Husband is freaking out about baby shower gifts

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

My DH keeps telling me how is he is afraid all we are gonna get is clothes and we will have to buy most of the stuff off our registry especially the big things like our bedding we picked out, some other furniture, the pack n play. I told him people usually buy a thing or two off the registry and then buy stuff that they like. I told him it's not any different then our wedding registry we didn't get everything off of it or got stuff that wasn't on it. My shower isn't until September 13th. Now while I have been to a few showers in my time, I know people get a thing or two of the registry and then buy clothes. We are good on the crib (my parents just bought that) and the stroller/car seat (his family bought that) I told him usually my aunts all get together and buy a big ticket item usually it's the stroller/car seat but since we have that maybe they will buy us the glider or bedding set (he keeps asking if they know we have it already and I tell him yes plus it's not on the registry and they wouldn't buy that unless they knew which specific one we wanted) I wish he would just relax plus if we get to many clothes we could always take them back and use them towards other stuff also we have one of registries through Babies R Us and they have it so with so much money spent from our registry we get a certain amount back to use.

jess123456 · August 2014

That's a great point about returning the stuff and getting store credit towards other things.

I actually decided not to have a shower so while we have luckily had some very generous family members purchase the larger gifts (crib, dresser and glider and travel system), a lot of the stuff I bought second hand like a bouncer etc. Check out online yard sales on Facebook for your area and you would be surprised at the great deals you can get. I scored a practically new Ergo for $40 recently and a play mat and Bumbo seat for under $15 each. I guess I mention this because even if you don't end up getting help with all the items you need, you don't necessarily have to pay full retail price for them.

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

I think he just thinks we will ONLY get clothes and then we will have to buy everything else. I guess because his mom talks about buying more clothes then anything else that has him freaked out that everyone is going to be like her.

If we don't get some of the big things like the glider and the dresser we are gonna use as the changing table we are able to afford it all on our own it would just be nice if we didn't have to so we could use the money towards diapers and formula. I'm not worried because most of the people coming to our shower have all had kid so they know what you do and don't need so I know we will get a lot of the stuff we do need.

jj0313 · August 2014

I'm SO not a poster that feels like people shouldn't feel entitled to the showers and yada yada yada but really, if any of us don't get the big ticket items: tough cookies. We signed up for this journey-not our friends and family. I will be THRILLED if anyone gets me any of my big tickets (I didn't put crib, glider, stroller on there so know those will already be me) but if I don't get them I will deal. And every outfit someone gets me is one I don't have to get myself sooooo....I guess tell your husband beggars can't be choosers? It will all work out!

absolutelymaybe · August 2014

Tell your DH to suck it up and that it is YOUR baby and YOUR job to buy the stuff for it, not everyone else's. I'm sorry, you know I love you, right? But his attitude is really gift grabby. People are not required to get you anything -- ESPECIALLY the big items. I don't even know most people who put furniture and stuff on their registries (if it is bought by someone, it's a pre-arranged thing and not a surprise).

And be excited about clothes because clothes add up $$$ wise. The less clothes you have to buy the more money you can save and invest into the larger items.

We just had our co-ed baby shower this weekend. We had about 30 people there and, honestly, the largest item purchased was either our baby bath or our diaper bag (the diaper bag was filled with diapers, wipes and other odds and ends, so value wise, it probably cost more). But I got so much awesome useful small stuff it's not even funny. All of that saves me from having to buy it later.

ccam · August 2014

Sorry, but it does sound super gift grabby. I would buy stuff like your dresser and glider now so you don't have to worry about it a month or two before the baby is here.

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

@Emnob28 I guess you didn't see my comment that said I'm not worried at all. I'm sorry you took my post as being a selfish person and feel that I should be flamed for this. It's just kind of frustrating to have my husband be this nervous when I don't feel there is anything to be nervous about. I guess I need to be clearer

jj0313 · August 2014

Just tell him to slow his roll.

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

My H was the one who wanted to put some of that furniture on the registry. Plus my parents only bought the Crib because they bought both my brothers their first child's crib and they wanted to do it. I'm not sure where some of you are getting that I'm a gift grabby I can see where you are getting that my H is one. I"m grateful for anything anyone gets us, my mom actual told me to stop buying stuff until my shower (because appartently I was buying to much stuff) because then no one else could buy anything.(which I think she probably meant more her then anyone else)

So sorry if you all felt that I am a selfish gift grabber just wanted to vent about how my H is kind of stressing me out about something I don't feel needs to be stressed about

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

@Emnob28 again probably not being very clear here. So let me see if I can be better at explaining myself.

My H is worried that the only thing we will receive at the shower is clothes and NOTHING else. As a way to relax him I said that my Aunts (this is a past experience from all other relatives showers) usually they all get together and buy one big ticket item usually it has been the stroller/car seat. Since his family already bought us one they might do something else. (I'm just assuming though not expecting it)

With what my guests know what we need and what we don't is refering more to the fact that they WON'T just buy us clothes.

So I guess my post didn't come across the best (probably from being at work, slightly sick, and only during a break to quickly write it) I know that whatever we get will be wonderful and nice but do I expect to get EVERY SINGLE ITEM I want, of course not so I'm not worried about what we don't get it cause I know we can afford it.

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

@FhSTAR81 nothing wrong with clothes but we have had quite of few people already give us clothes PLUS my SIL gave me a bunch of her DD's old clothes. We certaintly could use more but I also had a friend who got a ton of clothes and her DD probably didn't wear half of them because she had so many and had out grown a lot before wearing them.

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

@lovebuggies1 I guess I'm just reassuring my H the wrong way. The only reason I say take stuff back is because I have been to showers where someone got 6 of the same thing and at most they needed just 2. Also some got 4 of the same outfit in the same size and color Plus even from our wedding we received a few duplicates that we took back and bought other things with the store credit (which I'm assuming everyone does/did after their own wedding). So saying there could be something to take back I just assume we might get something we thought we needed but don't so we could take it back and get something that is needed.

And of course why wouldn't thinking anything we get (especially big ticket items) be nice so we don't have to buy them be a bad thing. Yes I tell him about things my family has done in the past with other's baby showers because they pretty much have done it for everyone's shower in the past. So yes I assume they will do the same for me because of the past 9 showers I have been to in the last 2 1/2 years have all been about the same with things bought per the new mom to be

phdprocrastinator · August 2014

It sounds to me like you're being fairly reasonable, actually, but that your husband is freaking out needlessly. Did he help make the registry? Has he looked at the ridiculous lists of "must haves" out there? I wonder if he thinks there is something big that is missing and that you guys haven't accounted for. I would approach him that way - since you'll be fine even if you only get clothes at the shower, what is it that he's worrying about.

FWIW, my husband got a little obsessive about money when I was pregnant with DD. He's chilled out now, but at the time it was like he felt that we needed all the money to raise her from crib to college RIGHT NOW!

He also, very helpfully, became obsessed about baby safety. Seriously, our house was baby-proofed before DD was born (and it's really not necessary until they start moving around). He added a bunch of baby-proofing stuff to the registry that I hadn't thought about really. Sure, I'd registered for the super cute whale bath spout cover, but hadn't thought about plug covers and cabinet locks.

It's possible that if you talk to him you'll find out that he's got something in his brain that he's worrying about but hasn't fully expressed to you, and it's coming out as him worrying about the baby registry.

Good luck!

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

I guess we all have different understandings on assuming and expecting. Yeah I'm assuming stuff from my family because I have seen similar actions from them in the past when it comes to baby showers. They all usually bought something that was a necessary item like bottles or diapers and then also gave something that isn't all that necessary like a toy or some kind of outfit not like a plain onesie. So yes I'm assuming I'll get some stuff that I need and stuff I don't need. I'm not expecting to get every single item I'm requesting. I have already been told buy a few that they are gonna buy somewhere else other then our where our is registry and I'm like that's cool. So yeah Guess should have either waited till I got home so I could have better explained this although it doesn't seem that would have helped. But thanks for the tough love I'm there are ladies on here who aren't afraid to tell it like it is.....so thanks hope there are no hard feelings with any of you

jj0313 · August 2014

I mean this nicely, this was all pretty tame in terms of a flaming-stop trying to explain yourself. Just take the advice you feel worth taking and move on with it. Best of luck-sounds like you are lucky enough to have a husband who is paying attention and worried about having the baby's needs met. That's great. He will realize soon that you guys are going to be a-ok.

jj0313 · August 2014

For what it's worth, I once got my ass handed to me on a plate by the folks over on the trip advisor boards. Talk about wanting to go back in time and never having posted...

ssstephanie214 · August 2014

CHILL DAD

absolutelymaybe · August 2014

Dumbgurl04 said:

I guess we all have different understandings on assuming and expecting. Yeah I'm assuming stuff from my family because I have seen similar actions from them in the past when it comes to baby showers. They all usually bought something that was a necessary item like bottles or diapers and then also gave something that isn't all that necessary like a toy or some kind of outfit not like a plain onesie. So yes I'm assuming I'll get some stuff that I need and stuff I don't need. I'm not expecting to get every single item I'm requesting. I have already been told buy a few that they are gonna buy somewhere else other then our where our is registry and I'm like that's cool. So yeah Guess should have either waited till I got home so I could have better explained this although it doesn't seem that would have helped. But thanks for the tough love I'm there are ladies on here who aren't afraid to tell it like it is.....so thanks hope there are no hard feelings with any of you

This is why I love our board. We don't blow smoke up each other's asses. If we feel another poster is being unreasonable, we say it. I hope people will call me out if they think something I'm saying doesn't sit well.

I admit, I was a little gentler because I know you and normally your posts don't rub me the wrong way. You don't strike me as someone who has an entitled attitude, so I took your post with a grain of salt and tried to assume the wording just wasn't the best. If you were a newbie or a poster where I didn't have any context, I probably would've flamed and GIF'd up the joint. :-)

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