weeks because of them! Like @RachelCA29, I feel that the birthing/labor class was exceptionally helpful for me, but I also am really glad that we took courses on breastfeeding and infant safety/CPR. Taking a tour of the hospital also helped me to feel more prepared. My best advice would be to take as many classes as you can and ask tons of questions while you're there! 

    Before, I was reading too much online and psyching myself out with all of the scary "one in a million" cases out there. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be informed about what could go wrong, but I wish I had focused more earlier in the pregnancy on things that I can control rather than those that I can't. 

    I hope you start feeling more relaxed and confident soon! Just remember that you're not alone. :)

  • I'm also a FTM and like PP's stated before, educating myself and taking in all the information I can get has helped. My nerves and hormones have gotten worse with each passing day but I'm noticing a lot of that is positive. It's excitement. I even dream about delivering every night now.
    Just hang in there and enjoy your pregnancy. Best wishes!
  • Adding another voice to the chorus - it's normal to be scared/freaked out/super nervous/way too excited to be a sane person. :)

    During my first pregnancy, it really helped me to talk to other moms and hear their stories (people I knew who were my friends and not just randoms trying to scare me!). It also helped me to think about all the people I know who are totally incompetent idiots who have successfully raised children - if they could do it, I could do it! :P 

    With Baby#2 I'm still anxious about something going wrong and I'm still worried about my ability to be a mom to double the babies I currently have, but although every pregnancy, labor, and baby is different, it feels like there are fewer unknowns this time around. 
  • As PPs said, BREATHE.  It will all be okay.  You can't control what illnesses or problems might happen, so just pray for a healthy baby, and then if you have anything that needs attention, you will deal with it after the birth.  Stressing out about unknowns and hypotheticals will not help.  Relax, rub that belly, and read some happy books. 

    Also, remember, if you take a class, talk to other moms or read books on parenting, EVERY KID AND EVERY PARENT IS DIFFERENT.  There is no one right way to do anything.  Whenever you are in doubt, talk to your doctor, and then, after the baby is born, talk to the pediatrician.  They will help alleviate your fears.

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  • You'll be ok!

    I was really nervous too. About everything - becoming a mom, going through labor, will my baby like me, will I resent my baby and the lack of sleep, will things ever be the same between DH and I again... when will life be NORMAL again?

    PPs suggestions of taking a class is great, mostly because you are armed with information. But be flexible too! And know that the doctors and nurses deal with FTMs all the time, so don't be afraid to ask for extra information or clarification on things. 

    One thing I didn't realize is how much the nurses will help you out post partum. I had only changed a diaper once before my son was born. The nurses were AWESOME about this. They showed DH and I how to do everything with our son, including swaddling and nursing. And they never, ever made me feel like an idiot because I didn't already know. By the time we left, I felt confident I could keep DS alive! 

    And then adjusting to the new normal takes a long time. But it does happen, and you will be amazed at how much you love your baby.

    Good luck! Get some sleep!
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