Baby showers and the ridiculous rules?

serenbach · August 2014

This is my first pregnancy and I'll be having a baby shower in a few weeks. My best friend has said she will arrange it however she's been away traveling for a couple of months so I spoke with her to sort a date and just let my close friends know the date so the can book it off work etc, there's been no formal invites I've just text my friends to see their schedules and set a date. I've been reading things online and some of the ideas seem so over the top about the rules of how involved I'm allowed to be however I just simply want to get all my friends together and I knew my best friend is busy until the end of the month so I just contacted everyone myself.

Also the rules about where to host it is confusing me, I just assumed it would be at my house. What are the thoughts on this? I'm the only one out of my girlfriends with my own place as we've all just graduated university and I'd prefer it not to be at my parents as they're decorating their house...and to be honest I love my new house, it's big and has a nice garden!

What are people's thoughts/ experiences of baby showers? Should I stick to all the traditional rules or just do whatever makes me and my friends happy?

Glas43 · August 2014

We are having ours today. My mom and MIL suggested it be at our house so we didn't have to lug stuff. We are just doing close family and friends and its a couples shower. So basically just a cookout (what we did for our wedding shower too but that was at my parents as our house was in the middle of remodeling). We do it this way because i hate to be the center of attention at things like this!

AmandaJean12 · August 2014

My shower was at my house, because one of the hostesses was moving that week and the other didn't have air conditioning and thought it would be uncomfortable... No one thought anything of it. They brought all the food and cleaned my kitchen after... Which was sweet.

I think someone who isn't you should send out a more formal invite soon, even if it's a Facebook message or evite. Other than that, I wouldn't worry too much about the "rules".

LaDyBostonRN · August 2014

I would stick to the rules. The baby shower police may be after you if you don't.

But really, do what you wish. It's your shower and your baby. My shower is tomorrow and it is at my FIL's condo's clubhouse …. because I wanted it there. We had formal invites, but that's because my SIL who arranged the shower bought and sent them. Your shower can be whatever you want it to be. Enjoy!

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

There's definitely a line though. I wouldn't send invites yourself via email. At your house doesn't bother me but someone else should be doing the invite &this is where she is registered stuff.

Umnaya · August 2014

I totally agree with you. Actually I decided don't do baby shower since I wouldn't follow this kind of rules. Anyway, I didn't want to see my parents doing arregements and expense money for decorating. My house is totally able to have a closer and simple shower but my host wanted to invite many people and I don't feel good seeing relatives who I haven't talked with them in years. I guess other umconfortable thing: games. Good luck and hope you enjoy your BS as you can!

Umnaya · August 2014

I totally agree with you. Actually I decided don't do baby shower since I wouldn't follow this kind of rules. Anyway, I didn't want to see my parents doing arregements and expense money for decorating. My house is totally able to have a closer and simple shower but my host wanted to invite many people and I don't feel good seeing relatives who I haven't talked with them in years. I guess other umconfortable thing: games. Good luck and hope you enjoy it!!

serenbach · August 2014

Thanks for your input ladies, my group of close friends and I (about 10 of us) have a private message thread on facebook which we all use to organise bdays, catch ups, lunches etc so I posted on there to see what dates people were around in September as some live a couple hours away and we all agreed on a date together. I doubt the hostess will send formal invites as it seems silly, the main thing I care about is having everyone together in one place so I don't understand the lines it all seems odd to have rules about having friends and family gathered together who I speak to on a regular basis and have been close to for years. My friend wants to be in charge of the day so I don't feel like I'm overly involved by sorting a date (while she is on holiday so others can arrange work) and hosting it at my house.

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

megrobsonx said:
Thanks for your input ladies, my group of close friends and I (about 10 of us) have a private message thread on facebook which we all use to organise bdays, catch ups, lunches etc so I posted on there to see what dates people were around in September as some live a couple hours away and we all agreed on a date together. I doubt the hostess will send formal invites as it seems silly, the main thing I care about is having everyone together in one place so I don't understand the lines it all seems odd to have rules about having friends and family gathered together who I speak to on a regular basis and have been close to for years. My friend wants to be in charge of the day so I don't feel like I'm overly involved by sorting a date (while she is on holiday so others can arrange work) and hosting it at my house.

So why did you ask?

megaddie · August 2014

Maybe she just needed some input to sort her thoughts.

serenbach · August 2014

I wanted to see if these rules that people abide by were for real or had I just stumbled across some bad websites online.

I asked for opinions and experiences of others, which I got and am grateful for as many of them I agree with and found it helpful to read about other peoples showers. So I am grateful for the replies of everyone, I didn't post looking for any drama I just can't get my head around some aspects of it.

serenbach · August 2014

theresat858 said:
She already invited everyone by text message. Herself. I think the rules are out the window on this one.

Yes, the host has been traveling in Europe and is back this weekend to take over, I simply contacted my friends who would not be shallow enough to care that I asked them what weekend suits everyone best as one is moving to Australia in 3 weeks, 1 is going to India and one lives 2 hours away.

Please refrain from sacrcasm your not helping anybody.

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

megrobsonx said:

theresat858 said:
She already invited everyone by text message. Herself. I think the rules are out the window on this one.
Yes, the host has been traveling in Europe and is back this weekend to take over, I simply contacted my friends who would not be shallow enough to care that I asked them what weekend suits everyone best as one is moving to Australia in 3 weeks, 1 is going to India and one lives 2 hours away.

Please refrain from sacrcasm your not helping anybody.

She was being serious first of all. Second of all, if you are asking for people's opinions about etiquette, then you are going to get responses and opinions about your etiquette whether you like the opinion or not.

ETA: if you are asking for our experiences and opinions (which I think you were?!?!), I would be put off by a text invite to a shower for the person texting me.

toomanycats1 · August 2014

megrobsonx said:

She already invited everyone by text message. Herself. I think the rules are out the window on this one.
Yes, the host has been traveling in Europe and is back this weekend to take over, I simply contacted my friends who would not be shallow enough to care that I asked them what weekend suits everyone best as one is moving to Australia in 3 weeks, 1 is going to India and one lives 2 hours away. Please refrain from sacrcasm your not helping anybody.

Etiquette is manners, not just arbitrary "rules" like you are saying. People that side-eye how you are handling things aren't shallow. It already looks like you are planning your shower, if your friends are going to talk and judge it then they won't necessarily tell you.

If you want a big get-together at your place, have one. You don't need to invite people over to buy you stuff though.... That doesn't look very good (hence etiquette). Do whatever you want. You asked for opinions, and you got them.

serenbach · August 2014

Thank you all for the opinions, just to confirm there have been NO invites as of yet just a message to see when friends were around during September. The host will have it all under control, she asked would I want it at my house or at a restaurant and I said my house (hers or my parents house are not suitable atm)

Sorry for the issue this thread appears to have caused.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

megrobsonx said:

She already invited everyone by text message. Herself. I think the rules are out the window on this one.
Yes, the host has been traveling in Europe and is back this weekend to take over, I simply contacted my friends who would not be shallow enough to care that I asked them what weekend suits everyone best as one is moving to Australia in 3 weeks, 1 is going to India and one lives 2 hours away. Please refrain from sacrcasm your not helping anybody.

What do you mean "shallow enough"? Observing etiquette and hoping others will also is not equal to being shallow.

megaddie · August 2014

I see nothing wrong with checking to see when friends will be around to help coordinate a date for a shower, particularly if the person throwing it doesn't really know many of the guests at all. I made sure my shower wasn't the same date as some of my ftiend's high school reunion...and that my closest friend would be around I also had to chase down some delinquent rsvps from people bc it was stressing my SIL out so much and my MIL whose house it was at seemed afraid to do it. I just started with "I know this isn't traditional etiquette but..." The thing is, half my guests rsvp'd to me anyways, despite what it said on the invite. Actually, a large chunk of them didn't ever RSVP, which I thought was rude, but what are you going to do. There are some etiquette things that definitely should be observed but with the way people communicate nowadays, some things just went out the window (for me, at least).

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

starla487 said:

HelloSweetie1 said:
Etiquette is manners, not just arbitrary "rules" like you are saying. People that side-eye how you are handling things aren't shallow. It already looks like you are planning your shower, if your friends are going to talk and judge it then they won't necessarily tell you.

If you want a big get-together at your place, have one. You don't need to invite people over to buy you stuff though.... That doesn't look very good (hence etiquette). Do whatever you want. You asked for opinions, and you got them.

I feel like this thread is going to end up like this:

U dunno my lyfe!!!!!!!!!

IrishHoney123 · August 2014

Was there ever truly a question, OP? After reading your responses to PP, it seems as though you do not want genuine input and are sure your way is the best way. I wholeheartedly agree with those who said that shower etiquette is in place for a reason. If you choose not to follow it you subject yourself to side eyeing whether it's deserved or not.