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Family Daycare Questions

ElTrain5ElTrain5 member
in June 2014 Moms
So as I approach my return to work date, DH and I are contemplating the idea of having MIL watch DS.  Now if any of you remember by MIL related check-in, y'all understand how difficult this decision is for me.  We are going to sit down together (just DH and I) and seriously talk about it this weekend, so I was wondering, for those of you who have family members watching LO full time, how are you making it work?  Here are a few questions I've thought of…

-Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days?

-What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? (or do they come to your home)

-What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.)  Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received?

-For those of you who are paying your caregiver, did you hash out any specifics, i.e. Do they get "vacation", what if you are home with LO, do they still get paid? 

-What about "milestones", i.e. first step, first word…..did you ask them not to tell you? 

-Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? Texting, pictures, video, etc.?

-Any other questions I'm forgetting? Anything else I should cover to head off some common issues?

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Re: Family Daycare Questions

  • mattanda2011mattanda2011 member
    ElTrain5 said:


    I will start with saying my experience extends to my toddler because that is who MIL has watched this far. I haven't gone back to work with this LO yet.

    -Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days? We do not pay my MIL, she would never let us. She is retired and says that is what she is retired to do, watch grandbabies


    -What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? (or do they come to your home)my MIL comes to our house most days. I LOVE that she comes to our house, it makes it so much easier for us! That being said she does take them out to her house sometimes, but really we live closer to parks etc, so with our toddler it's easier this way. She does have a crib at her house, car seat in her car, toys at her house, we have split most of the costs just depending on who finds it. We have gotten most of the stuff for her house at consignment stores or Craigslist since it's not what we are using full time.

    -What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.)  Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received? We have done a couple things and honestly it's not perfect, but I think it's pretty darn good. One of the things that helped for us was that we had the conversation that she would have to be the caregiver during the week and grandma (spoiling them with sweets, keeping them up late, etc on the weekends) one thing that means is I have to make an effort to let her take the kids and just have fun on the weekend. I started out writing it down, now I just try to give a verbal "we are trying this..." To let her know. I have given her books we have read and I think she skims them, but probably doesn't read them completely. I also know I have loosened up a lot about how things go,and I make sure I only point out things that are really important.

    -For those of you who are paying your caregiver, did you hash out any specifics, i.e. Do they get "vacation", what if you are home with LO, do they still get paid? We don't pay, but I do try to do things like leave money for them to go out to lunch some days or something like that. If I have I stop at the store on the way home I ask if she needs anything, stuff like that. 

    -What about "milestones", i.e. first step, first word…..did you ask them not to tell you? I never specifically asked not to be told, I feel like I saw a lot of the milestones and I'm not sure if it's cause she didn't tell or what. But I will say one thing about milestones is that they are so "fluid" that it's not like one day they stand up and walk. With crawling there are many firsts about it, if that makes sense, that I think you will get to be around for a lot of the stuff that it won't be quite so cut and dry. I wouldnt make a big deal about this.  

    -Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? Texting, pictures, video, etc.? I have always asked her to send pics and videos over text, and she does a great job of doing it. If they have been real busy one day and hasn't sent anything I'll ask how things are going or ask for a pic. I just let her know it's not cause I don't trust her but just cause I miss the kids.

    -Any other questions I'm forgetting? Anything else I should cover to head off some common issues?

    Married to DH 10.29.11

    DD born 1.26.13
    DS born 6.12.14
    #3 due 12.6.16

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  • kjef11kjef11 member
    My mother watched my DD when I went back to work. Although she said we didn't have to pay her we did. We didn't pay her as much as if our DD was in a center but paid her enough. Most of the time she took the money and bought things for our DD.
    We didn't pay if she was on vacation or if I stayed home.
    We took DD to my Mom's house. We paid for some baby items and she paid for some. She wanted to have things at her house even if she wasn't watching DD so she went and bought some stuff. For the stuff at her house most of it was bought from consignment shops and garage sales.
    My mom tried to follow our schedule as best she could. My DD didn't like to nap at her house. Actually my DD still doesn't like to nap there. My DD doesn't like to sleep anywhere but her own crib. Other then that, yes, she followed our schedule and rules.
    I asked my mom to tell me if DD made any milestones. I might be crazy but I wanted to record the date that DD did said milestone not necessarily the date I saw it. Like PP said milestones happen gradually so I never felt like I missed it.
    My mother an I did keep in touch throughout the day an she did send pics via texts.
    I only had my mom watch DD for 6 months and then I decided to be a SAHM but I think things went well and would have continued in the same manner.

    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt199852.aspx[/img][/url]

     

     

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  • ElTrain5ElTrain5 member
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  • shellbell813shellbell813 member
    My mom watches Noah during the day while i work full time.

    Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days? I don't pay her. She isn't forced to do it. Once before she mentioned payment jokingly and I pointed out that technically she doesn't have to. She wants to so it's a privilege not a job.

    What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? I would honestly prefer her to come to my home but she likes to be at her pwn house which is fine. She bought a bunch of stuff secondhand and cheap. That was her choice. If not i would have only gotten her the necessities. But they have more money than we do and like to spoil him. I bring formula and offer to buy diapers but she buys those anyways.

    What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.) Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received? This is a big one because my mom is pushy. I told her my rules and i expect her to follow them... again i go with the mentality of she doesn't have to watch him. She gets to so she will follow my rules. I gave her a notebook to keep up with feedings and poops and medicine. She's been good about trying to adhere to my wishes.

    What about "milestones", i.e. first step, first word…..she is not supposed to tell me. That was her idea actually and i appreciate it.

    Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? She sends me pictures and videos throughout the day and i text her for updates. She also has been bringing him to meet me for lunch once a week so far.



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  • babygabe614babygabe614 member
    My mom will be watching LO when I return to work in a couple weeks, so the answers below are based on what we've already discussed with her or what we've experienced in the few times my mom has watched her for an extended period (4+ hours).

    -Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days? No, we are not paying her. She is going to watch Stella for the first year or two, and during that time we'll be socking away money for when we send her to daycare as a toddler.

    -What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? (or do they come to your home) So far she has bought several things on her own at yard sales or on Craigslist so we aren't schlepping strollers and PnP's back and forth, but that's mostly for when we go over to visit because she'll be watching DD in our home in the beginning.

    -What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.) Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received? Honestly my mom probably has better experience and intuition about nap schedules than I do, so we haven't really discussed any specifics. We have only dealt with thrush medication, which she gets 4x a day and my mom has been really good about administering it on time.

    -For those of you who are paying your caregiver, did you hash out any specifics, i.e. Do they get "vacation", what if you are home with LO, do they still get paid? N/A

    -What about "milestones", i.e. first step, first word…..did you ask them not to tell you? My mom actually brought this up and said she won't tell us if any milestones happen while LO is with her. I am happy with this arrangement.

    -Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? Texting, pictures, video, etc.? We text every day anyway and she's been great about sending pictures too. I won't expect her to send pics every day, but a quick text just to let me know how things are going would be nice.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • PahialiiPahialii member
    My situation is a little specific so not sure if it will help you but here it goes. My husband and I are both from Hawaii (but have lived in CT for the last 10+ years). Our entire families are back in Hawaii and we always wanted to move back there to raise our family (we just need to find jobs first and sell our condo here.... easy stuff. :) ) Anyway, we were struggling to financially figure out how to cover day care and it seemed to actually be cheaper if my husband stayed home than paying for day care and/or a nanny. My MIL was livid when she heard that my husband might quit his job for a year or two to be a SAHD (she's old school) and offered to move in with us (gulp) through the end of 2015 to be our live in baby-sitter. She and my FIL will be living with us for almost the entire next year starting from the end of September.... I'm touched by their generosity but we have a 2 bedroom condo for now 3 adults, 1 child and 3 cats so we are in for a TINY living arrangement! Our plan is to move back to Hawaii sometime in 2015 and revisit the day care situation.

    -Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days? No. We are paying for each flight which doesn't count as paying my MIL/FIL because they are not pocketing the cash but I thought I'd mention it because it is cash out the door on our end. About $800 every other month. They asked for a gym membership near our place, so I guess that counts - but that will be $60/month for 2 people - (and maybe can go inactive for months that my FIL is not here).

    -What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? (or do they come to your home) They'll be at my house.

    -What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.)  Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received? I haven't done this yet but I plan to (once MIL comes) give her a schedule of naps and feedings. I exclusively pump and am obsessed with tracking my milk from the minute it's pumped until it's consumed using the Milk Maid App. So I was going to give her a little paper to fill out - e.g. Which bottle was used (example: pumped 8.19.14 10:30 AM bottle) and how many oz were consumed. It's really so that I can be on top of what I need to pump and store and also to stay aware of her average intake. I figured I could take her feeding report and plug it back into my app at the end of each day. My MIL is pretty Type A (like me) so I THINK it will go over well.

    -For those of you who are paying your caregiver, did you hash out any specifics, i.e. Do they get "vacation", what if you are home with LO, do they still get paid? We haven't hashed out specifics, but since she/he will be living with us I'm planning on asking them to be "on the job" M-F from 8 AM - 5:30 PM/8 PM (depending on DH and my work schedules). I'm hoping to maybe get some date nights in on the weekend but we haven't brought that up yet. They gave specific dates where neither of them can be in CT - about 18 weeks from October 2014 - December 2015. Those weeks will be supplemented by either DH or myself taking vacation days or my mom coming to help out.

    -What about "milestones", i.e. first step, first word…..did you ask them not to tell you? Wow - good question that I never thought about, but I guess I want to know even if it'll make me sad that I wasn't there. 

    -Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? Texting, pictures, video, etc.? We haven't discussed it - though I'm sure MIL will be in touch throughout the day... but she's not so tech saavy (she still gets film from her camera developed at CVS) so definitely no pictures or video will be available.

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  • kibeankibean member
    -Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days?
    Yes. My mom is watching my son and we pay her 200 a week for 4-5 days a week (DH is home on Mondays, but she is available to watch DS if he needs to run errands or something). She would love to be able to do it for free, but she was a stay at home mom for 20 years then got divorced from my dad and has no retirement yet so she still needs to be paid. She also works part time on weekends and evenings at a local grocery store. 

    -What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? (or do they come to your home) ...I bought cheaper duplicates of the main items (portable swing, car seat base, stroller, bouncer seat, pnp, and baby gym). 

    -What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.)  Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received? My mom knows what she is doing. If I tell her things that are different from when she was raising kids 20 years ago (eg, sleeping on backs, no blankets, etc) she respects those things. 

    -For those of you who are paying your caregiver, did you hash out any specifics, i.e. Do they get "vacation", what if you are home with LO, do they still get paid?  I work in a school so she gets vacation when I do. I am paying her over the summer because I work on and off during those months and i know I would be paying another day care to save a spot anyways. 

    -What about "milestones", i.e. first step, first word…..did you ask them not to tell you?  haha,...I hadn't really thought about this. I don't think I would ask her not to tell. I want to know so I can look for it!

    -Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? Texting, pictures, video, etc.?
    I just ask that she answer the phone when I call. 

    -Any other questions I'm forgetting? Anything else I should cover to head off some common issues?
    I was a little nervous how I would be about giving up control to my mom during the day, but it has been the best possible decision. When I am at work, I am super busy so it is great that I don't need to worry if he is being taken care of well. She keeps him late, when he is sick, and can even take him to the doctor if needed. Honestly, I would pay any amount for the peace of mind knowing that someone  is taking care of my son who I know loves him as much as I do. In my mind grandma is second best to having his parents 24/7!
    Me-27 DH-30
    TTC since 7/2010 with PCOS
    MMC 6/13 at 9 weeks
    BFP 10/13!

    Little A was born at 36 weeks on 5/23/14!

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  • JmeJoLee83JmeJoLee83 member
    Posted this in colic support but it fits here too and I'm desperate to see what others would do: my LO has colic or screaming fits probably 3 times a week. He becomes inconsolable. My family went out of town with us this past weekend and finally witnessed what we had been talking about.

    My mom is supposed to watch C when I go back up work full time in November. I'm concerned she won't be able to console him and that it's not fair to ask her to deal with it. If it were part time I wouldn't feel so bad. I'm hoping his colic gets better by then.

    Also, I'm torn about letting her watch him occasionally these next few months to get used to it or shouldering the responsibility myself until I really need her. I want to spend as much time with him as I can and I don't know what is more selfish: keeping him all for myself or having her help here and there even though I am capable.

    One of my biggest worries is his napping. He has slept in car seat at her house and that is it. At 3 months he still wants to be held to sleep. I get maybe 3-4 hours on a good night with him swaddled in crib the rest of the night he sleeps on or with me in bed. My mom has said I better work with him on napping before she watches him full time...anxiety over load

    Thanks for reading my vent.
    First time mommy-to-be
    E.D.D. June 1, 2014

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  • JmeJoLee83JmeJoLee83 member
    Bump
    First time mommy-to-be
    E.D.D. June 1, 2014

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  • ElTrain5ElTrain5 member
    @JmeJoLee83‌ everything I've read says colic starts to subside around 4 months, so hopefully it won't be bad once you go back to work?

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  • JmeJoLee83JmeJoLee83 member
    @ElTrain5‌ thanks I hope so!
    First time mommy-to-be
    E.D.D. June 1, 2014

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  • diagonalleydiagonalley member
    Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days? Childcare will be split between my MIL and my parents, with my MIL doing the majority of the week. My parents won't accept payment, nor will my MIL, but my MIL is on our cell phone plan so we will cover that bill, and DH and I discussed getting her gas cards and such to show our appreciation.

    What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? (or do they come to your home) Fortunately they are all coming here.


    What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.) Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received? We don't really have a daytime schedule yet. I've tried getting out a lot while on leave and didn't want to be stuck to a schedule. I figure it will kind of work itself out? They've been involved with watching DS here and there since he was born for various reasons and all of those days went fine, with DS leading the way.

    For those of you who are paying your caregiver, did you hash out any specifics, i.e. Do they get "vacation", what if you are home with LO, do they still get paid? I am a teacher so I have the summers off, but I imagine we will continue to pay MIL's phone bill which is fine!


    Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? Texting, pictures, video, etc.? Haven't even considered this, but the reality is as a working mother I'm going to miss out on some things. I guess if I get really upset when it happens I'll say to just not let me know?

    Any other questions I'm forgetting? Anything else I should cover to head off some common issues? Nothing else I can think of at this point!

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • seb827seb827 member
    Our ORIGINAL plan was to have my MIL watch our son two days a week when I returned to work, and have my father watch him the other two days. I'm off on Fridays so that wasn't an issue. Mind you, we had this agreement in place MONTHS before our son arrived. However, FOUR DAYS (!!!!) before I returned to work, my MIL "kindly" informed my husband and I that she never wanted t watch our son in the first place because she "doesn't have the time" (she doesn't work but has a jammed social calendar) and we're on our own. LOVELY!!! So we had to promptly register (and pay for, might I add) care.com to find a nanny for two days a week. Luckily, we were able to find one quickly and it's been working out really well. But it's money we sure weren't planning to spend right now! So anyway, long story long, below are answers to your original questions:

    -Do you pay your family member? If so, how much for how many days? We don't pay my father to watch our son.

    -What about baby gear? Did you buy gear for their home or did they? (or do they come to your home) We take our son to my father's house, or occasionally to my MIL's (she "volunteered" to watch our son if we were in a pinch. How generous.) We bought my MIL and my father a gallon of nursery water for each of their houses with which to prepare bottles. We also bought each of them a car seat base for their cars. My husband's coworker gave us her son's crib and mattress, which we keep at my MIL's (we already had a crib from another coworker; we're very lucky!), but we bought the bed wedge for it. My father bought a Pack-n-Play, pad, and sheets for his house, and already had the bassinet he made that my brothers, nephews, and I all slept in as infants. As for clothes, diapers, etc., we pack our son's diaper bag and a medium-sized duffel bag (diaper bag for travel, duffel for daily necessities) every day for his stay at Grandpa or Grandma's house. We also bring one of his strollers to each of their homes in case they want to take him out.

    -What about laying down ground rules (i.e. schedules, naps, feeding, medication, etc.)  Did you have a chat, write things down? How were your rules received? We laid out our wishes and expectations with each parent. We also wrote down important instructions, such as formula preparation and medication administration, and keep those in our son's bag. Our rules were received fine, for the most part. Whether or not our parents actually follow these rules when we're not there is another story. But I think they do and we haven't had any issues.

    -For those of you who are paying your caregiver, did you hash out any specifics, i.e. Do they get "vacation", what if you are home with LO, do they still get paid? Our nanny doesn't get vacation pay, if that's what you mean. She gets paid from the time she arrives until the time one of us gets home. So if she's early for whatever reason and I don't need to leave for work for, say, another half hour, we still pay her for her time because she takes over the childcare the minute she gets in and gets settled.

    -What about "milestones", i.e. first step, first word…..did you ask them not to tell you? No, we'd prefer if we're notified of milestones. As hard as that will be, we'd rather know that it happened!

    -Did you ask them to stay in touch during the day? Texting, pictures, video, etc.? Yes. But this isn't a stringent requirement. Only if they feel it necessary.

    -Any other questions I'm forgetting? Anything else I should cover to head off some common issues? I think the most important thing is to have very clear, frequent communication about your ground rules, expectations, schedule, and desires. That way, there are no hard feelings or confusion. And if you have ANY concerns whatsoever, address them. Your parent/MIL should be able to hear them and make the appropriate adjustments. If not, hire a nanny instead. Sometimes grandparents need to remain strictly grandparents!
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