Hen do stress!! (LONG)

missjanine · August 2014

So this isn't about babies as such but being pregnant and getting this stressed I feel the need to vent!
My best friend and mum are arranging my hen do for next year as I'm getting married in June. My SIL to be is meant to be a bridesmaid and then my best friend is maid of honor. My partner has a small family so the only people on his side that have been invited are his mum, auntie and his sister. All three have said that they are not coming. My SIL to be is now ranting to my partner telling him that she isn't going and can't afford it. I think they are all being unreasonable in not coming and it's really upset me. It is atleast 8 months away and I know for a fact it's costing no more than £100! I personally think that is plenty of time to save and I know that they are all well off for money so that's not the issue! I'm just really upset that none of my so called future 'family' can be bothered to make an effort for my hen do and that they are now involving my partner! I don't know if it's just hormones that are making me feel this stressed and I'm over reacting? I don't know what is planned but can't imagine it's anything that wouldn't be suitable for all as my nan is going as well as my close friends who are 24/25! Am
I being unreasonable?

[Deleted User] · August 2014

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hellopartyof5 · August 2014

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelorette_party FYI for all us Americans

ETA: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/fashion/weddings/in-england-bachelorette-parties-of-a-different-stripe.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

maybe that one is more helpful.

MaineMama · August 2014

Ummm...If you're here, I assume you are due to have a baby in December. You'll be getting hitched in June, so this hen do will be about a month before? You'll have a 5month old baby. Maybe I am projecting, but you wont give a shit who shows up for the hen do, in fact, you'd rather they rent you a hotel room just for yourself for the entire weekend and just show up a few times a day with food.

Don't stress, a lot is going to change by May of next year.

Cryssteen · August 2014

If it's too expensive for your friends/family, politely ask that the concept is changed to a night out or something. Otherwise, you kinda have to accept that some people cannot afford it. That's the way it goes.

rshamos · August 2014

I don't think you are overreacting, but if they are going to be overly dramatic before your party, then you don't want them there anyways. MH and I have a rule, our priority family is him and me. Now also the baby. Anyone who wants to participate is more than welcome, but we are not going to beg anyone to be involved. I had a lot of disappointment with my wedding bc of my family, so we made this rule and so far so good. Good luck and I hope it all works out.

Beevol · August 2014

If they're making a fuss about it then that is their problem - sure it's annoying, but ~$175 (that's the conversion, right?) is a lot of money for a night out and not everyone can afford that even if they could "save up" between now and then. Besides, it'll be more fun if everyone there wants to be there and is ready for a good time instead of worrying about how much it cost or otherwise getting their panties in a wad.

Cheekers2010 · August 2014

I agree with the ladies saying that if you have family that are already whinging about this then you don't want them there. You want people who will have a good time and help you have a good time. Don't stress about it now.

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

Every time I read this I think of Jai Ho and now that song is stuck in my head.

Any time there are financial difficulties it's better the people aren't involved UNLESS theres a cheaper alternative. The fact is that even if they have a lot of time to save money, it's their money and not yours. They may be saving for something else or have a lot of bills you don't know about. Go with the people that can and just have fun. Try not to let it get to you and just have a good time.

To be fair my bachelorette party had absolutely none of my or MH family (except for my SIL who was a bridesmaid).

missjanine · August 2014

Thanks for all your replies. I have left them all to get on with it and decided to not be a part of it. I show up when told and the rest is up to them! X

JunkieBrewster · August 2014

I have to say, no matter how good the friend, I would also probably not join a party that was going to cost me that much. Wedding? Sure, but not a party.

laurajayne11 · August 2014

I think this is where the difference between Britain and American weddings is seen. For a hen do this isn't a ridiculous amount of money, in my opinion. It's only for very close friends and families, so usually people are excited to celebrate. Most british hen do' s involve a weekend away etc, or more than one to involve different groups of people- so maybe another closer to home, that is just like a night out, so is much more cheap to attend (maybe for work friends etc). My hen do was £200 for 2 nights away, cocktail making session, evening meal on both nights, spa access and entry to bars/clubs. Just putting the concept of the hen do out there :-)

I don't think you are over reacting but they sound as if you are better off without them there so that you can enjoy your time without worrying if anyone will 'kick off'. Have fun on your hen!

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