Horror Stories...

shellybean3788 · August 2014

I'm nearly 19 weeks pregnant with my first child, and have decided (after much research and consideration) to attempt an at-home water birth. I quickly realized that sharing this idea with anyone is a bad idea, and so I only volunteer this information now when EXPRESSLY asked what my plans are for my delivery.

That being said, I have never in my life been subjected to so many gruesome birth stories as I have been in the past few months.

"My second daughter broke my hip on the way out."

"My baby would've died if I hadn't been in the hospital."

Firefighter/Paramedic Friend: "I ran a call on a stillbirth caused by an at-home water birth. It was the midwife's fault. You can't trust those people."

"You know you can bleed to death in under five minutes. There will be no saving you if you hemorrhage at home."

The list goes on and on, and I have no idea how to politely tell people to stop telling me these stories. I have no doubt that what I am doing is safe as long as my pregnancy remains low-risk, but I honest to God can't help letting these thoughts into my head and I'm afraid they'll have a negative effect on my birthing process. (Adrenaline and fear are no good when trying to dilate, so I hear).

Have any of you experienced these types of horror stories?

babybunty · August 2014

I read if the midwife says your low risk then go for it. Myself I would want to be near a hospital just in case.
I'm a little off topic here but my grandmother had 7 children at home!! In Ireland, in a house with no electricity, running water or heating. That was in the 50's and 60's. She went to the hospital for her final 8th birth and the nurse asked her if it was her first as she seemed nervous hah! Poor granny was nervous of the hospital. I know while in hospital my brothers wife broke her hip delivering. I myself have to go hospital as I'm classed a high risk but it would be so comfortable and relaxing to stay at home.
Anyway sorry for going off topic there but I think if it feels right to you then go for it and just prepare and only listen to two people- your doctor and your midwife x x

526SadieSadie · August 2014

I think we all get horror stories, no matter what our birth plans are. Just stop telling people what you're planning to do.

KnitPixy · August 2014

The horror stories come no matter what you say about delievery. I'm high risk so out of the running for a home birth and I've been told I'm a horrible person for not considering a home birth. I get horror stories not matter what I say too... even the answer of "not sure what the plan is for the birth yet" or "we don't have firm plan yet" seems to have people spilling their guts about the worst experience they can think of.

I've taken to cutting people off and just saying, "Please stop, I'm really nervous about labour and stories don't help". I've starting doing it if it's a good story or a horror story.

Only words of wisdom on birth plans, especially a home birth, make sure you have a back up plan. Things don't always go as planned (not in a horrible way but sometimes things just happen) and it's good to have an idea of what your plan B is so you aren't panicing.

Friends of ours wanted to do a home water birth for their first but she did not want to come out. It wasn't a bad situation but they had decided (with their midwife) that after x amount of time they would go to the hospital. She had a fairly uneventful birth just a long labour and both her and her SO admit that they made the right call to go with plan B at the time.

Good luck!

BookitBoo · August 2014

Don't share your plans at all. redirect to something that's warm and fluffy:

"We're not sure but I do know I can't wait to hold my baby!"

You're going to get stories about all of your child birthing and rearing decisions from now on, I'm sad to say. It sucks.

ksgsmu · August 2014

I agree don't share your plans... everyone will have an opinion no matter what you decide! Just educate yourself about all your options and go with what is right for you!

I am having twins so I hear twin horror stories every day...I have started politely telling people I don't want to hear it.

I am not pro homebirth etc... but I did watch a fascninating documentary on it you may know of called "The Business of Being Born" it is on netflix... it is very slanted but I think it is worth watching. I learned alot about midwives, doulas and homebirths in general. Not an option for me with twins though.

wintersong139 · August 2014

bumwaters said:

I have lots of feels about home births, but I will put those aside for now.
OP - I would definitely stop telling people in general.
I am having a hospital birth and I still have people who feel the need to share their "horror stories", so I don't think that will ever end, but I would try to divert the conversation when brought up.

This. Regardless of what type of birth you are planning, the first thing people tell you is their own horror story. When I told my grandmother, the first thing she told me was how she didn't get to the hospital and had her baby on the side of the road. When I told my aunt, her first reaction was to tell me how my cousin broke her tailbone coming out. (He was something like 13 or 14 pounds, I know, ridiculous. He is still huge, almost 7 feet tall and stocky.) I usually just say something like, "Tell me these stories AFTER the birth!" in a joking voice and that usually calms them down.

People in the Natural Birth board are more likely to sympathize with you direct situation.

minirella · August 2014

shellybean3788 said:

Have any of you experienced these types of horror stories?

Never experienced but I do know and/or have met people with both negative and positive home-birth stories. With that said, I also know people with negative and positive experiences with a hospital birth.

vpeazy · August 2014

Is there an option to do a hospital water birth? One of my girlfriends did that due to the fear of needing medical intervention if necessary and LOVED it. The room was completely set up like a home.

Maebb · August 2014

I agree with PPs that if you have made up your mind and you don't want advice or horror stories, just say something like, "My plan is to get the baby out in the safest way I feel is possible" [if that's how you feel], and then change the subject. If someone tries to tell you a horror story, just say, "I know sometimes bad or unexpected things happen in labor, but I'm trying to keep my mind on the positive while preparing as much as I can for whatever might happen." Then change the subject again.

That being said, my SIL had a hospital water birth, and the baby ended up getting water in her lungs and admitted to the NICU for pnemonia. She's fine now. I know you didn't create this post to get even more horror stories, but like PPs said, people may be seriously concerned and just trying to help. But if you're not interested, avoid getting into detail about your birth plan, and then change the subject.

TehysKitaBug · August 2014

I'm getting a lot of complaints and horror stories just for wanting to go med free. I stopped talking about it completely. I love the idea of a water birth. My home is not equipped or situated in a way that would allow it. Just make sure you ask your midwife what kind of emergency equipment they carry with them for the birth. Some will carry drugs to stop bleeding, while others prefer herbs or more homeopathic remedies. Whatever you would prefer to use, its worth knowing what exactly your midwife will choose. Also ask about their home birthing statistics...someone who has a bad record of injury or hospital transfer is probably not someone you want to deliver with. I'm hoping you've covered all of this already...just covering the bases. Good luck on your delivery

Beevol · August 2014

Just adding another voice to the choir - if you don't want people's opinions, don't indulge them in the conversation. If they ask, hedge or be straightforward and say that you're not interested in discussing it.

You would get people's horror stories no matter what your plans were, and you probably will get them even if you don't share your birth plans. People love to gossip and "I pushed this person out of my vagina, it kind of hurt but it was cool" makes for very boring gossip. That being said, home births do have a higher risk of maternal and infant mortality, so they're just statistically more likely to dredge up stories - hence the advice not to share your plans.

On a more useful note, having been a doula and worked in maternal-infant medicine for over ten years now, I can say this - you cannot plan your delivery experience down to the details. Bodies do what bodies do and you will be much happier if you're prepared to roll with it. Whether that's wanting an epidural and being told you're too far dilated to get one or wanting a water birth and being told that being in the tub is slowing your labor too much to be a safe option (both pretty common). Make sure you have a good and trusted health care provider, do your research, and then when you have to throw your plans out the window, you will be able to be confident and in control to have a good and healthy delivery.

deux · August 2014

For the sake of balance, I'll put in that I had a wonderful home birth and am planning another one

I never really experienced any negativity about my plans, except for a few "you're so brave" or "I would never do that" comments. Just keep it vague, especially if you aren't sure how they'll respond.

sonoralove · August 2014

I would suggest educating yourself on home birth and mortality rates and successes. It's a great option and if someone tells you other wise, it's a great time to educate them on why you choose home birth with midwives. You could inspire other women that don't have the right information.

SheHulk723 · August 2014

It's your decision to make. Sorry that people seem to be discouraging you from it. My aunt had two children at home water births in the last 11 years or so. They both went just fine. The youngest though decided to come out before the tub was filled! So he wasn't really a water birth, but a sitting on the toilet birth haha.

summererobinson · August 2014

stop telling people. the truth is, they are right that if something happens at home, the chances of getting you or baby to a hospital in time if its serious are slim ( like emergency c section needed serious) however, its your choice and your the one that would haev to deal with whatever happened, so just stop telling people!

mommy5point0 · August 2014

Not with this issue specifically, but I had gastric bypass in 2008... EVERYONE has a story of their neighbor's cousin's wife's mailman's vet and how horribly wrong it went. Eventually I told family who naysayed I wasn't looking for opinions and stopped sharing that info with anyone I wasn't 100% sure would be supportive.

I'm assuming you're doing your research and are comfortable with all the odds and possibilities. You're an adult. You owe nobody anything. Just don't talk about it, especially if you're that sure this is what you want.

kdhuling · August 2014

Maybe it's just my personality but I want to be informed of all the pros and cons of whatever delivery method my husband and I may choose. I would so much rather be informed of not just the positive aspects but the negative ones as well and then make an educated decision on what is best for all of us based on that. Shutting out the bad aspects and asking not to hear them doesn't stop them from being a potential reality. I'm not say this just about home births but any type of birth.

JaymeeLH · August 2014

No matter what you're planning, someone is inevitably going to have a horror story. If your heart is set on a homebirth I would research the hell out of the midwives you interview, ask to speak with former clients or reach out in your area to see if anyone else used them, ask to see stats on births they've attended, find out what they carry in the event that something does go wrong, and how soon they pull the plug if they sense that things are going to go downhill. Do not attempt an unattended homebirth especially if this is your first. Have a backup plan in place with your midwife should something go amiss, a good midwife will have an OB and a hospital that they work with (I know in NY in order for a midwife to be certified they must work underneath an OB) that they can call in an emergency, and a good midwife will also know the warning signs of a true emergency. All that said, the natural birth board can be a wealth of information and will be more supportive of your choices. Good luck!

runawaylaurel · August 2014

@icarriedawatermelon, my midwifery practice doesn't require any ultrasounds, they're all elective. They don't have an ultrasound in the office. They classify low/high risk by many other indicators, and can tell a lot about the placental location and fetal growth by external exams. I do not know if this is typical, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

I, personally, am electing to have an anatomy scan for the reasons you listed. If there's something potentially wrong or something that could challenge my current choice to do a homebirth, and I can gain that info from the ultrasound, I'd like to know so I can plan accordingly.

Bigboneded · August 2014

I know a few people who homebirth without complications.... I know you have fewer interventional options. My hubby would never agree to a home birth, he's an OB nurse. I have twins and feel I am high risk, OB not concerned, I am not comfortable witha homebirth for me. I am so in favor of home birth for my girlfriends who have healthy babies at home. I think they both had one uneventful hospital delivery first.... Be informed and make the best choice for you! Wishing you a very healthy delivery, whatever you choose! :-)

KMommytobe · August 2014

Gosh I personally would be much more nervous delivering at home than at the hospital. Even if you have a low risk pregnancy, birth is so unpredictable and especially if you are a FTM you just have no idea what to expect, how you will handle the pain etc I would personally be concerned about if there was an emergency. How much could the midwife handle and at what point would I need to be transported to a hospital and how quickly could I get there?

I know it's becoming popular to be more vocal about it your birth experience and wanting things to go a certain way and while I think that's great and women SHOULD be more vocal about it and understand their bodies more, you just never know if you could run into an emergency situation where the baby would need to come out NOW. I guess that is enough for me to deliver at a hospital personally.

I know there are birth centers close to hospitals or attached to hospitals where you could have water births but still be close by to a hospital should any problems arise.

Anyway that's just my personal feelings on it and it is your decision. I don't think I know anyone who delivered at home so no crazy stories or anything like that.

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