How do you inform family and friends?

purduepat2004 · August 2014

I feel like an imposter, now that I am not pregnant. I just had a D&C and was 11 weeks pregnant. How do you tell people?

Spring78 · August 2014

My sister is a doctor in the hospital where I got the bad news so the nurse called her in since I was there alone (DH hadn't come to appointment). My sister offered to share the news with the rest of the family. I couldn't face those calls. It worked well. Maybe you could pick one person you trust to take on the responsibility of notifying others.

paintdadanta · August 2014

I called my mother when we got home from our appointment crying and telling her the news. She offered to tell the rest of the family for me which helped a lot. Each time I tried to tell anyone in person, I couldn't keep it together. I think it depends though on the person and your relationship with those you wish to tell. I was raised to believe that crying in front of others wasn't acceptable so it was more difficult for me to deal with it in person.

ctk181 · August 2014

I also told my mom right away over the phone and she told my brother (he is the only other family member that knew). I sent an email to the few friends that knew and apologized for telling them via email but explained that it was too hard for me to talk about (I still can't talk about it without crying). They were all great and understood. I think you can do it however you feel comfortable and people will understand.

matiekae · August 2014

I also used texting to three of my closest friends. I had my husband tell everyone on his side who who knew. I told my dad over the phone, and after the initial breakdown I realized that I felt bad for him... he is a man who ALWAYS knows what to say, and even he was at a loss for the appropriate thing to say (because the appropriate response doesn't exist of course). So although it seems less personal I'm glad I texted everyone else. This way they didn't have to say all the wrong things and feel guilty, and I didn't have to listen to them and feel bad for them as they did it. I do want to eventually tell the rest of our friends and family when it's not so fresh. I want our diamond to be remembered by more than just me.

Do what you can, people will understand.

SunshineShades · August 2014

I texted a few friends and told my sister on facebook. Otherwise no one else knew I was pregnant. I had DH call my mum to tell her (she never knew I was pregnant), we decided she should know, but I knew I would not be able to call her and tell her. This was almost 3 weeks after learning I had a MMC and was waiting for a d&c.
Now over a month out I still haven't ever in conversation said "I lost a baby", but am able to bring it up to people who already knew.

daystardreams · August 2014

I called my best friend as soon as the appointment was over (she was on the way to my house anyway), then I called my mom, my dad, and both of my sisters. That was everybody that I had told about the pregnancy. I specifically asked each of them to be sure that anyone that they told about the pregnancy, also now knew about the miscarriage. I texted a co-worker. They knew that I was going to my first ultrasound and had all asked for updates. My boss called and I asked for the week off.

My boyfriend however, struggled on the telling of people. Since the loss we've been stopped three times by people that he knows but doesn't see often and been asked about the baby. It is so lame to be out in public and have it thrown up in your face. It is really worth it to get it all over with now and be sure to remind people that anybody they told about the pregnancy needs to be "untold" now.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

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