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October 2014 Moms
brit8618
member
Is it wrong to be jealous?
brit8618
member
I'm pregnant with my second baby boy due Oct 14. I was really hoping for a girl this time even though I was okay with having another boy, Until I found out my sister is 20 weeks pregnant with a girl. Now all of a sudden I feel extremely jealous almost a little mad at her, even though I know she couldn't predict the sex of her baby. I also feel mad at myself because I'm so upset over this, I hate myself for feeling like this. I love my son and I know I will love our new son just the same, but why do I feel so jealous that my sister is having a girl? I feel like I'm being unfair to my unborn son, but I can't seem to help but be jealous.
Did any of not get the gender you wanted and felt jealous of others who did?
Did any of not get the gender you wanted and felt jealous of others who did?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it wrong to be jealous?
Whats especially weird about it for me is that before we found out with DD, I had always pictured myself as a mom to all boys. I wanted so, so badly for her to be a boy, and went through that same roller coaster when we found out that she was a girl. Because she was my first, I think it was easier for me to get over the expectation and get excited about the reality, but because I know this is my last, it's been a little more difficult to find that mindset again. But I have. I still think baby girl clothes are so much cuter and more fun than baby boy clothes, but I'm still looking forward to all the little boy things.
ETA: And speaking of being "unfair" to our unborn children - DD got a whole brand new very special nursery created just for her. all the things were new and exciting for her. This baby boy is getting handed-down everything, pretty much. His nursery is going to be our dining room on loan to him until he's old enough for a big boy bed, at which time, he'll move in to share a room with DD. The room is getting decorate with mostly stuff that will be able to stay in that room when it goes back to being a dining room in a couple of years. I very often feel that sense of unfairness to my unborn son, and I know that feeling very, very well. Like Nic said, as long as stuff like that doesn't carry over once they get here, I think it's normal and fine.
When we found out that my sister is law was having a boy we were a little upset because he was to be born 12 weeks before my baby. We didn't even know the sex of our LO yet. I think DH felt like they had the first grandbabies (both girls) and wanted our baby to be the first boy.
But we are having a girl. They had a boy. He is precious and we love him- all is good. It will pass! I get the feeling though.
Similar, but not to the same extent, as the way someone who always dreamed of being pregnant may need to process the loss of that option should they take another path to become a parent. Or losing out on the joy of childbirth with a horrid birth situation.
We all have expectations and when they don't pan out we need to deal with the loss of expectations before we are able to fully enjoy the alternative. This is also why I get pissed off with people who tell me I should get over being upset by how DS was born (emergent section, spinal didn't fully work, given fentanyl so have forgotten first few hours) and just be happy for is both being ok. I'm allowed to be happy we are good but also upset by the experience.
Ugh. Sorry about the novel.
Horrible response to an excited little sister!
Just think--this little lady won't hate you the way she will inevitably hate mom (terrified of this)---you can be the cool aunt!
Good luck with every thing
Just wanted to chime in that what you are feeling is totally normal. We are expecting our second son and like you, we were hoping for a girl. My SIL is also pregnant right now (only 7-8 weeks along) and she already has a daughter and I will likely be upset if she has a boy because then she will have one of each, which is what we wanted. I know I will get over it though and it's silly for me to have any feelings about the situation.
What helped me was focusing on the positives of having a second boy. DS1 is the only boy in both our families so it would be nice for him to have another boy to keep him company. We literally have hardly anything to get for baby #2 because he can re-use all of DS1's clothes. I feel less guilty getting clothes for DS1 because I know that they will be used twice (in my mind, it's like everything is 50% off - silly!
Several people have commented to me that boys in general are easier than girls - this may be completely off base/inaccurate/generalized but it makes me feel better.