SAHM Check In

shellbell3845 · August 2014

Hi Ladies! I'm running this again this week since @meghan14 is still on vacation. I hope she's having a great time, but I'll be happy to have her back next week! I'm posting a day early because, coincidentally, tomorrow is my first day of being a FAHM (Fake at Home Mom). I'll be teaching two days a week and staying home three days a week. If you're so inclined, keep me in your thoughts tomorrow because it's LO's first day at daycare. He'll be fine. Me? Probably not so much. Anyway -- on to the check in!

What were your successes this week?

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?

What helped save your sanity?

Topic for the week: Resentment. Do you have it? What sparks it? How do you handle it? Do you tell your partner about it?

GTKY: If we were having a F14 SAHM GTG at a bakery, what deliciousness would you order?

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having.

JackieP1023 · August 2014

@shellbell3845 Good luck today, hope everything goes well! Also, welcome to the FAHM club!

@armfruit I am glad that your recovery is going well. I was sad to hear that this didn't solve the BP issues like they thought it would. Hopefully the doctors have a plan B to follow next!

@mosaicmoscato I am jealous that you have had the motivation to go to the gym multiple times in one week! I still battle for motivation all the time (but I also need to have my thyroid rechecked-been meaning to do that for awhile now). I did one of my DVD workouts last week, and while it felt good to do it (and I was sore the next day) I haven't done it since. Sleep has been more important lately.

@Bookshelves ((hugs)). Sticking with the BF is tough, even if it is going well. It is hard being the ONLY one to feed LO, unless someone feeds a bottle, but still yet, you are stuck to the dang pump. I ended up quitting partially due to weight gain issues, partially supply issues, but also factoring in was the mentality I was developing. I HATED my pump. Just absolutely despised pumping.

What were your successes this week? I got an almost brand new cozy coupe for DD, and DH was even convinced it was a great buy! We were able to get a few more things by hitting some yard sales on Saturday... turns out DD is going to be Tigger for Halloween!

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week? Getting things lined up for our vacation next month. I know it is still a month away, but I am stressing about it. Getting things packed up, making it all (suitcases, pack n play, jumper, etc... plus two large and one small cooler) fit in my Altima. We may end up borrowing MIL's 4Runner, which brings a whole other set of stress. Also, I am falling behind with some of the responsibilities for my second job. I have two large projects, one is due the end of this week, the other isn't due until the beginning of November, but it is pretty huge. I'm also supposed to be taking on extra responsibilities, but I just can't do it right now.

What helped save your sanity? My aunt is coming down for the Labor Day weekend. There is always a big yard sale event over the holiday, so we will be doing that, and I'm actually looking forward to it! She will be looking for clothes for her grandkids, and I need to stock up on 6-9 and 9m stuff. MH will be off, too, so he will be on baby duty while we look for deals!

Topic for the week: Resentment. Do you have it? What sparks it? How do you handle it? Do you tell your partner about it? I occasionally feel resentful, usually over the morning preps (the two days I work). I have to get up way earlier to have daycare bags ready, get bottles ready, etc. He still gets up at the same time, does his thing, and is out the door. He only has 1 hour of getting himself ready, when I take longer, PLUS have baby prep to do. As for handling it, I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive, which I hate. I am trying to work on this. MH is pretty good about helping, as long as I can avoid making him mad with my passive-aggressiveness. Sometimes it is a vicious circle. We are working on that.

GTKY: If we were having a F14 SAHM GTG at a bakery, what deliciousness would you order? I don't even know where to start! I have a huge sweet tooth... but would probably end up with something like cheesecake.

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having.

rexgirl06 · August 2014

I missed the last 2 weeks because we finally moved into our new house! No more shared walls. We are completely in love with our neighborhood and house!

Just sharing my excitement. Okay, back on to topic...

What were your successes this week? I took my husband for my last therapy appointment. (Basically struggled for a while with mass guilt because my son was difficult and I was not happy to be a mom like I thought everyone else was). Life has gotten a lot better and it was a neat experience to sit in the room and have the opportunity to talk about how far I've come with him and my counselor. It was awesome. Being at home can be a little dull but I haven't been this happy and content with life since LO was born.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week? It's been a good week. I think we're just struggling to make decisions on hanging photos in our new house....such a little thing, but when you're talking about driving nails into walls, it's a big thing!

What helped save your sanity? Walks walks and more walks. We had some cooler weather so I was able to take LO for walks when he gets his cabin fever in the afternoons.

Topic for the week: Resentment. Do you have it? What sparks it? How do you handle it? Do you tell your partner about it? I used to have it a lot. Even though my husband was going to work and making money, I would go through periods where I would resent him because he got out of the house and only had to deal with the baby at night. In reality, he is a great dad and does more than his share of helping. And I know that if I feel cooped up, he wants me to get out, drop off the baby at Grandma's and have me-time. I don't know that I've ever confessed that I truly resented him for a while though.

GTKY: If we were having a F14 SAHM GTG at a bakery, what deliciousness would you order? Custard filled maple bar with frosting on top...or cake bites.

shellbell3845 · August 2014

@joybaby5 I'm really glad your LO is liking your mom more. Hopefully that will ease your mind for your vacation! You're really going to deserve that time off since your H is working long hours. Also, we're going to need to share the warm chocolate chip cookies, mmk?

@armfruit I'm glad your recovery is going well. I hope you can take it a little easy! And I hear you on being annoyed when you have to do a DH task. His job is the diaper genie...but I do it more than he does!

@mosaicmoscato I'm glad you've found a gym routine and that the daycare there is good. I'm sure it's great to get out of the house, exercise, and have some alone time! Good for you, mama! Sorry LO is teething :-( We haven't hit that yet, but I can't imagine how tought it can be.

@bmbrinson Can you refresh my memory on what you're in school for? Good luck with your classes! Something you said really struck me -- that just because we wanted to be SAHMs that we don't miss life pre-LO. That happens to me -- a lot -- and it makes me feel guilty. But I don't love LO any less just because I sometimes miss going for a cocktail after work or running errands without it being a big production or even napping on the couch. It's a big adjustment, so thanks for that statement.

@bookshelves I'm sorry you and LO are sick. I hope you're all feeling better very soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts for sure. I think we're in a very similar position resentment-wise. DH has much more free time than I do -- lunch hour (where he sits. and eats. with two hands.), after LO goes to bed, in the morning before work, etc. He does social things with people he works with. It gets to me, but I try not to say anything. Because if I'm fighting to have free time of my own, isn't it hypocritical to ask him to give up some of his free time? I'm also really sorry about the post that made you take a bump break -- I think I know which one you're referring to. It was ridiculous, and I was bothered by it and by what was said

@carleys Yay crib naps and yay mama time! I hope your time away is nice and that LO is a good traveler! I hope the start of the school year reinforces that you want to SAH. Last year I was PT for the first time in a few years, so my first day of school didn't coincide with everyone else's. I thought it would be hard...but it wasn't. It made me realize I was really at peace with the situation.

@jackiep1023 packing for vacation is a challenge! I over packed each time we went. Good job on the bargain hunting! Morning routine...I'm not delusional enough to think that DH will handle the morning stuff on Tuesday and Fridays, but as I got things ready this morning, I pointed out what I was doing so hopefully he'll be prepared to help out as much as possible. I had an outfit laid out for LO and the daycare bag packed, so I directed him to dress LO, do breakfast, and put the bottles in. Is there any part of your morning routine that you could delegate to DH? Maybe lay clothes out and ask him to dress LO? DH accomplished LO's tasks while I pumped.

@rexgirl06 Yay new house! I'm glad you have a great place. I'm also happy to hear that you're feeling happier and more content. It's hard -- especially when you're not happy or loving being at home. I agree that sometimes being at home is dull. DH also says "never a dull moment" when I tell him about my day, but the truth? There are lots of dull moments. I love playing with LO -- but it's not always the most stimulating activity. I'm glad you can get out and get some mama time! I hope you take advantage of a grandma who's willing to babysit!!

shellbell3845 · August 2014

What were your successes this week? I got everything ready to take to school. I still have some at-home work to do, but I really worked hard this week to get things organized.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week? LO is back to not sleeping great. So in addition to being exhausted, I'm frustrated that I know he can sleep better. I'm also feeling guilty/dumb/inadequate because I don't know what LO's cries mean, especially in the MOTN. I don't know hungry/hurting/sad/need comfort which is making it really hard for me to try any sleep training because I get anxiety that I'm trying to teach him to go back to sleep when he is really desperate to eat.

I'm also burning my candle at both ends. I'm using nap time/evening to get school stuff done as well as house stuff. I'm doing cleaning while LO is playing. There have been days where I don't take a break or sit down until dinner.

What helped save your sanity? Sunday I went to Panera for an iced coffee and some reading. I've also treated myself to some new clothes/shoes. I've enjoyed looking for some new things.

Topic for the week: Resentment. Do you have it? What sparks it? How do you handle it? Do you tell your partner about it?

Yes. I get jealous when DH does social things after work, when he talks about his lunch break, when he's watching TV or reading while I'm still trying to get things done. I don't usually bring it up, unless it's in a slightly passive-aggressive way. I feel badly for feeling this way, so I'm actually embarrassed to bring it up. DH does so much good for us and does what he can to help that I don't want him to think I'm not appreciative. Plus -- I fight for free time of my own, so I can't exactly take away the time he has without feeling like a big hypocrite.

GTKY: If we were having a F14 SAHM GTG at a bakery, what deliciousness would you order? You all have had such wonderful idea... Chocolate croissant, chocolate chip cookies, or any kind of cupcake. With an iced coffee.

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having. Thanks all for your kind thoughts about LO starting DC. He did great! He napped and ate like a champ! He ate his hat during walk time. He was sleeping when I went to pick him up, and I cried. (I also cried at drop off, but I was surprised with how well I did there...and I only called to check on him once. I'll probably always call once.)

shellbell3845 · August 2014

BMBrinson said:

@shellbell3845 I am hopefully graduating with my BSN this fall!

Love it! Good luck with classes!!

JackieP1023 · August 2014

@shellbell3845 MH has been great this week with stepping it up in the mornings. I get the bag packed, he gets bottles/food ready. It isn't a lot, but it helps me not feel like I'm the only one doing anything!

Madelyn0713 · August 2014

Successes: Not being too upset when summer ended and DH's schedule got insane again. Definitely bummed but I haven't dwelled on it.

Challenges: Being lonely since he is working so much again.

Sanity: Having things planned - walking with a friend three days a week, hosting a dinner party for DH's staff tonight, hosting a watch party for DH's team when the university football team plays this weekend, etc.

QOTW: I absolutely have resentment. I resent that I rarely get to leave this valley thus never seeing other places, eating anywhere fun, etc. I try to find something fun for me to do to deal with it. I don't tell DH about it but he knows.

GTKY: Chocolate croissant!

shellbell3845 · August 2014

@sjelwood I'm sorry you're having a rough week. Our LOs are definitely at a point where they're requiring more energy! I hope you're getting at least a little time for yourself each day, and I hope this week goes easier. I also get very frustrated by my H's assumption that I'm always available to take care of LO. I never ever schedule something and assume he can be home to do child care, but he schedules Friday night volleyball and doctors appointments and side work without much consultation because of course I'll be home to take care of LO! Then, when I have to take LO to the doctor with me and it takes 1.5 hours, he comes out with "poor little guy had to be in his car seat for so long." Yes. Yes, he did. But what other option do I have? I hope this week's check-in was helpful to you to at least know you're not the only one feeling resentful and having difficulty!

@madelyn0713 I think for our F14 SAHM GTG, we need to come eat our pastries on your patio. I remember it's the most gorgeous view. Don't worry about dressing up for us. We'll be in soft pants with crusty baby food in our eyebrows too. I'll be thinking of you as your H's season gets underway. I hope he'll be able to be helpful and supportive when he's home. It sounds like you're finding some things to do to fill the long days. Now that Coco is a little older, do you think you could do longer day trips or even a solo overnight trip to just get away? I don't know how far away something "fun" or "exciting" is, but maybe you could do things like that on your own to make it seem like you're not so stuck? I know it would be easier/more fun with DH along, but I know you'd do great on your own too! I haul LO everywhere just for my own sanity sometimes, and it's always been okay.

BB0214 · August 2014

What were your successes this week?

H and I are communicating better. I was able to explain to him that I feel a lot of tension with his mother because she doesn't listen to me and it's frustrating. I've tried being subtle with her and she does whatever she wants with LO. If I'm direct she gets offended. The issue isn't resolved, but it was enough that he listened and acknowledged that I'm really trying with her.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?

LO is teething. She got her first 2 teeth and it was a difficult experience. But they've surfaced and she's back to normal.

What helped save your sanity?

Infant Advil, for the teething. Thankfully the teething happened over the weekend, so H was here to help out. Also, my dad. He came over on Sunday and wore LO and walked with her so that H and I could have lunch in peace.

Topic for the week: Resentment. Do you have it? What sparks it? How do you handle it? Do you tell your partner about it?
I used to. It would spark when I'd have a horrible day with PPD and think he couldn't possibly understand. It turns out he didn't. Neither did his family. I handled it by talking to other moms who had gone through PPD. I don't tell MH about it. It just caused fights when I tried.

GTKY: If we were having a F14 SAHM GTG at a bakery, what deliciousness would you order?

A big ol' cinnamon roll!
Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having.

Madelyn0713 · August 2014

@shellbell3845‌ Y'all are more than welcome to our patio any time! The view really is magnificent. I'm fine with doing day trips or even an over night trip alone with the baby, there just really isn't anywhere fun that's close, other than Salt Lake City or Park City. I might take her to PC this fall when the leaves are changing. And DH's team is playing in some fall tournaments around the state so we might go to those, too.

shellbell3845 · August 2014

Madelyn0713 said:

@shellbell3845‌ Y'all are more than welcome to our patio any time! The view really is magnificent. I'm fine with doing day trips or even an over night trip alone with the baby, there just really isn't anywhere fun that's close, other than Salt Lake City or Park City. I might take her to PC this fall when the leaves are changing. And DH's team is playing in some fall tournaments around the state so we might go to those, too.

My H goes to Provo to work sometime. Are you close? If you are, I'm for real going to go with him and crash your patio.

Madelyn0713 · August 2014

shellbell3845 said:

Madelyn0713 said:

@shellbell3845‌ Y'all are more than welcome to our patio any time! The view really is magnificent. I'm fine with doing day trips or even an over night trip alone with the baby, there just really isn't anywhere fun that's close, other than Salt Lake City or Park City. I might take her to PC this fall when the leaves are changing. And DH's team is playing in some fall tournaments around the state so we might go to those, too.

My H goes to Provo to work sometime. Are you close? If you are, I'm for real going to go with him and crash your patio.

We are about two house north of Provo. But I'd come pick you up in SLC

But if you are going to crash on my patio you better do it sooner rather than later....it snowed in September here last year.

ETA: Two HOURS north, not two houses. Lol.

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