1st RE Appointment Nerves and Expectations

bocaburger · August 2014

Tomorrow is our first RE appointment. I'd love to know more about your first experiences and what to expect.

Background: TTC since 10/12, although we haven't been trying much the past few months since we basically gave up on it happening without treatment. We have seen OBGYNs a number of times but no RE yet. I've had bloodwork done (although I imagine they'll want more) and an u/s that showed multiple follicles consistent with PCOS. So far all signs point to PCOS and I'm just praying there's nothing else. SA was normal. I haven't had an HSG so I'm guessing they'll want that done. I've never once been able to pinpoint ovulation, but I'm terrible at charting. My cycles are anywhere from 20-50 days but have been slightly less irregular since January.

My big anxiety is that when we started TTC, I was in a place where I could basically quit anything I was doing to deal with a difficult pregnancy or stay home with a baby, but this summer I started a very expensive and very rigorous graduate program. I'm terrified that if I got pregnant and had a very bad pregnancy (especially if we are started on treatment that makes multiples likely) I would have to drop out of the program, lose tens of thousands of dollars (we are in debt right now from the program) and possibly give up my career. I'm also worried that I won't be able to be a good mother while I'm in this program. But we have been trying for almost two years already and I have no idea how much longer it will take, and I don't want to take a break from TTC and decrease our chances of it working after. DH really does not want to take a break from TTC, but he's not the one who would have to give up his career plans (although he would get straddled with my debt). This is the first time we haven't been on the same page with all this. I'm terrified that based on what the RE recommends, we will have to make some big decisions about our plans that could be really tough on our relationship.

Advice, thoughts, and prayers more than welcome. Thanks.

shirleymaeby · August 2014

Hi there, sorry you have to be here but welcome to the board. You've come to a great place for advice and support.

At my first RE appt we had a 30 minute "interview" with her where she went over our TTC history, results of testing and blood work we'd already done and our personal health histories. After that she did an ultrasound on me where she gave me an idea of my egg reserves by counting my follicles (something I had never had done before and found really helpful). Then she recommended that we start on IUI and gave us the whole rundown on how it works. She had us in a treatment plan within 2 weeks.

I don't have any advice about PCOS or about timing. I can see both sides of the argument, you not wanting to put off grad school and him not wanting to delay any further. DH and I have had some road bumps come up since we started treatment but our philosophy is that best case scenario we get pregnant first try and then we figure out how to deal with the rest of it and worst case scenario we never get lucky and it was all a moot point anyway. It's never going to be exactly the right time to get pregnant but you just have to decide for yourself whether the timing will work for you.

GL!!

LindseyM2012 · August 2014

****child mentioned - not mine***

I agree with others in saying there is no convenient time to be pregnant and have a baby. As adults, there is always going to be a time when your schedule is packed, finances could be better, etc... I completely understand your worry about your graduate program though. That is a completely valid concern and you're not the only one on this board who has had to consider this. I'll offer my personal experience on this; hopefully it will help:

I am also in graduate school and work full time. It can be exhausting, as I'm sure your current program is exhausting. My husband and I started TTC last year. If we were successful, I would have already had the baby by the time my internship began, so it would have been perfect (in theory). I am starting that 10 month internship next week where my paid work hours will be cut. We both want kids so much, and have been waiting for long enough (my husband longer than I because he needed to wait for me to be ready). We decided together that we want this enough that we are going to do what we have to do. If that means I end up taking a term off of my graduate program, so be it. If that means we cannot eat out for the next 10 months and have to live on rice and butter to pay the RE bills, so be it.

I don't know if taking a break from your program if you need to is an option, but I would think most programs will allow for that - especially for maternity leave. I've talked to one of my colleagues about being a busy mother because she just had her 2nd baby, is building a house and is taking on multiple roles at work...and she seems to have her household on point. Based on her experience, she says your body just does what it needs to do. That's not to say it isn't going to be challenging, that you'll get the same amount of sleep or have the same amount of energy, or that the dishes or laundry will always be done, but people can do it. People do juggle the things they want to/need to juggle.

You should get a good picture of what the time/financial/physical commitments of treatment are (monitoring appts, procedures if necessary, OOP costs, etc.) at your consult and through the testing cycle. Ask lots of questions, especially if you're anxious. It sounds like you had a good start with your ob/gyn but the RE does this stuff day in and day out. Hopefully you'll have enough information to make an informed decision. If you need to hold off on treatment for a few months, at least your tests will be done and you'll have a treatment plan in place. And being with an RE, you are going to be monitored to watch for the possibility of multiples. Again, that way you can make an informed decision whether or not to sit out a cycle if you have a chance of multiples and do not want to do selective reduction.

It is a lot to think about, but most of us have been in your position. This is a good place to ask these sorts of questions, get advice or just talk about anxieties. Good luck at your first appointment and keep us updated, if you want.

ETA: SO SORRY for the book. I didn't think it'd be this long!!

BunnyBerry · August 2014

So sorry for the very tough decisions you're facing! It totally sucks that women's careers are at risk anytime they get pregnant.

In our situation, MH has 4 more years of engineering school and just quit his part time job because it got too intense. So apparently I'm supposed to support his tuition, our life, IF costs, and a baby and daycare on my teacher's salary. It's physically impossible, but weighing the chance to have our complete family, we finally decided we will do anything to make it work and screw financial security.

Now, there is a difference as we've been trying since 1/2009, and hope for several (3+) kids. Perhaps wait and see what the RE says? If he says, look your age is fine, I see a clear and easily treatable cause of IF, perhaps you might wait a bit for treatment without really changing your chances?

Also thinking about the timing, I've heard that as hard as it is to be pregnant and a new mom while in school, it's an easier and more flexible time than doing that while building a career.

Whatever you decide, I'm praying for you to have peace and wisdom about this decision, and to get some great news from the RE!

Ashlee8809 · August 2014

My first RE appointment is tomorrow too! We're in this together - GOOD LUCK! Excuse my while I stalk this thread to prepare myself...

bocaburger · August 2014

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand my dilemma.

@Ashlee8809, good luck tomorrow!!!!

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