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Attachment Parenting
PumpkinAndThePeanut
member
Resolving conflict: 16 mo. old twins
PumpkinAndThePeanut
member
My (nearly) 16 month old twin daughters generally play well with each other. They stay in our home with my mom while my H and I work, so they are constantly together unless one is awake while the other is napping, and with the exception of our weekly gym class (and we'll be starting a weekly music class soon too), they don't interact much with other children.
Usually when they fight over a toy I try not to intervene right away. If the one who had it taken away cries, and redirecting doesn't work (it's working less and less now) I'll take the toy from the "thief" and give it back to the "victim," saying, "no, [name] was playing with that, you can have it when she's done." One twin tends to be the thief while the other is mostly the perpetual victim, LOL. For the most popular toys (e.g. their new doll strollers), I buy two. But I want them to learn to share too and I can't buy two of everything anyway.
Lately the "victim" twin has started immediately screaming and flopping to the floor, looking at me, when she gets "robbed." I really don't know if I am handling things correctly. I want her to be able to handle some conflict on her own. When one girl has two of a certain toy/book/stuffed animal, I ask, "Can [name] have one?" And then when she hands it over I go nuts with the Thank you!! How nice of you!!" praise. (I know praise is hotly contested but personally I think at this age it's necessary).
I've seen a few blog posts recently about why some parents aren't teaching their kids to share, and I think most of them miss the point. I don't want my girls to learn early that life is disappointing, or that being forced to share is inherently unfair. I want them to want to share because it's the right thing to do as a nice person. But at 16 months we are a long way from having those discussions.
Any advice? Sorry for the novel.
Usually when they fight over a toy I try not to intervene right away. If the one who had it taken away cries, and redirecting doesn't work (it's working less and less now) I'll take the toy from the "thief" and give it back to the "victim," saying, "no, [name] was playing with that, you can have it when she's done." One twin tends to be the thief while the other is mostly the perpetual victim, LOL. For the most popular toys (e.g. their new doll strollers), I buy two. But I want them to learn to share too and I can't buy two of everything anyway.
Lately the "victim" twin has started immediately screaming and flopping to the floor, looking at me, when she gets "robbed." I really don't know if I am handling things correctly. I want her to be able to handle some conflict on her own. When one girl has two of a certain toy/book/stuffed animal, I ask, "Can [name] have one?" And then when she hands it over I go nuts with the Thank you!! How nice of you!!" praise. (I know praise is hotly contested but personally I think at this age it's necessary).
I've seen a few blog posts recently about why some parents aren't teaching their kids to share, and I think most of them miss the point. I don't want my girls to learn early that life is disappointing, or that being forced to share is inherently unfair. I want them to want to share because it's the right thing to do as a nice person. But at 16 months we are a long way from having those discussions.
Any advice? Sorry for the novel.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Resolving conflict: 16 mo. old twins