First IVF- feeling discouraged :( Update **BFP mentioned*

BalletAn · July 2014

I'm going through my first IVF cycle and I'm feeling rather discouraged. I have stage IV endo, and everyone said that IVF would be our golden ticket, and I feel sort of cheated now that things are going well, not so well.

Before starting this cycle I was on femara (to suppress the endo) for three months continuously. I am 30, have a great AMH (4.6 at last measure) and a decent AFC (ranging from 15-17, I have an endometrioma on my left ovary which means I have less eggs on that side).

Anyways I monitored yesterday after 8 days of stimming. I started on 150 menopur and 150 bravelle, but I'm now at 300 menopur and 300 bravely, because I am responding so poorly. My E2 is still low (400 something), and my follicles (yesterday, Monday) measured

L:18, 18, 6, 8, 6

R: 16, 11, 11, 11, 11, 7, 7

They think that maybe I will have ER on Thursday Feeling so conflicted, thinking we should maybe cancel this cycle? Eugh...I'm so scared we will only get 2 or 3 eggs, what do you lady's think. I just think that given my numbers I could do better, but maybe not?

This is so hard, I feel constantly on edge. I keep on catastrophizing "We will never have kids". Any and all imput is appreciated!

przemosbabe · July 2014

Those numbers do not look that bad to me, I mean you those follicles could grow a lot more. How many more days of stimming do they plan to do? Ask them if they can let you go a few more days. My last Ivf cycle I had follices that were bigger than 18mm at trigger and half of them were immature! So I wouldn't worry about post mature eggs if you stim for a few more days. I too have endo and my last cycle I used bravelle and menopur too. I only got 12 eggs and like I said, half were immature. This cycle I switched doctors and I have a new protocol. My new protocol does not include bravelle, my new RE does not like it ( although a lot of women have sucess with it or else doctors wouldn't use it at all). I am using follistim and just a little bit of menopur and at my first monitoring appointment I have 22 follicles. Also my last cycle, 4 more follices jumped out at the end. First I had 8, then 10 and finally 12. I would not worry so much. Once when I did an IUI my follices were small and I laid on my back with my legs in the air against the wall for an hour or so while reading, and I also drank milk for the estrogen and 2 days later my follices were perfect for trigger. I know its easier said than done, but try not to worry.

AMShark · July 2014

I've grown to dread hearing the measurements for my follies. For every number called out, you find yourself trying to guess what this is going to mean when it comes time for retrieval.

Chin up - I don't think your numbers sound so terrible at all. Only on day 8, and you already have 3 follies that are 16 or more... plus those 4 measuring 11. Maybe you'll get all 7 mature! Did you ask your RE what he/she thinks about your numbers? It's really easy to get discouraged at this point, but there's so much that you just don't know.

And, I know it sounds cliched, but it only takes one.

BalletAn · July 2014

Thank you for your encouragement! No ER date has been set, our clinic is outside of our area (we picked them because of their high success rates) and I am monitoring locally. The RE locally said he thought Thursday would be the day, but my RE says he doesn't know yet, he'll have to wait to see me tomorrow. I'm going to be drinking that milk! Weird to have endo and hope for high estrogen though

BalletAn · July 2014

Also nice to know that more follicles can get there at the very end, maybe some of those 11's and the 8 will grow...grow follicles grow!!

blueeyes233 · July 2014

I'd be concerned about stimming for much longer. The RE might be sacrificing the 3 mature follicles that you have now. When you trigger your follicles will get a boost so it is possible that some of the 11's will catch up but it would be close.

My first IVF my RE thought I was going to do great and started me out on the same dose as you (same meds). I just didn't respond as well as expected and we stimmed for a total of 12 days and my meds increased several times trying to get the smaller follicles to catch up and two of them over matured as a result. I ended up with 6 mature eggs out of 16 retrieved (they will try to get them all, even the little ones). I did get pregnant though so there is always hope.

My next fresh cycle my RE dropped the Menopur and switched me to microdose hCG and Bravelle. It was so much better. I still had issues with immature follicles but I had a greater number of total follicles. Also my Bravelle dose stayed constant at 300 instead of being upped every couple of days. That cycle I ended up with 17 mature eggs out of 27 retrieved.

Its a risk, either way you go. To cancel means starting all over again and a ER means potentially only a handful of mature eggs. Talk to your RE and go with the option you are most comfortable with.

BalletAn · July 2014

Thanks AMshark! I needed that hug! I know it only takes one, but then you hear X fertilized X made it to day 5 (my clinic only does day 5 transfers), and the numbers start to dwindle...eugh. I was really good in the beginning with just not wanting to know, and then they upped my meds (3 times!!) and I started getting nervous and wanting to know every little bitty thing. My RE doesn't seem super worried, but then again it is not his future maybe babies laying in the scales, so I wouldn't be worried either.

AMShark · July 2014

Yes, grow, follies, grow!

przemosbabe · July 2014

Even with low numbers you can still do well. I just looked at my follicular ultrasound results of my last Ivf cycle and I see that 6 out of my 12 follicles were over 20 the day trigger (between 20-25) and I'm sure they grew more between trigger and retrieval. None of my eggs were post mature, like I said 6 of them were immature! You just really never know what's going to happen, so just hope and pray for the best. A little milk won't hurt you

Ill be checking back to see how you do

BalletAn · July 2014

blueeyes....good to hear things can turn around the next cycle...because I was affraid that one cycle crappy = all cycles crappy. I guess this timing is as much an art as a science, and I do trust my RE. He seems really smart, which unfortunately cannot be said for all of the RE's I have met. I just have to think he has done this since the '80's, so he must know something right?

As a sidenote: what is up with this icon? pregnant lady holding her belly? I don't remember choosing that. Does not seem to be particularly appropriate for me right now. Let's just hope it is providence

pblge · July 2014

It doesn't matter how many you get so long as there is one strong embie in the mix! You can also be pleasantly surprised at retrieval. We definitely were last time. Fingers crossed for you!!

BalletAn · July 2014

Thanks pblge! I know it just takes one, I guess I just feel discouraged, because we went from "with your AMH you have nothing to worry about" and "your chances are excellent" to being on the maximum dosage of stims with less follicles growing and low estrogen. It is weird how you think the things that won't be a problem become a problem in IF.

See you are in your 2 WW...as of today...so exciting...prayers for you!

CMH25 · July 2014

One of the hardest parts of IVF for me is the lack of control and you can't DO much for your cause. Acupuncture helped me to feel like I was doing something, it relaxed me, and who knows? Maybe it helps. Certainly doesn't hurt anything.

Jetta83306 · July 2014

I felt really discouraged this cycle as well. At retrieval we ended up with only 3 eggs. Thankfully 2 fertilized and both were transferred yesterday. I feel much better now. People keep telling me it only takes one. Hope things progress for you. Good luck!

tifga · July 2014

This is how I've been feeling all week. I went in for CD 7 testing and I had next to nothing going on, it has only been the last few days I've finally been getting hood results. The ultrasound tech and my Drs seem happy so I am trying to have faith but I don't feel it. I think like you "retrieved X and X fertilized" and i just think I'll be lucky to have two in the end. But I am a worrier by nature.
Good luck to you (((hugs)))

BalletAn · July 2014

Tifga! I know this is probably one of the hardest things I've ever gone through (which I guess means I'm a relatively lucky person). I'm crossing my fingers for you, day 7 still seems early!

I went to see my RE today (who is about 3 hours from me), and today he counted 5 "ready" big follicles and some smaller ones. Progress! I'm stimming again tonight and then triggering tomorrow or Friday.....He also seemed really positive, I asked about canceling and he said "absolutely not, there is more than enough here for a baby" and "your chances are still really good, this is not just a numbers game". My clinic has a 60% life birth in my age group, so here is hoping that he knows!

It is so nice to hear from other women who go through this. I always feel very alone, since everyone my age seems to be pregnant after 1 or 2 months of the pill. I get so jealous, which then makes me feel like an awful person

HCAMP123 · July 2014

You are def not an awful person, I think its pretty normal for ladies going through what we are enduring, it takes a special kind of strength. Just getting to this point (IVF) means that we are all strong and so so brave, its difficult not to feel negative, im def feeling that way today, but at least we have hope ... and our RE's! Have faith xxx

nowthatsalady · July 2014

Don't get too discouraged BalletAn. I have endo too and have a really low AMH (0.5). I'm on my first IVF cycle too and they only got four eggs, but two of them became "perfect" 8 cell embryos we put back on day three. They kept telling me that quality is more important than quantity. They also only saw three follicles, but got four eggs. I guess one was hiding.

Canuck13 · July 2014

*nowthatsalady* Thank you for posting your experience, it makes me feel a lot better. I am also feeling really discouraged today since after 8 days of stims I only have 4 measurable follies, and one of them is already at 20mm so I will probably lose that one. Of course the nurse told me not to worry and that it is quality over quantity, but it is so hard not to be worried about so few follicles. Uggh, IF is so hard!

BalletAn · August 2014

Wanted to update: 9 eggs were retrieved, 7 were mature, and 5 fertilized. The RE wants to do a day 5 transfer, so crossing fingers and toes that these 5 will go on to be strong blasts!

We are doing (if all goes well!) a single embryo transfer to avoid high risk pregnancy, and we will freeze whatever is left. I would be so happy if just two of these go on to survive (although all 5 would of course be better). Does anyone have experience with day 5 transfers, how many embryos usually get to that point?

BalletAn · August 2014

**Update/BFP mentioned**

I just wanted to update this because in my endless google-ing there is nothing more I hate than finding a post that seems to apply to my situation without knowing the outcome

BUT I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling or gloat, so if you all feel this is inappropriate please do let me know and I will happily remove this post.

Despite not having many eggs fertilized (5), all made it to blast and 4 were frozen. When I first opened this discussion I was terrified, but now I realize my RE was right and sometimes "it is not just a numbers game". My RE checks my progesterone and initially, at 4dp5dt, it was low (10.7), again cue meltdown, I was sure it was all over, but more progesterone was added and at 7dp5dt my progesterone had risen to 235. I'm mentioning this since I did not find a lot of low progesterone during 2ww success stories online.

I had my first Beta yesterday at 14dp5dt and it came in at 2936, p4 was over 300, it seemed high to me, but my RE was very happy with these numbers. I know it is early and who knows what will happen during the next few months. For now, I'm committed to not worrying too much, and just enjoying where I am, since I've never been here before

I hope this can provide some encouragement that you don't need 20+ or even 10+ eggs to have good results, because that was definitely what I believed when I started this process.

Thank you all for your support in this discussion, it was so so helpful when I was feeling very low.

tifga · August 2014

Congrats @BalletAn‌!

sweetpotato123 · August 2014

Congrats!!

pblge · August 2014

Congratulations, and those are ludicrous progesterone levels! When I had my low result this past week, lots of women told me about progesterone levels in the teens that turned out okay. NO ONE mentioned anything like that!! I've been a little worried about my last level in the 80s, but no more!

BalletAn · August 2014

pblge said:

Congratulations, and those are ludicrous progesterone levels! When I had my low result this past week, lots of women told me about progesterone levels in the teens that turned out okay. NO ONE mentioned anything like that!! I've been a little worried about my last level in the 80s, but no more!

Thank you! Yes I'm the living proof that Progesterone can go up a lot in not much time at all! Your Beta's look good too, so I'm sure progesterone will follow suit. Are they giving you extra supplements?

tweetyknicks · August 2014

That is great, OP!

pblge · August 2014

BalletAn said:

pblge said:

Congratulations, and those are ludicrous progesterone levels! When I had my low result this past week, lots of women told me about progesterone levels in the teens that turned out okay. NO ONE mentioned anything like that!! I've been a little worried about my last level in the 80s, but no more!

Thank you! Yes I'm the living proof that Progesterone can go up a lot in not much time at all! Your Beta's look good too, so I'm sure progesterone will follow suit. Are they giving you extra supplements?

Mine went from 65 to 16 to 82.5 in less than a week, which makes me a bit suspicious, but I am doing 1.5 ml of the PIO daily now.

mrscsw · August 2014

Congrats!

CML11 · August 2014

@BalletAn‌ congrats! I also have low #s.... nice to see a BFP. Wishing you a H&h 9 mo!

fjamil1 · August 2014

Congrats @BalletAn. This is great news.

Mrs.Ess · August 2014

Congrats! Great to hear the results

erbear84 · August 2014

Congrats!

AuroraP725 · August 2014

Congrats @BalletAn‌! Happy to see you got your BFP!

przemosbabe · August 2014

I'm on vacation but came back to check on a few girls I was thinking of, including you! Wow that's so amazing and I couldn't be happier for you! Happy and healthy 9 months to you

BalletAn · August 2014

@przemosbabe that is so sweet, thanks for checking in and the well wishes!!!! Enjoy your vacation

First IVF- feeling discouraged :( Update **BFP mentioned*

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