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November 2014 Moms
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How can I get through this break up?

SharSharxSharSharx member
in November 2014 Moms
Hi all, First time doing one of these so will just get started. Myself and my partner have been together for 8 years, been through some ups and downs but have come through the other end and we are now expecting out first child. I'm 23 and 27 weeks pregnant and it hasn't been easy at all. The disappointing part is that I really thought my partner would take an active role in helping and concerning himself with me. He'll try his best to come to midwife apps and has rushed to Hosp when I was taken in. For a while now he's been very distant, not even touching my stomach to feel when the baby kicks or interested in talking about the baby really. This has really got me down as my best friend and mother don't live nearby so don't really have another support system close by. I know hormones sometimes get the better of us pregnant ladies but sometimes it's hard not to snap. We don't always feel 100% and not the chirpiest people to be around. Let's just say all this is the excuse my partner has given for moving out, as much as I'd love to say I'll get over it I can't. Days currently consist of duvet over my head, curtains closed and not really communicating with anyone. Losing him means also losing a future we'd always planned together and I just can't see myself ever being 'Ok'. Any words of advice would be amazing as I know myself I can't sit here forever. Baby's on the way and I need to be strong....
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  • misterdonutmisterdonut member
    Answer ✓
    Haha you're lucky he even goes to your midwife appointments! I'm happily married and I go to most on my own so I'm glad hes making effort to do that at least. Just remember that as pregnant women we are physically needier as well and men dont know this. I had to explicitly tell my husband to feel me more especially the belly. Try to communicate your needs calmly. Men also forget that its physically draining... Its almost as if they get used to it and think you're back to normal sometimes.

    Try to exercise too. It helps with moodiness and sadness really!! As hard as it is to stay active its good for you and baby.
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  • carcrashheartcarcrashheart member
    Answer ✓
    Ha, yeah, DH only comes to ultrasound appts. There's no reason to drag him out of work for regular appts. As for getting over it, I suppose it's the same as most break ups, especially at that age. Being together at age 17 meant there was still a ton of growing up to do so it was possible for this to happen, unfortunately. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. Just do whatever you can to get yourself through the day. I went through a bad break up at that age and it took a year or so before I stopped having moments of tears. I wouldn't expect him to want to touch your belly or anything like that. That's more of a couple bonding act. Men don't tend to bond with their babies until they are born also. It's just harder for them to grasp the whole concept since they aren't the ones carrying the baby. Moms tend to bond much quicker (though not all). I would try to find some local mom groups or mom to be groups to try to meet new friends that will be in a similar place that you are once baby arrives. Unfortunately, you're mostly on your own, the situation is what it is, and it's going to make you have to grow up even more even faster and I imagine the once baby arrives motherhood will take over as priority and the break up will be less at the front of your mind. For now, try to focus on short term goals and as cliche as it is, time will help heal. Good luck.
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Re: How can I get through this break up?

  • SharSharxSharSharx member
    Thankyou so much for answering, as much as i would love to tell him how hard it is, I think it's too late. Can't help but feel a little abandoned in the time I need him the most. But I do think fresh air and a walk may just help to clear my mind and get a little excercise too!
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