put to sleep drowsy

megsue114 · August 2014

I have been reading a lot that it's best to put baby to bed drowsy so she can learn to "self soothe" and not be shocked when she wakes and mama's not there. I get the logic, but part of our night-night routine is nursing, and she almost ALWAYS falls asleep at the breast? Any advice, suggestions, experience is appreciated. Our bedtimes are getting worse and worse! Waking in a frenzy just a few minutes after being put down every night. My nerves are fried man!

flcl · August 2014

How old is LO? I only ask cause that is what the 4MW sounded like in our house. My guy was very rarely successful at soothing himself to sleep when we tried putting him to bed drowsy but awake before 5 months. He always nursed to sleep. Around 5ish months he stopped nursing to sleep and started showing more and more self soothing skills so we worked on drowsy but awake at that point. Before he had these skills, he would cry when we put him down and I wasn't willing to let him CIO. You may need to just give your LO more time.

megsue114 · August 2014

She's 5mos old. Not to mention, HATES paci's so she doesn't have anything to comfort suck but me. I mean, will she just grow into it (meaning, does self soothing just happen eventually?) because I have a family member with a NINE-YEAR-OLD who needs her mama IN BED with her to go to sleep at night... I do not want to foster that kind of behavior. I get that she's only 5mo old but when do I start letting her cry longer and longer.... uggghhhh. Feeling SOOOO guilty.

JubilantSquirrel · August 2014

aditigirl said:

I've never done put to sleep drowsy but awake. At almost 2, my dd can put herself to sleep just fine. She never CIO either. It's a myth that they will never learn to self soothe without CIO or whatever. Total bullshit.

This honestly makes me happy to read. At our last appointment the pedi made me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I nurse DS to sleep at night. He's 5 months old and we've been doing bedtime this way since the beginning, it's just what has worked for us.

tcam2012 · August 2014

We do it all kinds of ways depending on the night. Sometimes she self soothes. Sometimes she needs to be picked up for a few more rocks & a kiss. Sometimes she already nursed to sleep. Our only definite thing is that the swaddle means bedtime. I think every LO is different & you have to find what works your family.

flcl · August 2014

@megsue114: we nursed LO to sleep until he stopped wanting to do so (which for me, was way too young... I miss that extra cuddle time.) There isn't anything wrong with it as long as it's what's working for you. Our pediatrician was trying to make me feel bad about it too but at the end of the day, it's an effective tool and so many moms on here helped reassure me that there was no harm in nursing to sleep.

Yes, babies will develop self soothing skills as they get older (my LO doesn't take a paci either but he happily sucks on his thumb/hands) some sooner rather than later. I think my guy is on the younger side of this. I lucked out that he started doing the drowsy but awake thing on his own cause my D was set on CIO while I wasn't. Once he stopped wanting to nurse to sleep, we moved nursing to the beginning of bedtime routine and followed it up with sleep sack, songs, stories and in bed drowsy. We also have black-out shades, a white noise machine, and super soft velour crib sheets. If you are thinking CIO is the way to go, the youngest you should start is at least 6 months.

MommyAtty · August 2014

I am in the minority here, but honestly I don't believe eating should be part of a bedtime routine. I have 2 fantastic sleepers, 2 and 3.5 mos. Both always put to bed drowsy. Both slept through the night consistently from 8 weeks on. We never did CIO. And no, children will not just magically learn to self-soothe. One of my employees has a 4 yo who still wakes them up multiple times every single night because she can't put herself back to sleep. I have a co-worker who has a third grader and a kindergartener who end up in bed with her every single night bc they have to be close to Mommy to go back to sleep. Every human being wakes up multiples times per night. Teaching them to self-soothe puts them in a position for a life time of healthy sleep.

526SadieSadie · August 2014

aditigirl said:

I've never done put to sleep drowsy but awake. At almost 2, my dd can put herself to sleep just fine. She never CIO either. It's a myth that they will never learn to self soothe without CIO or whatever. Total bullshit.

I agree. I used to rock Olivia to sleep when she was super tiny but that was more for me than for her. We have played the same classical CD at bedtime in her room since she was a newborn and she yawns when she hears it. Bedtime is bedtime, she never needed to CIO.

ashiscute · August 2014

I nursed mine to sleep till 13 mos and 14 mos. At 5 mos I would not yet be concerned. When it stops working for you is when it's an issue.

JubilantSquirrel · August 2014

MommyAtty said:
I am in the minority here, but honestly I don't believe eating should be part of a bedtime routine. I have 2 fantastic sleepers, 2 and 3.5 mos. Both always put to bed drowsy. Both slept through the night consistently from 8 weeks oner did CIO. And no, children will not just magically learn to self-soothe. One of my employees has a 4 yo who still wakes them up multiple times every single night because she can't put herself back to sleep. I have a co-worker who has a third grader and a kindergartener who end up in bed with her every single night bc they have to be close to Mommy to go back to sleep. Every human being wakes up multiples times per night. Teaching them to self-soothe puts them in a position for a life time of healthy sleep.

DS has no problem sleeping through the night. In fact last night he went down at about 7:45 and woke up this morning at 6:30. He started STTN (5-6 hours) consistantly at about 6-7 weeks. He's not a "bad" sleeper, I just can't put him down drowsy so I nurse him to sleep instead.

jfletcher3113 · August 2014

I did drowsy but awake and it worked great and he slept through the night no problem. That is until 4MW hit, which we're going through now. Now it doesn't work AT ALL. From your description it sounds like you may be going through the same thing (it can hit anywhere from 3-5 months) and it will pass!

I will do whatever I need to to get my kid down and hope to return to our bedtime routine when he's through it. From what I've read, we should just be extra nurturing this time and do whatever you need to to get your child is getting sleep.

Almost every night, I've had to do something different. Sometimes it's trying over, and over and over to get him down, sometimes it's rocking him until he's in deep sleep before putting him down, one time I sat on the floor and held his hand until he fell asleep, and sometimes he's fine and can be put down no problem. This phase has definitely tested my patience

flcl · August 2014

JubilantSquirrel said:

I am in the minority here, but honestly I don't believe eating should be part of a bedtime routine. I have 2 fantastic sleepers, 2 and 3.5 mos. Both always put to bed drowsy. Both slept through the night consistently from 8 weeks oner did CIO. And no, children will not just magically learn to self-soothe. One of my employees has a 4 yo who still wakes them up multiple times every single night because she can't put herself back to sleep. I have a co-worker who has a third grader and a kindergartener who end up in bed with her every single night bc they have to be close to Mommy to go back to sleep. Every human being wakes up multiples times per night. Teaching them to self-soothe puts them in a position for a life time of healthy sleep.
DS has no problem sleeping through the night. In fact last night he went down at about 7:45 and woke up this morning at 6:30. He started STTN (5-6 hours) consistantly at about 6-7 weeks. He's not a "bad" sleeper, I just can't put him down drowsy so I nurse him to sleep instead.

What an awesome little sleeper! Definitely no problems with nursing to sleep there

jenn43 · August 2014

ashiscute said:

I nursed mine to sleep till 13 mos and 14 mos. At 5 mos I would not yet be concerned. When it stops working for you is when it's an issue.

This. If nursing to sleep is still working, go with it! If it's not working, then maybe it's time to try something else. My LO is 4 months old, and we used to nurse or rock to sleep, then hold him for about half an hour until he was really out. But then about two weeks ago that half hour turned into an hour, then two, then three, and finally we had two nights in a row where he cried every time I put him down and the two of us slept in the recliner for two nights. That's when I knew our routine was not working any longer and we changed it up.

Pearlvirus · August 2014

MommyAtty said:
I am in the minority here, but honestly I don't believe eating should be part of a bedtime routine. I have 2 fantastic sleepers, 2 and 3.5 mos. Both always put to bed drowsy. Both slept through the night consistently from 8 weeks on. We never did CIO. And no, children will not just magically learn to self-soothe. One of my employees has a 4 yo who still wakes them up multiple times every single night because she can't put herself back to sleep. I have a co-worker who has a third grader and a kindergartener who end up in bed with her every single night bc they have to be close to Mommy to go back to sleep. Every human being wakes up multiples times per night. Teaching them to self-soothe puts them in a position for a life time of healthy sleep.

You seriously think that both your kids STTN at 8 weeks was due to good parenting? Um, I'm not saying you aren't but that is good luck / genes not something you did or didn't do. Most are not as fortunate and you should not suggest they did something wrong!

hpatalano · August 2014

My Pediatrician said the same thing to me but when I put him down awake he screamed for hours. I nurse him to sleep but do the "wake/sleep" technique when I put him in his crib asleep I gently wiggle him or tickle his feet so he briefly wakes up looks around and falls right back to sleep. It's the best of both worlds, he learns soothing skills and I still get to snuggle him to bed!

However, it's amazing to hear that the nursing him to sleep thing hasn't been an issue for so many women! My pediatrician also made it sound like I was permanently damaging him for doing so!

MommyAtty · August 2014

Pearlvirus said:

I am in the minority here, but honestly I don't believe eating should be part of a bedtime routine. I have 2 fantastic sleepers, 2 and 3.5 mos. Both always put to bed drowsy. Both slept through the night consistently from 8 weeks on. We never did CIO. And no, children will not just magically learn to self-soothe. One of my employees has a 4 yo who still wakes them up multiple times every single night because she can't put herself back to sleep. I have a co-worker who has a third grader and a kindergartener who end up in bed with her every single night bc they have to be close to Mommy to go back to sleep. Every human being wakes up multiples times per night. Teaching them to self-soothe puts them in a position for a life time of healthy sleep.
You seriously think that both your kids STTN at 8 weeks was due to good parenting? Um, I'm not saying you aren't but that is good luck / genes not something you did or didn't do. Most are not as fortunate and you should not suggest they did something wrong!

I actually think it's both things. Luck and good parenting. Partly because I'm a life-long insomniac, we were seriously devoted to doing what we needed to so our kids would be great sleepers. And it was different for each of them. What worked for DD didn't work for DS, but we were determined to find what did work and we were determined not to do CIO. I think a whole lot of people seriously jack up their babies' sleep without meaning to by providing crutches (like feeding to sleep multiple times a night or rocking to sleep) and by confusing babies' noisy sleep as wakefulness. This second one was and is hard for me. I hear my baby make a noise and I shoot out of bed. I've learned to count 15 seconds before taking the first step toward their rooms and if they stop fussing I go back to bed. I think I've had to go to DD five times in 2 years, all due to teething pain in the night. And btw, everyone told me there was no freaking way I would get a second good sleeper. Because "no one is that lucky."

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