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2nd Trimester
missmarissa0527
member
My mom is driving me CRAZY!
missmarissa0527
member
I don't know what to do. My shoulder stay tense. I am trying to tell myself that perhaps my frustration is exaggerated because of the hormones, but gosh I just don't know! She has begun texting me every morning and every night and all the times in between. She says things like "I love you and our lil angel". Which drives me crazy because last time I checked she isn't the mother or the father of that baby. I will be having a completely in-depth conversation about something, and she will interrupt me and just say "I just love your bump so much. You are just so cute. What a blessing you have in there". (Keep in mind she lives in Georgia and I live in West Virginia so she has only seen a picture of my bump anyway! So she must have just been daydreaming about it without listening to me because it wasn't like she looked down and saw it because we weren't talking in person).This morning she texted me and said "Rub your belly and tell the baby that MiMi loves it. Please." It has become totally about her. She craves attention soooo bad. She has said she wanted to get a bouncer for her house. So unless she thinks I am bringing the baby to Georgia, I fear she is planning on moving back here. Which I do not want at all. She left her husband three years ago and moved down there with family. She used to be my best friend, but our relationship is nothing like what it used to be. She has damaged me and she is in complete denial of that. But she claims mental issues and medical issues and you can't say anything negative to her or she freaks out (she even caused herself to have a stroke one time we got in a fight). So she is extremely dramatic and I just don't know what to do or how to say this to her without her dying and then I would feel awful. Help!!!!
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Re: My mom is driving me CRAZY!
Not knowing your history with your mother, she just sounds really excited for you and excited about becoming a grandmother. She also sounds like she might be trying to repair your damaged relationship by texting you out of the blue to say she loves you.
As far as the bouncer for her home - are you never going to go visit her? It sounds pretty normal for a grandparent to have a bouncer or a PNP at their house so you don't have to lug all of your stuff with you when you visit. My parents and my in-laws both bought cribs and stuff like that for DD to use at their houses and we all live within 15 minutes of each other.
If she's 10 hours away, all the more reason for her to have things at her house. It doesn't effect you if she has stuff for her grandchild that's going to sit unused for long periods of time, why do you care?
Again, I don't know what happened to hurt your relationship but she obviously wants to mend fences with you. If you're too hurt for that right now, tell her she needs to give you some space; set boundaries.
The late-night texting sounds annoying but a simple, "Mom, I was asleep, that's all." should suffice. If she wants to stay up all night, that's not your fault. Set a time every night after which you're not going to return messages. If she texts you shortly before that just tell her you're going to bed (whether or not you are).
I don't mean to minimize your hurt but from out here in internetland, it sounds like you're making something out of nothing.
Thanks for the opinion Sadie.
And theornerymama,
That sounds just the same as me! It is as if she thinks I still need her to raise me. She doesn't realize I am GROWN! I am married, with a home and baby on the way and I don't need her to check up on me. It is worse because she basically lives alone and has no one where she lives so I feel like I have to babysit her because she doesn't have anyone (which was brought upon herself because she left. She left us in the middle of the night when I was ten. She finally came back and my parents got a divorce. Then she left my step-dad in the middle of the night one week after I moved out and has been gone ever since). So that is the reason our relationship is hurt. As far as her trying to mend that, it's hard to forgive someone who doesn't feel like anything is wrong. She doesn't see that she has hurt me my whole life. I could forgive her the first time because I was a child, but this time it's different and I don't have the relationship we once did so now everything she does is just driving me insane. She is trying to get our relationship back by smothering me!
OK, now I completely get why you're upset; and you have every right to be. My god.
I suggest, if you haven't already, talking to a therapist who can help you find a way to cope with this new transition in your life in regards to contact between your mother and your child. You don't want her walking out and disappearing on your son/daughter like she did to you. If you decide she needs to further prove herself worthy of being your child's "Mimi", talk to her directly and frankly. If you hurt her feelings, explain that when she abandoned you, you were equally hurt (if not more).
Hi... I'm totally butting in here b/c I happened to see "my mom..." on the side panel of the community board and out of curiousity clicked on it so my apologies for intruding here but still wanted to comment simply because I've had some mom issues in the past and figured it wouldn't hurt to post.... again, sorry for just dropping in like this....
But, just going off what you've stated and I could be way off... your mom sounds like a narcissist. I recomend reading "Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Ups Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents" by Nina Brown. Its a quick read and you may find that she doesn't meet any of the criteria, but it's a book that helped me tremendously. I also agree with Sadie about talking with a therapist... it can be extremely healing and provide some new techniques on dealing with your mom. Best of luck
I also agree that you should try talking out your issues with someone - a therapist, your mom, whoever. I am an advocate for trying to mend relationships and I would encourage you to ask yourself if you would be okay with your relationship if she were gone tomorrow.
I didn't have the best one with my mom, but she died unexpectedly a few years ago when my first was about 18 months old. I won't lie, it bothers me that my daughter will never know her. She was good person but she had some issues that she had a difficult time dealing with. I have regrets, I wish things could've been different...I remember my last words to her was that she needed to get professional help.
I do not know the full story about my husband but I know that his mom left when they were young and the boys didn't call her mom for the longest time. His current step-mom had a hand in getting them talking and him, his brother, and his mom have a great relationship (but it is nothing like the one he has with his dad). My MIL lives about a 3 minute car ride from us, 2 subdivisions over. She has watched my daughter on a part-time basis since she was 10w and my daughter just loves her.