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February 2015 Moms
HeyStVincent
member
Discussion: Judging others choices as parents
HeyStVincent
member
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/wendy-cray-kaufman/a-stranger-shamed-me-right-before-my-eyes_b_5632491.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
Hmmmmmm...thoughts? This guy is clearly a jerk. That is my initial thought.
Also, I really hope I'm not this wound up about food choices (as the jerk dad). I mean, I get wanting the best for your kids...but...come on. And if you are that wound up about it, then be quietly wound up about it. No need to insult a complete stranger.
Also, also: have our expectations of parents reached unreasonable levels? Am I the only one who finds the expectations/micromanaging expected of parents today to be ludicrous? OR will people like me just be lazy parents?
EDIT: Also, has anything like this happened to anyone else on here? A stranger loudly judging your parenting abilities/choices? If so, how did you handle it? How did you feel about it?
Discuss.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Discussion: Judging others choices as parents
I highly doubt all kids will respond that way but the ones I know did. I let my son have the "bad" foods sometimes because I want him to experience it. As he grows is my job to teach him about nutrition and why these are sometimes foods.
There is a lot expected it of parents today because we're supposed to be like ours mom's and grandma's while still being different and better than them. I think we put this pressure on ourselves though because we compare ourselves to other parents. Personally, as long add your child is happy and healthy that's all that should matter.
I have been mom shamed by family at family events for teaching my kid to be stuck up or letting him act a certain way. My grandmother IL shamed for saying seepies instead of sleepies to my then 5 month old. I repeated myself until she stopped trying to correct me. I either ignore it or respond in a very snarky manner.
That's all I've got.
I tend to be very relaxed about my children. I want them to have as close to the childhood that I had as I can provide. Which means walking to and from school from an early age. Unsupervised outdoor play. Occasional junk food. Pretty much everything a helicopter would get upset about. I do not do helicoptoring.
My children stay in the car by themselves while I go into the post office to get the mail. Many people I've talked to on here are up in arms about that.
People here tend to stay out of other parents' business.
Monster Truck (It's a GIRL!) is due 19/02/2015!
Fred Rogers
I actually have anxiety about how badly people are judging me as a parent. I KNOW its ridiculous and I shouldn't; but its still there.
ETA:Btw one of my inlaws totally works at the corporate office for auntie annes. There is NO WAY IN HELL my children aren't going to eat soft pretzels. Lol I'd be side-eyed if they DIDNT eat pretzels.
Finally: it's a damned pretzel. I couldn't stop rolling my eyes over all that "I know it's terrible, I was in an unusual bind" BS, because: It. Is. A. Pretzel. I feed my kid pretzels whenever I feel like it because pretzels are yummy. What a jackass.
PS realizing upon reflection that maybe the dad was in his own situation, where his kids are always asking him for unapproved food? But there are better ways to say no than teaching them to put others down.
I feel bad for the girls who can never try a soft pretzel ffs.
Sarah, 35 bumping from NE Ohio
Married my love 4/22/2006
DD born 10/12/2009
DS born sleeping 2/23/2013 full trisomy 18
Baby 3 due 2/13/2015
Doesn't stop me from silently judging, but remembering that I don't know the whole story.
That man was a douche canoe. I'm sure he had his own justification as to why he thought it would be ok to try to shame a weary mother at the mall. And I have my reasons for judging him for putting work ahead of a family outing.
Sometimes sanity comes in a red box with a yellow M on the front or in a blue bag with a pretzel.
She got her kids outta the house and gave them her attention. Took them out on an adventure. Didn't pop them in front of the TV.
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*
A couple months ago, DS was having a rough day with teething and didn't want to eat most of his usual food he loves. We both needed a break, so we walked around the mall. I saw a frozen yogurt place, so I was like heck yeah, yogurt with fresh fruit. That'll make his mouth feel better, I'll get some food in him, and it's a healthy treat too. So I got plain frozen yogurt with fresh banana slices and sat with him.
A couple people stared at me, and I started to feel awkward and judged like I was doing something wrong. But then I realized, screw them. They don't know me, and I'm giving him the healthiest snack in the whole mall!
And you know what, we ate the whole thing. His mouth felt better, and he ate yummy bananas. So there judgy mall people!
I just froze. I was on an escalator and she wasn't, so I didn't have time to think. Later, I had great, mommy-blog-worthy come-backs like, "I am feeding my family," or "why don't you put a blanket over YOUR head if you don't like it." But I was shocked and embarrassed, and then later embarrassed of my own non-reaction.
Hear me out: Yes, the pretzel was benign and not a big deal to us, but I am a firm believer in family rules. Growing up, there were many things I wasn't allowed to do that my peers were allowed to do, in varying stages of "fairness" from climbing trees to eating straight up candy before dinner. What the rules were, were not the point. My parents instilled in me that while your friend may do those things, that is not what we do in our household. The way I read the article, the father was reminding his kids of their household rules. He didn't say to the woman you shouldn't feed the pretzel to your kid, he said to his children you may not have a pretzel. TO me, it's kind of like having a conversation with your friend telling them you think rompers are an absolutely heinous fashion choice for a grown woman, and someone walks by wearing a romper. Are they "shamed" because I don't like what they're wearing? No one smacked the pretzel out of her hand. Grow a spine about your parenting choices and feel confident in those decisions.
I also feel like "we don't eat those kind of foods" is a far cry different from the I'd rather let you die than eat that fat, nasty food type speech he gave his kids. I think more what he said and how he said it was what was offense as opposed to putting his foot down as a parent.
When he was 18 mo, we were on a flight home from Thanksgiving with the in laws. There was another couple in the airport with a baby. Their baby was just wearing a onesie and didn't even have socks or a blanket. I didn't comment, but gave them the side-eye and thought they were pretty terrible because their baby was going to be so cold. It was almost Dec! On that flight, DS1 had 3 explosive poops, and he peed all over me. When we landed, he was wearing a diaper, a jacket, and his socks and shoes. Needless to say, I learned my lesson. I empathize with other parents and unless they are abusing/ neglecting their kids, I probably won't judge them.
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I wasn't allowed to eat soft pretzels growing up. You think I can have one now?
Depending on your state its totally legal to breastfeed in public. I would have made a scene if someone had been so rude to me.
Sarah, 35 bumping from NE Ohio
Married my love 4/22/2006
DD born 10/12/2009
DS born sleeping 2/23/2013 full trisomy 18
Baby 3 due 2/13/2015
Now I have certain rules for DS that I expect everyone to follow (no juice, hat and sunscreen whenever outside, etc). Everyone who takes care of him may not agree but I expect my rules to be followed.
On the flip side, you can do what you want with your children as long as you are trying your best not to let them be a nusanse. Feed them what you want and I will feed my kid what I want.