Full time SAHM vs. work Part time

MapleMomma · August 2014

So currently I have a very good, well paying full time position as a Human Resources Specialist. I love my coworkers and my boss and my job in general, although it is very high stress (union environment where I am often seen as the bad guy).

I know that I will not work full time after baby, but I am debating a couple part time options or full time SAHM. I could possibly work in my current office 2 days a week, no benefits, less $ per hour, still high stress environment but much more mundane tasks. Or I could choose to subbing a couple days a week. This would be lower stress, still less pay, no benefits, no summers (which is great because we farm), lots of flexibility to choose which days I want to work, but not the comfortable friendship with my coworkers. Or I can SAHM full time.

MH has given me total free reign to decide what is better for me on a personal level, and isn't worried about the income. My great debate comes from worry that I won't feel fulfilled or will miss working as I've always been a career gal. But on the other hand, I crave to be home all the time, love love the farm, and have always known that one day I'd stay home full time and homeschool my kids.

Just looking for advice, personal experience, or to know that my feelings aren't crazy (or that they are!) Tia!

mandamoochie · August 2014

I am the homebody type and I thought being a SAHM would be perfect for me.. but you gotta watch it - cause it can slowly drive you insane. If you're a self proclaimed career oriented person, definitely I would keep some level of a part time job.

AshleySparkle720 · August 2014

I know there's no way I am SAHM material. I am a huge career oriented kinda gal. I'm probably going to start back part time and then see how I feel from there. Truly I feel like until I have my baby in my arms I won't be able to decide 100% what I want to do. Explore all your options

tee18 · August 2014

Will you have options to decide later or do you need to secure the position now? I'd wait and see if you have the choice.

MammaWolf7 · August 2014

I stayed at home with my son until he was 7 months. I loved being home with him but he started to get clingy and would only want to be with me.

WanderingA · August 2014

I was positive that I would love staying home but I can honestly say that after 13 months I would LOVE to go back to work part time. It's hard to stay sane, stay present and it's been hard for DH and I as a couple to feel we are contributing equally. The subbing sounds like a great option to me.

mandamoochie · August 2014

Lol @WanderingA‌ I think we truly are twinsies.

WanderingA · August 2014

I was thinking the same @mandamoochie‌ - twins, separated at birth, who now live like 20 miles from each other!

CogDis · August 2014

I work from home on my PhD dissertation and I HATE it! I'm so lonely and isolated. I imagine it is about the same to be a SAHM (in terms of loneliness and isolation) so I side with the pps who said do a bit of both. That's what I hope to do (if I ever finish the damn research)!

mandamoochie · August 2014

The one thing I wonder about subbing vs the more stressful pt option is scheduling. Subbing isn't a regular gig, where as with the other pt job you would know exactly when you would need childcare rather than scrambling the day of to try and find someone. If that isn't an issue i'd go with the subbing.

jennjilljo · August 2014

CogDis said:
I work from home on my PhD dissertation and I HATE it! I'm so lonely and isolated. I imagine it is about the same to be a SAHM (in terms of loneliness and isolation) so I side with the pps who said do a bit of both. That's what I hope to do (if I ever finish the damn research)!

This. Except I have a kid and it's a lower level degree. I'm busy all the time and have zero adult friends. I'm trying to find a past time job but it's difficult because what I'm qualified for doesn't come in part time positions.

jmcgra06 · August 2014

I work 3 and a quarter days per week, and DD stays with a babysitter for two of them, with her dad for the rest. (M,T,F and every other Saturday for half a day.) I honestly think it works really well for us. DD loves her sitter, and it's nice for DH to get the extra time alone with her. I get Wednesdays and Thursdays and we do our errands, play and have our story times.

I think part time is such a luxury that so few jobs offer, that if you're interested and it's an option, I would definitely give it a try!

pdxrulz · August 2014

I am a SAHM and I love my life so much. I went right back to full time work with my first child (now 9) and climbed my way up the ladder over the next eight years. I truly enjoyed working outside the home and was a district sales manager when I left work to stay home with my second child (now 21 months). I had plans to return after a year but I love being with my kids so much that my DH and I decided to have a third and for me to stay home until the kids are all in school.

Staying at home is not a lonely life for me. I go to the gym 3-4/times a week and my kids go to the gym child care. I meet up with play groups 2-3 times a week. We have passes to museums and swimming pools. We go to libraries and sing alongs. It is surprising how many friends you make just by being out and about. Moms always talk to each other, it's like a rule. When you find another mom you like at a park, you make plans to meet again and soon you have a weekly morning coffee play date.

I get all the laundry, shopping, meal planning and cleaning done while my hubby works so when he is home we have 100% family fun time. I have started blogging. I cloth diaper. I nursed until last month. I read, a lot. And I get to play with my kids. All day, every day.

I get it, it's not for everyone. And I live in an urban area so there is a lot to do. But if you can, you should try it before you knock it. Being a SAHM can be the best job in the world.

ctgray625 · August 2014

Every person is different. I worked full time up until I had my first. Then thought sure, I'll go back part time. I worked 2 days a week for 5 hours at a time. I cried and cried every time I had to leave, and baby was home with dad! After my assignment was up, hubby told me I should just stay home all the time. 2 years later, baby #2 on the way, and I've never looked back.

MapleMomma · August 2014

mandamoochie said:
The one thing I wonder about subbing vs the more stressful pt option is scheduling. Subbing isn't a regular gig, where as with the other pt job you would know exactly when you would need childcare rather than scrambling the day of to try and find someone. If that isn't an issue i'd go with the subbing.

I probably should have clarified this from the beginning. My MIL (whom I adore), grandma or SIL will watch baby no problem. We all live very close to each other. Also, MH's work schedule in the winter is super flexible (family owned construction co), so also not a problem.

Thanks to each of you for the input. It is such a hard choice. Luckily not a decision that I have to make today, but if I choose to quit my job and not move to the part time job, I want to give my boss as much notice as possible. She has been so good to me and already knows I won't do full time.

mommy510 · August 2014

I hate working. I love that I am able to contribute to our family, but I really dislike that I have to work. I feel torn between my job, my house, and my family.
I'm working part time, and the house is usually a bit messy, and I just want to play with my kids. I'm really hoping to work much less once this baby is born.

krispy83 · August 2014

I have worked part time for the last 2 years. I had 6 months off between maternity leave and summer break after DS was born. Then I started at part time.

I absolutely love it. I teach every other day, so some weeks it's M/W/F and others it's T/Th. It keeps me in the game as far as teaching is concerned, plus I get to see my coworkers and have adult interaction. But it also gives me a LOT of time home with DS. I can go grocery shopping during the day when the stores aren't crowded, prep stuff for dinner, do laundry, clean, etc (of course this is all before the massive energy drain of being pregnant again!) and then when DH comes home and on the weekends, we don't have to worry about a lot of that stuff.

For me, it's the absolute best of both worlds. I think I'd feel too isolated as a full time SAHM, especially since some of my closest friends are coworkers. But I still get a ton of time with DS. We have benefits through DH's district, so that wasn't an issue. It was just the salary reduction for me, but we planned for it and determined that with cutting back on a few things, we could definitely manage it.

ordinary1 · August 2014

Ugh I think I just accidentally reported this. Hate mobile bumping!

I am a SAHM and love it. For me, it's important to have time for myself, time with friends, and a good mom group. Before I found a mom group, I was lonely. It was hard not having any adult contact besides when my H got off work.

Paleomama · August 2014

I really need time away from my home so sahm would not be for me. Think I might go crazy.

ckimberley14 · August 2014

CogDis said:
I work from home on my PhD dissertation and I HATE it! I'm so lonely and isolated. I imagine it is about the same to be a SAHM (in terms of loneliness and isolation) so I side with the pps who said do a bit of both. That's what I hope to do (if I ever finish the damn research)!

Definitely can get lonely and isolated being a full-time SAHM. I miss adult and other social interaction, as well as being out of the house when I taught full-time. Don't get me wrong: I feel very lucky to be able to stay at home with my girls. But if I'd had just one the first time around, I would be back at work. The cost of childcare for two just was too expensive for it to make sense for me to work. I don't have family nearby, so that wasn't an option either. DH's aunt has always been afraid of watching the girls by herself (??), so we couldn't ever depend on her to babysit. Now that the girls are older, I'm planning to join a local play group or moms social group. I'm sure that will help me feel more human!

chickyclg · August 2014

I am a substitute, I only have to work 3 days a semester and will probably continue after the babies come. My mom has volunteered to watch the babies when I work at no cost. She basically told me that if I feel like I need to get away for a day for sanity purposes then work. I don't sub now for the money though, it's more of a "I'm bored" basis, so if money is a factor that may change things.

StephanieLBerg · August 2014

Honestly, I seriously thought about being a SAHM, but then I quickly realized I would get super bored being stuck in the house all day while baby is sleeping, or I would get so frazzled that I'd need more breaks than I should. Not that I would resent my baby, but more so that I won't be as excited to see them than if I were to have at least a part time job. A part time job would give me something to do so I won't be so bored at home and would give me the breaks I am probably going to need while still adjusting to my new life.

I literally tried to kid myself into thinking that I could be a SAHM and be just fine, but the fact of the matter is, being a SAHM would be almost the same experience as being unemployed, and I just get super bored when I'm unemployed. Top a forever crying baby on top of that.......yea, I need a part time job at least.

ETA: Words

Biscotto · August 2014

I work part time now and will continue part time after SO. I finish work at 12:15 then will pick up SO from daycare. I don't want to work full time, but also I can't stay at home all day, I would go crazy and I think socialization is good for babies so this is the best option for us.

MrsTucker2011 · August 2014

SAHM here. Before baby (and during pregnancy) I used to work 2 part-time jobs, and a sporadic contract job every once in a while. I always knew I wouldn't want to put my LO in childcare, and was hoping to work from home. The first couple months are definitely the hardest. I still feel lonely every once in awhile. But like PPs said, you have to find activities to do.

For me, I finally opened up am Etsy shop I've been wanting to. I like that I can do it on my own time when I feel like it. It gives me something constructive to work on, besides mom stuff.
Thankfully my family all lives close by, so we visit them a lot.

Sometimes I think about going to work, but I can't imagine anyone taking care of DS the way I can. I know that I'm the best caretaker for him, and it wouldn't be worth it to pay someone else. Especially with a 2nd on the way it's not financially feasible.

So anyways, if you want to try to SAHM, make sure you get a good support system to get you through the first couple months. It's a big difference compared to working full time.

jmcgra06 · August 2014

I feel like the SAHM's are not getting the love they deserve in this thread. Staying at home is not for everyone, and neither is working. But to compare being a SAHM to being "bored" while "unemployed," is hurtful and untrue.

There are days that I have stayed at home with DD that have sucked. And they usually relate to me sucking. When I'm trying to multitask her and watch my shows while she naps and do my own thing, the days can be very long and boring. Days when I'm fully invested in her - playing with her and teaching her and going out - the day actually goes very quickly, and before I know it, it's over.

I don't think anyone is intentionally being unkind, but I just wanted to throw that all out there.

michelle142 · August 2014

If we could afford it, I would cut down to part-time in a heart beat. I don't think I could cut out work time completely because that's just my personality, but I would love to be able to be at home more.

It's a personal decision, really. Do what's best for you and your family.

foxslaw · August 2014

You know what's best for you. My mom was a SAHM, and that would've been my preference if I could afford it.

daciadanae · August 2014

I was a SAHM for about 18 months and it drove me insane. It just wasn't for me. I always thought that's what I wanted, but after working hard on my career for a long time, it was REALLY hard to sit back and feel like I wasn't accomplishing anything and watching all my friends' careers shoot off. I did feel isolated and lonely. I totally applaud anyone who can do it - it's not easy. Maybe because it was my first baby and I just didn't know how to handle everything - I don't know. I went to the gym everyday and participated in play dates and such, but everyday just started to feel the same and I actually missed the deadlines, performance reviews, meetings, etc of the working world.

I've been back at work full-time now for 5 months and I love it! And I know my DS loves going to daycare where he is making friends, playing ALL day, and learning alot. Plus, it helped us alot to catch him up developmentally (he was 3 months premature so he had some delays).

With baby #2, I'll probably take 3-6 months off work then go back full-time. And I won't be taking DS out of daycare during that time. I see both sides of the debate. I love working, but I know I'll miss being there for all of the milestones I got to see with my son. It was just too much of a lifestyle change for me.

ckimberley14 · August 2014

jmcgra06 said:

I feel like the SAHM's are not getting the love they deserve in this thread. Staying at home is not for everyone, and neither is working. But to compare being a SAHM to being "bored" while "unemployed," is hurtful and untrue.

There are days that I have stayed at home with DD that have sucked. And they usually relate to me sucking. When I'm trying to multitask her and watch my shows while she naps and do my own thing, the days can be very long and boring. Days when I'm fully invested in her - playing with her and teaching her and going out - the day actually goes very quickly, and before I know it, it's over.

I don't think anyone is intentionally being unkind, but I just wanted to throw that all out there.

Great points, and I admit my own post sounded like I was complaining about being a full-time SAHM. I didn't mean for it to sound negative, so I appreciate your insight. Most days, I love being a SAHM because not only do I get to spend time with them, but I also get to dictate what the girls eat, how often/quickly their diapers are changed, what they do for enrichment, etc. I also love that I have been able to witness all their milestones, which I wouldn't have been able to do if I weren't with them 24/7. But at the same time, I would like for them to have more social interaction with other children and learn those skills. I figure they'll be able to develop these skills more when I finally join play/mommy groups. The times I've had someone to help corral them at the park, they've shown great interest in the other kids, which is a promising sign.

kerrigrooves · August 2014

I was a FT SAHM when DD was born until she was 4 mo old then I took a 12 hr/week job which has now turned into a 20 hr/wk job. When LO is born, Ill take 3-4 months off again and then come back to PT. I love being able to go into an office 2 days a week and drop C off at daycare and she loves it too.

The other days are spent shopping, meal planning, cooking, playing, laundry and cleaning.

Im also a massage therapist so I can do that sporadically too. This winter I plan on getting my PT certificate online.

There are plenty of ways to keep busy - playdates, pool, library storytimes, parks, picnics, museums, zoo, and I also go to gym 5x week and there is a daycare there. Plus all of the household duties...Im never bored. I may crave more adult interaction but Im never sitting around

kimmykaye · August 2014

I've been a SAHM for 2 years now, which was a huge change for me. I had always had an out of the home job since I was 14. It took me a good 6 months or so to adjust to being a SAHM. I love being home with my kiddos and being able to teach them and watch them learn. For me, housework comes 2nd to playing with and teaching my kids. I try to get at least one room in the house done a day. DH knows what a handful the girls are, so he knows it's hard to get a lot of cleaning done. I love that I'm able to take my oldest to school and pick her up. Today was her first day of kindergarten.

I hope to go back to school part time next fall or the following spring. That way when most of them are in school, I can be more prepared to find my dream job (hospital or medical laboratory).

Beth.1212 · August 2014

MapleMomma said:

<snip> I crave to be home all the time, love love the farm, and have always known that one day I'd stay home full time and homeschool my kids.

I am a SAHM and I love it. I'll probably go back to working at least part time when the kids are in school, but for now, I'm really happy and my LO seems pretty happy, too. I'm a homebody and like being at home, though. (Though we do get out periodically and to to the library, the park, museums, etc.)

Based upon your quote, I say go for it and try being a SAHM. Though on the flip side, you can always try part time and see how it works. If you SAH and don't like it it might be harder to get a new position. If you work part time and don't like it, you can always leave.

If you're comfortable with this approach, you can decide not to decide 100% until your on maternity leave. If SAH isn't for you right now, you go back part time as planned. If you are happy with SAH, you can tell your company that you won't be returning (as soon as possible - ex. if you decide 1 month in, don't wait till the day before you return).

Personally, if I were going to go part time, I'd probably want the work in your current office. That's probably just my personality, though. I'm a planner and would rather know which days I was working so I could set up stable child care arrangements and plan my life ahead of time.

everam01 · August 2014

This is completely personality-dependent. I know I'm not cut out to be a SAHM. I would probably reduce my hours if possible, but since that's not an option I opt for full-time instead of not working at all.

delaneykai · August 2014

It is something that is a really personal choice and can sometimes come down to how much fulfillment you get from the job that you would be working.

For me, I teach part time (2-3 full days every week, it rotates from M/Th and M/W/Th) and I absolutely LOVE it. It gives me a lot of time at home with DD, which was really important to me. It also gives her time to socialize with other kids at her sitter's house on the days that I work, and allows me the time to still grow professionally, collect retirement, and add to our family income. We might be changing our situation next year with having 2 kids, so I'm considering moving into being a full-time SAHM until 1 or both kids are in school. However, with just our DD, part time has been a perfect balance.

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