Trouble Admitting When Wrong, Advice

sschwege · August 2014

DD has always been an extremely sensitive kid when it comes to being corrected. It started when she was really young, like around 18 months or younger. If an adult other than us tried to correct her for something she would immediately burst into tears and continue to cry inconsolably for a long time. Here's just one example, DD was 15 months old and we were at my Aunt's house. My Aunt thought she was going to put a packing peanut in her mouth and said, "Don't eat that!" didn't yell, just said it abruptly. DD cried and cried, we had to take her out of the room for I don't even know how long. So things like that. She is better now that she's older, still sensitive, but not to extremes. Lately she has had so much trouble admitting when she was incorrect about something. Like for example, today she was calling for DH and I said, "Papa already left for work." She said, "I know, I was just pretending he was home." or if she is walking toward a toy DS is playing with and I tell her he's still playing with it, "I know, I was just walking over to get this other toy." It's always "I know, I was just..." I can tell she also has trouble hearing 'no' to things, so she will ask in round-about ways like, "I can't take dolly for a walk outside right?" or "I can't have milk now right?" Even if the answer might be yes, she always phrases it in the negative.

Is there something I should be doing about this. I point out to her that everyone makes mistakes, mama, papa, etc. She's such a sensitive kid we rarely have to correct her, so it's not like she's living under a blanket of negativity or something. What should I be doing or not doing?

sschwege · August 2014

cjcouple said:

I don't think so. I think just modeling the behavior and encouraging positive views will go a long way. if she gets upset when corrected, don't coddle her. just brush it off a bit.

So you don't think it's something I need to worry about? I was talking to my SIL about it, she is a pedi and she made it seem like it was unusual behavior. Her comment was something like, "Huh, that's interesting. I'll let you know if I think of anything that might help." It made me think feel like DD was the first kid in the world to exhibit this.

As a disclaimer my SIL tends to always make me think whatever I'm talking about is something to worry about so, maybe I should just stop asking! Our pedi just seems to just shrug her shoulders at this stuff.

sschwege · August 2014

cjcouple said:
I really don't think, it sounds like a phase tbh. I forget, how old is she? is it something you can ask about at school?

have you asked her why she assumes it's a no? like if she says:

I can't have chocolate milk right?
try "what makes you think no?" and see what she says. or maybe you tried that. I like to try and dig into their minds and see why think something.

She is just about to turn 4. She's not in school yet, I think I will bring it up with the pedi next month.

I will try and ask her why she thinks it might be no.

littlemermaid · August 2014

You can also make her repeat the question properly..DD when we want something we say, "may I have chocolate milk" so have her repeat the question to you properly before you answer the question.

As for the not like being told what to do or not do by others, my niece and nephew are exactly the same way. It's part personality and part phase. I wouldn't make a huge deal about it, you can also reiterate what the person is saying, like "Auntie is right, don't eat that packing peanut". If she continues to go on with a crying fit then put her on a chair or couch and tell her she can rejoin you when she's calmed down. If you coddle her too much she'll come to realize that she gets huge amounts of attention when she behaves that way and so you would just be reinforcing her tantrums.

spring_time · August 2014

DS is 4 and does the exact same thing. Everything from "I was just..." to the "I can't...can I?" He hides from others and refuses to make eye contact when he is corrected by someone else. It didn't occur to me to think it is a problem, I just assumed it was a phase. Hopefully it is normal behavior...

raraavis28 · August 2014

Like @sing4mysavior‌ , I was like that as a kid too...I would hide in a closet if I was in trouble for anything....just a hyper sensitive kid. I agree w/ PPs to not avoid correcting her if she needs it, and to not make a huge deal of her sensitivity to it, but maybe have a little chat w/ her about how she feels when being told "no" and that it's ok to not be right all the time etc? I dunno, but I don't think her behavior is anything to be overly concerned about.

notreallyirish · August 2014

I was like this and DS1 is as well, especially starting right around when he turned 4. He is so easily embarrassed about making mistakes that he tries to deflect everything. He would fall and shout. "I'm alright!" before he even hit the floor. He frequently says "that was just a joke" or "I was just kidding" if he makes a mistake or I tell him no. He called me by his teacher's name and hid under the table in embarrassment . I just emphasize everybody makes mistakes and don't make a big deal about it. Nobody likes to be embarrassed or corrected. Some people are more sensitive than others and the age has a lot to do with it--developing self-awareness and social skills.

LakeyD · August 2014

If you find something that works, please let me know. My daughter is the same way, it's always "I know, I was just..." and asking things like, "I can't stay up late, can I?" and she is about to turn 11! DH and I have tried everything, at this point I feel like we just need to accept her for who she is and move on.

fancynewbeesly · August 2014

DD is 3 and is like this in terms of being corrected--if we even correct her abruptly or raise our voice, she is hysterical. She also repeats and reminds of us of the rules 50 times while she is doing it. "I have to hold hands in parking lot, we hold hands, we don't run, there are cars, I can run at home, etc)

In some ways it does have plusses though because she doesn't get into trouble much--and we don't need to correct her.

sschwege · August 2014

fancynewbeesly said:

DD is 3 and is like this in terms of being corrected--if we even correct her abruptly or raise our voice, she is hysterical. She also repeats and reminds of us of the rules 50 times while she is doing it. "I have to hold hands in parking lot, we hold hands, we don't run, there are cars, I can run at home, etc)

In some ways it does have plusses though because she doesn't get into trouble much--and we don't need to correct her.

That is for sure about not getting into trouble much, DD has always policed herself pretty well, definitely an advantage.

Sometimes I worry she might miss out on things though. We were at my cousin's son's first birthday party and all the kids started helping him eat his smash cake, she just sat right there with them and watched. It wasn't until my Aunt noticed and said, "honey, would like some of that cake?" DD said yes and my Aunt told her to go for it and then DD dove right in.

I never expected this amount of worry would come with being a parent, you are so far from being objective that I feel like you don't even know when to be concerned. I was a nanny and then a kindergarten teacher for Pete's sake and I'm still clueless! Sorry, vent over

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