family inviting whoever they want to your shower. vent

jms08 · June 2009

so my grandma just called and told me she had a few addresses to give me for my baby shower. i said oh great. thinking theyre the ppl i asked for her to give me since i dont have everyones addresses. she tells me I should invite her sister in laws daughter in law.

who the eff is that?!?! i met her once probably, and she probably doesnt even know my name, let alone that im pregnant. so i said sure ill invite her. and since were havng a co-ed bbq baby shower her husband will be invited too. well her husband is one of 3 brothers that are, i think, 3rd cousins of mine of something. so i should invite all the brothers then, right? its weird only inviting one of the brothers, AND their parents (my great aunt and uncle).

so then she tells me a few other people she wants to be invited, which adds up to a total of 10 people added, while our shower was already going to have about 80 people. in. one. back. yard. ugh.

she got the baby his crib, and is the only grandma i have left on my side of the family, so I dont want to seem like a b!tch to her, but do you think it was wrong what she did, or should i just suck it up???

jessicaclare · June 2009

At some point, you have to let her know that you don't want to seem greedy, and inviting people you don't know DOES come off that way.

My grandma wanted to make up for every shower she was ever invited to, so she made copies of my shower invites and mailed them to every.single.great aunt I have (most of whom I NEVER see). It was awkward and embarassing. I actually had my dad talk to her about it afterwards. She just didn't realize that it was embarassing to me.

jday1229 · June 2009

Throw 10 more hotdogs on the grill and be happy that people want to celebrate your baby. No offense but it doesn't sound like you were planning on a small intimate gathering to begin with.

Cosmos48 · June 2009

My bridal shower is coming up soon and my mom told me I should invite 2 people. I simply told her I don't want them there. Maybe it's rude, but at least I get to spend the day with people I really want to.

Klafountain · June 2009

this is a tough one. you could try to explain to her how you feel about it. also if you think about it inviting people you don't know might come across as looking for gifts.

i*heart*him · June 2009

Um..that's usually how showers are. I didn't know half the people at my wedding shower or wedding, same thing will happen for this. Why complain, people are happy to celebrate you and the baby, let them.

jms08 · June 2009

i*heart*him:
Um..that's usually how showers are.? I didn't know half the people at my wedding shower or wedding, same thing will happen for this.? Why complain, people are happy to celebrate you and the baby, let them.

?

i guess we're just different. I didnt invite people I didnt know to our wedding.. that just seems weird.

?

Thanks everyone for the advice.?

i*heart*him · June 2009

I Guess it depends on the situation. Our parents paid for everything, so they have the right to invite who they want also. If we were paying, we would have the say.

Akaysha · June 2009

i*heart*him:
Um..that's usually how showers are. I didn't know half the people at my wedding shower or wedding, same thing will happen for this. Why complain, people are happy to celebrate you and the baby, let them.

I totally agree with you

Soap1 · June 2009

Well if you're throwing your own baby shower, they will probably get the invitation and be like, "wtf we're not going to that".

But if someone else is throwing it for you, and they come, then it's just another present! I wouldn't stress too much about it. Like a pp said, it doesn't sound like a small intimate gathering, or something that would have a high per-head cost for the host/hostess.

jessicaclare · June 2009

i*heart*him:
Um..that's usually how showers are. I didn't know half the people at my wedding shower or wedding, same thing will happen for this. Why complain, people are happy to celebrate you and the baby, let them.

A wedding? Yes. Especially if your parents are footing the bill. But a wedding shower/baby shower is NOT the time, nor the place, to be inviting people you don't know. Its rude and it makes you look greedy for gifts.

mtendere · June 2009

Can you send her some invitations and insist that SHE be the one to invite them because you don't know them? ?Then at least she is the one grabbing for gifts.

chefs_baby · June 2009

TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!

My FMIL sent me a list of twenty people to invite to a shower being thrown by my SIL and sister. These are people I have never met and my SO doesn't talk to on a regular basis. Plus they are all from out of town. She told me that my SO's grandmother would be upset if we didn't invite them because she (the grandmother) spends a lot of money on gifts for these people. My response was its not my problem.

Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself.

lil_nette4 · June 2009

If shes paying for the shower....good luck. If not trying telling her she can't keep inviting people due to the added expense ,especially if you don't even know these people. Through in the cost of food, invitations, thank you's, a bigger space)maybe that will help.

firsttogo · June 2009

Why are you throwing your own baby shower. I did not even know who was on the guest list. It is bad taste for the mother-to-be to be involved in the planning or inviting.

jms08 · June 2009

firsttogo:
Why are you throwing your own baby shower. I did not even know who was on the guest list. It is bad taste for the mother-to-be to be involved in the planning or inviting.

im not throwing it. my mom is. but since my grandma asked me about how its going, and what the date will be (i know this information because it is taking place in my FIL's backyard) she added that she wanted certain people to come. i wont be inviting anyone per se, but i will be informing my mom of any add ons to the guest list.?

Pix3lle · August 2014

(I only just noticed how old this thread is.... but i've already finished my reply so i'm posting it anyway ;p)
I would hate people i didn't know coming to my shower! Either way someone is going to end up disappointed.
Firstly there's space, then food cost etc.
Also it's not really bad taste to be involved in the planning, i planned my best friend's and she INSISTED to be involved in it! Costs, set up and all.

I also know that a lot of my partners extended family is going to want to come, but i'm only having my nan, mother and sisters, so that can be the same for his side! And a few friends of course.
We just don't have the space to host more than about 14 and he has 5 sisters!

shellybean3788 · August 2014

Take it from someone who had to change her own mindset on this exact subject:

STOP TRYING TO PLAN YOUR BABY SHOWER.

You are not the one throwing it, and the plans are none of your business. Be happy someone cared enough to do this for you, and try your best to enjoy it, regardless of the turnout.

jennypolkadots · August 2014

I am confused on a few things. Are you hosting your own baby shower? You should not be sending out invites or doing any of this. I think that is like the #1 faux pas. Get the host in touch with your grandma for addresses.

You have to draw the line somewhere. We are only doing people that we are close to that will be involved in our child's life. People who are genuinely excited about our pregnancy. This is not that many people. I agree it is gift grabby and tacky to invite practically everyone you have ever met. I say, if you do not have their phone number in your phone they are probably not a good guest for an intimate celebration. And seriously, these people do not want to come. They don't know you. Your grandma is closer to them so she thinks you are too, but you aren't and should just tell her that.

When is your shower? If you are in the 2nd trimester I am hoping it is not like November unless you live in SoCal lol I can't imagine 80 people in my backyard at any time of year, but def not for my showers in Nov/Dec.

jennypolkadots · August 2014

Oy, zombie thread. Why was this brought up again?

shellybean3788 · August 2014

jennypolkadots said:

Oy, zombie thread. Why was this brought up again?

No kidding. I just noticed that, too. Let's put it back to rest.

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