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February 2013 Moms
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Biting - when to say something

DannysmamaDannysmama member
in February 2013 Moms
Quick question for the masses, and would appreciate your candid help!  I noticed this afternoon that DS has bite marks on his arm.  We're in a nanny share with another 17 month old.  The nanny did not see DS get bitten, but she mentioned the two got really into it over a toy car, prompting her to hide the car.  I'm not ruling out the possibility that DS bit himself, but would you say something to the other parent?  (I'm pretty sure DS didn't bite himself, FWIW, the teeth marks don't line up to the number of teeth he has).

My normal response would be to say let the nanny handle it, but we're in a situation where the other family will only be with us for a finite period of time, so in that sense, we are now the primary employers of the nanny.

Am I out of place nicely asking that they keep an eye on his behavior, or should I MMOB, despite my son being the one with teeth marks on his arm?
 
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Re: Biting - when to say something

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    ericalee27ericalee27 member
    I agree with others that Nanny should be letting you know when it happens and should be mindful of it to prevent whenever possible.  

    But with that said, I'm not sure what you want to say to the parents?  It's not happening on their watch, right?  DS1 was both a biter and a bite-ee -- they all went through it at a certain age in his daycare class.  He never bit me or DH at home.  If another parent had approached us and asked us to help stop the behavior, we would have had no clue what to say or do.  We couldn't parent something that didn't happen when we had him.  

          DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13

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    cinnasugarcinnasugar member
    ericalee27 said:
    I agree with others that Nanny should be letting you know when it happens and should be mindful of it to prevent whenever possible.  

    But with that said, I'm not sure what you want to say to the parents?  It's not happening on their watch, right?  DS1 was both a biter and a bite-ee -- they all went through it at a certain age in his daycare class.  He never bit me or DH at home.  If another parent had approached us and asked us to help stop the behavior, we would have had no clue what to say or do.  We couldn't parent something that didn't happen when we had him.  
    This.  All of this.  DD was a biter and bitee too.  I would just make sure (with the nanny) that the nanny is letting both you and the biter's parents know when it happens, so that the parents are aware.  But I think it is the nanny's place to bring that up with them, not yours.
    Mom to 3 year-old girl and 1 year-old boy
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    kelly321kelly321 member
    Yep, I agree with the others. It's the nanny's job to make sure both parents know. Now that she knows because you told her, she should tell the other parents. They can't do anything about it when she's in charge - that's her job - but they can know to look out for it on the playground or at playgroups. 
    DD2 is a biter, but pretty much only when DD1 takes things away from her and she's really frustrated. It's actually hard not to laugh because she makes fists and clenches all her muscles until she starts shaking then dives for DD1 with her teeth - that means it's easy to stop her because I can see the warning signs and intervene. I've never heard about her biting at daycare, though. But if I'm not there, there's nothing I can do about it.

    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

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    nlp1990nlp1990 member
    I am the mother of the pincher. I am a DCP in my home. As much as I try to make sure it doesn't happen, sometimes it does. I watch for the signs that my guy is getting frustrated and try to intervene before it goes too far, but they are toddlers and don't always understand at this point.
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    DannysmamaDannysmama member
    Thanks, all!  Appreciate the perspectives!  The boy has been biting at home also, so the nanny is going to keep an eye on them and see what she can do to prevent bite-trigger situations.  The nanny mentioned also the other boy was really hungry, so maybe between that and the car, it was a bad combo of frustration, but the nanny is on it!  





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    RosebeanRosebean member
    This is the way I see it... Your LO can't come home and say "mommy, so-and-so bit me and nobody did anything about it... And they do it all the time". I would definitely bring it up with your Nanny. She's the one who needs to be keeping a closer eye, and note that this other child is biting. And she should be bringing it up with the parents of that child.

    DS got bitten on his back by a 3 year old. She didn't break skin, but it was on his back and very bruised. The DCP missed it happening, and didn't know it was there because I found it at bath time that night. She was told of the incident, and she told the parents. That girl ended up being kicked out because she was biting and pulling hair so badly that nothing was changing the behaviour (she also was challenged somehow, so she was being moved to facilities that wee better suited to her needs). 
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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