I Cant Do This :(

alohamel · August 2014

I'm sitting here crying to myself because I can't stop thinking about leaving LO in daycare. I honestly feel like I cant do this and feel that Id rather have no money and stay home with her. I feel sick and devastated thinking about it. I dont know what to do. Thank you for listening to my vent. Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. TIA.

Jessimax · August 2014

It's really sucks that you Americans have to leave your LO's so early, but being a stay at home parent full time really sucks (IMO) it's so boring and tedious. You will appreciate your time together more. And by working you'll be able to afford things like swim lessons, music classes and holidays to benefit the kiddos as they get older.

Megczapla · August 2014

This was me the other day. We were only slated to put DS in daycare one day a week with family doing the remaining workdays. We decided against it. If it wasn't for me providing the healthcare for our family, id be staying home. You know what's best for you and your family. Hang in there. Know you're not alone! I'm so anxious about returning to work on Monday..

alohamel · August 2014

Thank you ladies. This is so hard! I am very thankful for this board to be able hear from other moms who have such great advice and similar situations.

WifeofaComposer · August 2014

I'm right there with you @alohamel - which is why I stayed home when Skippy was a baby, and I'm staying home now, too. When Skippy was a baby, I ran a daycare out of my home so I could pay bills. I had to stop after 3 years because we moved to an apartment that didn't allow any kind of home business, so I put him into preschool. It sucked, and I cried every day for weeks, but I had to get a job outside of the home because I was the only provider. It's different because he was older and he LOVED being with his friends, but babies can't really tell us how their days are with other people. Now, I'm married to a wonderfully supportive man who is happy that I want to stay home with our kids, and he's working and schooling a lot so I can stay home. We agreed that whatever income I'd earn would end up paying for childcare alone, so it isn't worth it financially.

If you choose to stay home, here is my advice, and I'm telling you this from experience - being a stay at home parent is exhausting and can make you feel trapped, so make sure you have some kind of outlet, otherwise you may find yourself losing sense of your personality. Keep sight of who you are and don't get lost in mommyland. Find things to do that don't involve being a mom.

yellowflower15 · August 2014

It's hard, but it gets better. I think it makes a difference if you're happy with your childcare arrangements. I love our toddler's daycare - the staff there genuinely love her and provide her with a great learning environment. That makes it so much easier.

zazu13 · August 2014

Hugs. I am sad about it, too. I think most moms feel this way and it gets better with time.

nicole mackenzie · August 2014

I'm nervous about leaving LO but I know I can't be a sahm.

I need to work. I love my job as a vet tech and I would miss it and the adult time I get.

I cut back to 30 hours a week though ( 3 tens ) so ill still get 4 days with LO. This is the best of both worlds for me.

MamaFantastic · August 2014

I'm sorry. It's really, really hard… I know. When kiddo was four months old and I returned to work full time, I spent the week before my first day back a total miserable mess. I cried myself to sleep on his nursery floor. That's not an exaggeration.

It will feel less wrong and horrible as time goes on. You'll all fall into a rhythm. For us, my return to work was short-lived, as we refinanced our house and ended up saving enough money to make the decision to keep me home slightly less financially reckless. We managed and skimped and I've now been a SAHM for 3 1/2 years! @WoaC is right... a creative and/or social outlet is essential. I was a bit lost and emotionally shaky until I started my business when kiddo was a year old.

You can do this, mama!

Laroo0220 · August 2014

I hear you. I felt physically nauseous as I pulled into the parking lot at school. Everyone could tell I had been crying the night bf and I looked awful but I made it through that first day. All my coworkers were so supportive and my dh has been too. It's not an option for me to stay home so I'm dealing with it. It does get easier (1 week done now) but I don't think it's ever totally easy to leave your LO. I'm dealing with crazy jealousy issues right now since all my best friends are sahm

cjpell0 · August 2014

LO had been in daycare for 2 months now and we're both better off for it. I can tell he loves going (100%smiles at drop off) and he barely acknowledges DH at pick up!
Can the providers text with updates? Sometimes when I miss DS a lot I'll ask her to and an update and picture

*sparky* · August 2014

The anticipation of leaving your LO is the worst part, IMO. It really does get better as you get used to the routine and more comfortable with the
Caregivers. When I was in ML with my first child I was such a mess thinking about leaving him but everything worked out fine. With this kiddo there was one time I got a little teary about leaving her but I know everything is going to be ok and I do like having my grown up time at work.

I did flex my schedule after baby #1 and now work PT so I would say anything you can do to make it a little easier on you will help tremendously. Also when DS was a baby, DH did the morning DC drop off. I got to be he one to pick him up every day. That helped too.

Dixon813 · August 2014

I was so worried about Liam in day care. I worried that he wouldn't sleep and would just cry all day (oh, and that they'd fee him too quickly and he would go through my milk super fast). BUT, after one week Liam is doing so well and I feel so good about his providers.

Hang in there, mama!!

sherks11 · August 2014

I totally understand! It's only been a week and a half in day care but it's already gotten better for me! I could not stop crying the first day but knowing how much fun she has and all the activities she does everyday makes it better. I also think it's making me a better mom bc I cherish and make the most of the time I have with her everyday since it's significantly less than before. A coworker gave me this advise and it helped me a lot-think long term... By keeping your job and that income you will be able to provide more for her now and down the line. I hope this helps! Hugs!

katieb7413 · August 2014

I personally don't think it gets easier. I have been back for 5 weeks now. However, I agree with @mamafantastic that it does begin to feel less horrible and less wrong.

I hate leaving him and count down the minutes until I get to see him. BUT...HE.IS.FINE. AND loves his Nanny and the little boy we share with. He smiles when they come, his ears perk up when he hears them and grabs the other boys face for kisses. That makes it feel less horrible and less wrong. He probably thinks I'm kind of boring by now anyway

At the end of the day, my son is thriving and has many people around him that love him. As for me...It's hard and I cry and that's okay. The most important thing in my life right now is my son and again he's great.

Oh and a piece of advice? Screw housework, laundry, parties, etc. Spend every minute you can with your LO. Especially at first, let it be known that your evenings and weekends are for snuggles and kisses and that is it! My laundry is clean but never put away and guess what...My precious baby doesn't judge me so I am okay with it. Good Luck to you!!!

sarag0116 · August 2014

It gets better! With my oldest it took me months to find a balance. This time it was much easier. You'll get in a routine and hopefully enjoy the balance that being a working mom brings soon!

alohamel · August 2014

Thank you for all the encouragement ladies!

sherks11 · August 2014

@Vinny424‌ yes... Maiden name and can't change change it on the bump unless I make a new account. As a high school teacher, definitely wasn't too upset about taking my husbands name!

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