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Who's right in this case?

pevilapevila member
in Stay at Home Moms
My mom hasn't spoken to her mom since April because she's mad at her. My grandma planned her 90th birthday party for Saturday at lunch, and my mom works  from 2:30 to 4;30 on Saturdays, which meant she would have missed most of the party. My mom didn't show up in the end. I understand why my mom is upset, but when I pointed out that my grandma is 90 and we don't know how much longer she's going to be with us, my mom said that she didn't have a mother any more. Sigh. 

Well, it's grandparent day at DD's preschool, and I asked my mom to go, but she can't because she says she has to work, so I invited my grandma. My mom got REALLY upset and said my grandma was out of place in grandparents´' day because she's a great grandmother, not a grandmother. If my mom would be able to go I wouldn't have invited my grandma, but because she can't, I thought it would be really neat for DD to have her mamama there. 

I just want to make my grandma feel special and included in everything, I think it's sad when the elderly are forgotten.

Do you think I was insenstitive to my mom's feelings when I invited my grandma, or do you think my mom is being a big baby?
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Re: Who's right in this case?

  • lyingliarlieslyingliarlies member
    Big baby. My uncle basically did the same thing to my grandmother on her deathbed, our of pure selfishness. You have to figure that one day, maybe on their own deathbed, there will be regret. So so sad. Sorry your family is caught in the middle.
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  • bumpuser8448316bumpuser8448316 member
    Your mom is being a big baby. She's mad at your grandma and she wants you to be mad too

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  • Aussie45Aussie45 member
    Your mom is being ridiculous and I would tell her so. Tell her you invited her and she couldn't make it so you made other arrangements so your LO would have a grandma there. If she doesn't like it, then it's tough. It's not fair for her to put you in the middle like that.
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  • pevilapevila member
    Thanks. My mom is just ridiculous about things like that, like when she stopped talking to me for almost a year after I got married and wouldn't congratulate me when I got pregnant (I lost the baby afterwards).  
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  • dizzycooksdizzycooks member
    edited August 2014
    You're fine, moms ridiculous. Good luck with that it sounds familiar...
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  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    Your mom needs to get over it and realize there are not many years left in your grandma's life and you need to enjoy what is left.  I can totally relate to this.  My mom and her mom have always had a conflicted relationship - not talking for long time periods (the longest 1 year).  It drives me nuts!
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  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    pevila said:
    Thanks. My mom is just ridiculous about things like that, like when she stopped talking to me for almost a year after I got married and wouldn't congratulate me when I got pregnant (I lost the baby afterwards).  
    omg - that's horrible.  My parents didn't want me marrying my DH out of stupid reasons that didn't even make sense.  The day of the wedding I could hear my mom and grandma complaining about him 1/2 hour before our wedding ceremony.  During our father/daughter dance my dad asks me if "i'm happy".  My mom calls me the morning after our wedding to bitch out my husband to me.  WTF!  She continued to do so when I was pregnant trying to get me to believe my DH is an asshole.  I got real sick of it.  Drama continued during the hospital when I was giving birth to DD.  The week after DD was born my mom tells me "so I guess you aren't going to divorce him?" - NO.  Sorry if that was long, but I feel I can relate to this post a lot. :)  I basically had to sit my mom down and tell her DH, DD, and I are a family so deal with it.  You need to have a sit down talk to your mom about this childish thing.
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  • brachysirabrachysira member
    Just to add--very nice of you to keep your grandma involved.  Everyone should invite their elderly relatives to do things if there are things you know they will enjoy.
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  • bumpuser924057bumpuser924057 member
    Totally ridiculous of your mother. And even if your mom is trying to make the argument that she's not your DD's grandma, she's YOUR grandma, and if you want to have her there for grandparents day, why the eff not?

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  • orangegogglesorangegoggles member
    Your mom is being ridiculous, though I completely understand, your description of her sounds exactly like my mother. 

    Your grandma will have a great time with DD! 
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  • WatchmansMoonWatchmansMoon member

    I feel badly for your whole family, since you're mom's lack of forgiveness and kindness if affecting many more of you all than just your grandmother. And if your grandma passes away in this time frame, your mom may have a really hard time handling that. There are a lot of books on forgiveness, and I wonder if she'd be willing to maybe read one if you gave it to her. The one who is being most hurt in all this is your mom herself. A good suggestion I know of is "How to Forgive...When You Don't Feel Like It" ~ you can find it just about anywhere online. In the meantime, keep on reaching out as you have been. I hope she comes around and your grandma doesn't continue to get snubbed. HUGS and blessings!

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member

    I'm team "She's being a big baby" - I'd have invited both just because!!! Let them have their toddler meltdown together, have a sip of juice, and 10 minutes later go play on the playground again...

    Sometimes family dynamics suck...

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