Why adoption and the ILs could be interesting — The Bump
Adoption

Why adoption and the ILs could be interesting

We just got home from a few days with DH's rather large extended family. We heard through the grapevine that one of DH's cousins is having TTTC, and her mother announced on Christmas Eve that they're going to adopt:

"Yeah, they're going to try for a toddler to start, then they're going to put their name in for a baby [???]. We're really hoping that once they adopt, they'll be able to have a baby of their own." To which my MIL replies, "Yeah, that's what always happens. As soon as you adopt, you get pregnant." Indifferent

So I just can't wait to tell them about our adoption plans. I think our announcement is going to be accompanied by some serious literature.

Re: Why adoption and the ILs could be interesting

  • No matter how much you try to educate people, they will ALWAYS tell you that as soon as you adopt, you will get pg.  We have adopted twice and are going to adopt again and everyone still insists I will get pg after we adopt our third child.  We have been told that we will now " relax and let nature take its course" about three thousand times.  I just tell them that God gave me my children, they were born in my heart instead of under my heart.  That usually makes them think. 

     

    Kat

  • Oh I love families...LOL...We got that same comment from MIL when we first told them :::Banging head on desk:::

    Hopefully you can set them straight on all that. 

  • I love that you are going to give them literature.  People just don't know and they spread what they think is hope, but is statistically so incorrect.  Good luck to you - you seem to have an uphill battle, but if anyone can do it - it's you!
  • ooo- Literature is a good idea.  My mom has already said "now that you are looking into adoption maybe you'll get pregnant on your own".  Riiiight, cuz it's not the # of eggs that I have that is the problem - it's that I'm too wound up.  Silly me. 

     

     

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  • I had told a coworker and my hairdresser that we are adopting and got the whole you'll-get-pg-now comment, too.  I told both of them the odds of that happening and they still repeated themselves.

     Some people just don't get how painful that is.

  • Ugh.  Rolling my eyes here for you!  I have an aunt that told me at least 386 times during our wait that once we adopted, I would be pregnant within the year.  Well, guess what?  My DD turned one year old earlier this month, and I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!  I honestly finally just had to tell her flat out that she needed to stop saying that because 1.) it was disrespectful to our future child, as if he or she wouldn't be "good enough," and 2.) we had made our decision to adopt and were HAPPILY moving forward with it; it was not a "second best" option to us, and so to keep bringing up pregnancy was painful and hurtful.  She understood and hasn't said a word about it since.  And anyway, since DD came, everybody is so ridiculously head-over-heels in love with her, they probably wouldn't even notice if I got PG!  hahaha  :)
  • My DH brother & his wife adopted last year after having m/c at 16wks about a year prior.  My husband's family is from India & though more "open minded" than some they have been not so supportive of their decision to adopt.  They frequently asked if we know if they are still trying "naturally".  Though now that nephew is here they are head over heels for him (we all are, he is a delightful boy).  He is the 1st grandchild and DH & his brother are in our late 30's (traditionally that's really old for an Indian family to have 1st grandkids). 

    We just found out I'm PG and I was a bit worried how BIL (& especially SIL) might react.  Thankfully they were very excited for us.  Now I'm just hoping & praying for no complications.  And am actually quite concerned about DH parents.  don't get me wrong we get along well, & I love them dearly.  I hope they don't treat us/our baby any differently than my nephew.  I worry they might.  I think they still fall in the "real baby" group & may see our child in a more favorable way.  I truely hope not for everyone's sake.  I've always thought that some day I would adopt.  Maybe some day I still will, but unfortunately my DH shares a bit of his parents reluctance when it comes to adoption, hopefully our nephew will change that.

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