does my kid not like his daycare? or is he just being 2? wwyd

rapaulson · August 2014

DS, started at a new in-home daycare this past May when he turned 2. Now we just learned we got into a preschool center (which also does 4k) we'd been waiting to get into for quite a while. It's about 2 blocks from the in-home, both very close to our house, just $100 more/month. I think I'll want to send him to preschool at some point, or at least 4K if nothing else, so that in-home wouldn't be the last stop before he starts school. I don't know whether to pull him out of his current place and get him into the center or wait. If we wait, the center says they don't anticipate any future openings until June 2016, when he'll have just turned 4. (but of course there may be other preschools we could try to get into in the future too...)

Anyway, I love the in-home. But the main reason i'm even considering the switch right now is that every morning almost, he tells me he doesn't want to go there. He puts up a big fit about putting on his shoes and going to the car, says "i don't want to go to Manda's house" (what he calls the daycare). I have no doubt the in-home is a good place to be - licensed, accredited, lots of good references, lots of good activities. it's not that she's abusing the kids or something. I don't know if he just doesn't want to go because he'd rather be with me, or he doesn't click with the daycare person or the other kids, or what's going on. Or is he just being 2? So i'm wondering from parents of other 2 year olds (or formerly 2 year olds) if this is a common reaction and would probably happen anywhere or if it really may be that he doesn't like going to the in-home, but could love going to a different place? He's only been there for about 3 months now, so maybe he's just still adjusting?

We also have a baby due in October and planned to start him at the in-home next September (the earliest she could take him - will have a nanny until then). It'd be much easier to do one drop off when the time comes, but either way the places are nice and close which is lucky. What to do!? Thanks for reading.

aglenn · August 2014

I vote normal 2-year-old behavior. Both of my kids had/have trouble with transitions in their 2's and would do this even though they LOVED their daycare classes once they were there. They would also have trouble getting ready to go home at the end of the day and want to linger and say goodbye to their friends over and over, etc.

I would probably keep in where he is now because I'd worry that switching would just add to the stress of changes when the baby is born.

rapaulson · August 2014

That is very helpful to hear! Thank you. That's a good point about also not wanting to add more stress from transition with the new baby coming....

shakinros · August 2014

I don't know because my just-turned-2yo does exactly the same thing. I feel terrible leaving her there everyday but DH swears she's happy at the end of the day.

MickeyM04 · August 2014

Hmmm, I'm torn. Is he like this every day? If so, for how long has it been going on? My 2 year old DS has at least 1-2 days a week where he's a stinker about going to DC: "No school! No friends! I don't like it!" Then the rest of the time he's racing to get his shoes on and going, "School! School!" If he was like "No school!" and having a fit about it every day, I would probably start to wonder, at least if it was the entire time he was there. If there had been any period of time (a week, a month, etc.) where he liked it and was happy to go and then all of a sudden started acting like he didn't want to go, I would assume he was just going through a phase. If your DS has literally been like this the entire time he has been going to this DC, I might assume he wasn't clicking and try someplace else. However, since I know my DS likes his DC insofar as most days he is happy to be there, even if he had a 2, 3, 4 week span of not wanting to go, I would just leave him where he was and know he was just being 2.

rapaulson · August 2014

I think he has liked it at times. For awhile we could get him interested in going by saying, "do you want to go and play with trains and/or cars at Fernanda's house!?" And he would get excited and go. That doesn't seem to work any more. Some days, he's more willing to at least get his shoes on and get out the door at least without throwing a fit even if he's thrilled about it. But lately, every morning as I'm changing his diaper right after he wakes up, he tells me "i don't want to go to manda's house." And that breaks my heart.

But yeah, it could be a phase. And I believe he does fine once he's there. At first he didn't play much with the other kids, but he's still young and had been so used to a nanny that this was a big change. Now he has a little guy his age who he kind of plays with, but mostly just fights over toys with.

Mustardseed2007 · August 2014

I vote that this is probably normal as well, and given your additional info it may just be part of the transition. DS has been doing this all day this week. Today when I dropped him off in his class room he really couldn't have been happier.

We had a longer, 3 day weekend b/c daycare closed one day to reset for the school year, and I think that contributed to his "don't want to go" stuff.

What I would be judging it by is what he's like at drop offs and pick ups. And if you're concerned maybe stop in unexpectedly some time and pick him up early and see what happens. I know I've picked DS up midday before and found him to be playing happily (one time he was sad to leave b/c they were just about to start music, since then I try and time my pick ups a little better if I can).

ETA: And sometimes I think when my DS is throwing a fit about going to school, it's really about not wanting to get dressed and go any place at all. On the weekends he will sometimes throw fits about putting on pants or taking off his jamas cause he'd prefer to just wear them all day.

minirella · August 2014

Probably normal. I'll mention that my 4 year old has a preference - she loves the church preschool (they follow the ISD calendar) and she HATES the daycare center that she is in for the summer. She asks everyday to stay home, go to grandma's or to the church. I'll be honest that the daycare has a very institutionalized feeling and is very different from the church so I really can't blame her. Plus, she's been at the church preschool since she was 2 years old and she is comfortable there.

What happens if you change and he continues saying that he doesn't want to go?

rapaulson · August 2014

Yeah i would be bummed if we changed and then he still said he didn't want to go, which is quite likely. But eventually we think it'd be good to have him at this center or some place like it so that he's in a setting a little more reminiscent of school before he actually starts school. It's hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes!

minirella · August 2014

It sounds as though you don't have any concerns regarding the home daycare. I think you should always go with your gut and what feels right with childcare. Maybe take your son over to the daycare and see how he reacts to it all before you make a decision.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

How long does he cry after drop off?

How does he act during the day? His mood?

How is he when you pick him up?

rapaulson · August 2014

He only cries at drop off some days, like once or twice a week. And he's usually enjoying himself when we pick him up. And i think his mood during the day is fine. My husband picks him up and doesn't ask, but I should make an effort to ask more in the morning. I'm thinking we'll stick with this place and then reconsider a preschool or 4k later on. THanks for helping me talk through it everyone!

scrappingcat · August 2014

My scenario is a little different in that my DS was 3 when this happened but there had been some changes at his in-home in that she only had him and her 2 sons. She would take her sons to school and pick up daily due to being just inside the perimeter for bussing. My DS had been at this daycare since he was 15 months and we all loved it and loved his provider. Shortly after he turned 3 he would cry all the way to daycare in the morning with super tear-filled good byes. We tried everything but every morning I would look back at him and he would have tears pouring down his face.

Fast-forward about 9 months and the daycare provider was leaving. We were bummed but luckily found a great provider who was very sensitive to our current situation and what we thought was some significant separation anxiety. DS was so excited to go, even the first day. When we picked him up after his first day he excitedly told me " I had a great day! I didn't even have to go in the car!" Immediately we understood what was going on with the previous daycare. He has also been forthcoming about other little things that he disliked there.

At just turned 2, it is unlikely anything like this but just wanted to share my experience. I also want to say that I feel your pain and frustration. It's hard to leave them every day knowing that they are so upset!

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does my kid not like his daycare? or is he just being 2? wwyd

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