Preschooler question? - long (sorry)

irishtriplets · August 2014

I have two prefaces to this.

First, I apologize to those who have experienced a loss. I am mentioning a living child. Please do not take offense to my question. I swear I mean nothing inconsiderate.

Second, I went to post this on the Preschooler board but (1) I feel more comfortable here and (2) There isn't much activity there so I'm not sure if it'll be answered.

Okay, I have an almost 3 year old who started in a new room at his daycare almost two full weeks ago. Last week, he did NOT adjust very well. He was acting out, getting upset at home and his paper he's sent home with each day would say he had "mixed emotions." That is not like Oliver at all. So, we made some adjustments at home and got him to bed earlier and that seems to be helping.

Then, his teacher started potty training him this week. Apparently it has gone extremely well (only two accidents all week).

My issue is this: I work until 5. By the time I go pick him up, he's in another classroom and none of his stuff is with him. I pack a backpack each morning with extra clothes, a blanket and his breakfast. Also, that lovely little paper which tells me how he's behaved, how many accidents he's had and what he learned that day IS NEVER FRICKING GIVEN TO ME. Would you moms with similar-aged children be upset to not be kept aware of your kid's daily routine? I am probably the most laid back parent I know but I really do want to know if he's behaving, listening to his teacher and just generally how he is handling the transition. Manners, being polite and at least acting like a decent human being are paramount in our household and I want to make sure he is at least attempting to behave. I realize he's a toddler and do not put too many expectations on him. But, I found out this morning when I tracked down his teacher and asked her personally that he's been rough housing with the other kids lately. Hmm, that'd be the little nugget I'd like to know so I can tell DH to refrain from being quite so rough with him at night. There are 9 kids in Oliver's class, 7 of them boys. So, this is bound to happen. I just don't want to encourage the behavior.

I'm sorry to ramble. I'm just really frustrated right now. His teacher got so snippy with me about wanting to be kept in the loop. Once he's settled, she will never hear from me again. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know how his day is going, especially considering his less than stellar transition and he's freaking potty training!!!! Am I crazy? Do I just keep my mouth shut and let it go? Basically, if he's in another classroom when I come get him and his door is locked, I'm supposed to just let it go until the next day. Does that seem right to y'all??

MaineMama · August 2014

Speak up! It doesn't matter if the stupid door is locked, it takes 10seconds to get the keys and get his stuff, and they shouldn't give you any grief over it.

I think if you keep it consistent every day, ask for his bag, check said bag for his tracking sheet and when its not there, ask for it, they will get used to it and eventually you wont have to nag them about it. You are paying for this service, and you deserve to get the basics every day.

MaineMama · August 2014

FWIW- I'm a SAHM, but even on the days my parents keep my kids for whatever reason, they give me a run down of their day. What they ate, how long/when they napped, how many poopy diapers.

irishtriplets · August 2014

It's crazy to me that I would be the only mom who actually takes the time to read the papers and wants to know how their child is doing. I am so NOT Type A about my kids, at all. Or at least I think I'm not. Her getting snippy with me rubbed me and my hormones the complete wrong way. Sigh.

Thank you for the response!

hollycn · August 2014

That sheet is meant to be given to parents so they have an idea of how their child's day at DC went. It is perfectly within your right to ask for the sheet as well as all his other belongings. If the teacher you are asking really has a problem giving it to you, then maybe there is someone else you can ask. All you can do is be polite and firm. They should not have the option to keep you out of the loop about YOUR child.

PacoCat33 · August 2014

I'm not a STM, but I definitely think you need to speak up. I would have a conversation with the director and the lead teacher in the room. You need to be kept up-to-date on his behaviors, moods, potty training, etc. this is your right as a parent and a customer!

haleyusf · August 2014

They should definitely be giving you the feedback daily, even if he's not transitioning. If they take the time to write it up, it should be given to you. Maybe the teacher can put it in his backpack before he goes to the other classroom each day. With DS's preschool, the sheet ended up going to the next teacher because they would add to it; not sure why the observation stops as soon as the main teacher is out for the day. It's not unreasonable to ask as long as that's what they are writing down for each child.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

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irishtriplets · August 2014

Y'all have made me feel so much better. His primary teacher was covering the infant room this morning so the director took me to her and I just asked her (I thought nicely) if I was missing something and she got such an attitude with me. I told her if he hadn't had such a time transitioning AND she's trying to graciously potty train him for me, I wouldn't even think twice about knowing how he's doing in her classroom. They know more about kids than I do. I don't question them. Under normal circumstances anyway.

@haleyusf You're due on Oliver's birthday! It's a great day to have a baby!!

JRod13 · August 2014

I don't think you're asking too much. In fact, if a teacher got snippy with me because I wanted to know how my kid was doing, I would talk to her boss. Not only is it her job to make sure that she's watching your child and he is safe, it's also her job to make sure you feel comfortable leaving your kid there. I'm not sure why it's such a huge deal to move his stuff into another room when he goes....I wouldn't leave daycare without our belongings and it's ridiculous that they would expect you to. I'd take it up with the teacher one more time and tell her you are concerned with how he is adjusting and you expect updates on his progress daily so that you know what you need to reinforce and work on at home, perhaps she was stressed out and having a bad day when you approached her. If you still get te same response, I would take it to the director of the center and see what they say. You're not overreacting, you're being an involved parent. Big difference.

nesenotes · August 2014

No something is wrong. It's perfectly acceptable for you to be in the loop. DD'S preschool doesn't give a paper but 3 different teachers will tell me about her day and I'm not even asking. They just volunteer it. I'm usually in and out. It is nice to hear what she does and if she ate well and what not. I might consider a new pre-k. That's just not cool. She has no right to give you any kind of attitude. And there are 8 kids in DD's class and she is always happy and her teacher is always very friendly. That would be the nail in the coffin for me.

Eta: dd's teacher also works with us on PTing and she would never give me an attitude like that. It is gracious but it's also a part of what they do. It's sort of a part of her job (and mine we work together on it). Don't let her make you feel bad. Speak up and don't be afraid to do so. But i would really change schools. It seems like it's not the place for either of you.

mlee116 · August 2014

My DS has been in DC for almost 2 years now. He got a written daily report when he was an infant, but they stopped doing that when he turned 1 and went to the toddler room. However, his teachers always "brief" us when we pick him up. Sometimes they will just say that he had a great day and then other days they will give us more details like if he really enjoyed an activity or had any issues. Also, if he's going through any transitions, like potty training or teething, they give us more updates. But he's also been with the same DC for awhile, so not much changes day-to-day. I would expect to hear more during these first couple of weeks about how he's adjusting though.
This is what concerns me the most though:
vjordan78 said:
His teacher got so snippy with me about wanting to be kept in the loop. Once he's settled, she will never hear from me again.
You should be able to ask his teacher whatever you want. You have every right to know what's going with your child. And this shouldn't stop once he's settled. I like for DH and I to have a good relationship with our son's teacher because after all, he spends a large part of his day with her and she is an important part of his life. I used to be worried about being "that parent", but these people are caring for my child. I don't care if I'm annoying, it's my job as his parent to see that he is taken care of and happy while I'm away.

Personally, I'd speak up and bring the issues to the attention of the director. But above all, if you don't feel comfortable, then find an arrangement that makes both of you happy.

irishtriplets · August 2014

She was very condescending, which is my #1 peeve from anyone. My mom is visiting and she waited in the car. I could kick myself for not having a witness, in case I'm just being sensitive. I said to the teacher "Oliver was wearing the same clothes yesterday so I'm excited that that means he had no accidents at all?" To which she responded "Obviously." That's when my temper started bubbling up and I'm thinking WTF?!?!? I'm going to walk away from her right now before I really cause a scene.

Again, thank y'all for putting my mind at ease. I totally feel bad about being one of "those" parents as well. I don't have this laundry list of demands like some of the parents I've seen there. Hell, I don't even read CeCe's paper in the afternoons because she's been in that class for like six months now.

Cheekers2010 · August 2014

vjordan78 said:

Y'all have made me feel so much better. His primary teacher was covering the infant room this morning so the director took me to her and I just asked her (I thought nicely) if I was missing something and she got such an attitude with me. I told her if he hadn't had such a time transitioning AND she's trying to graciously potty train him for me, I wouldn't even think twice about knowing how he's doing in her classroom. They know more about kids than I do. I don't question them. Under normal circumstances anyway.

@haleyusf You're due on Oliver's birthday! It's a great day to have a baby!!

you have every right to question them! It's your son. If you wanted three updates every day you'd be well within your rights to request them. As it is, you're asking for nothing more then what is supposed to come to you. The teacher is in the wrong and if it becomes a pattern of her being snippy and uncooperative I'd be meeting with the director. Bottom line - don't ever feel bad for asking for what you have every right to,

mlee116 · August 2014

vjordan78 said:

She was very condescending, which is my #1 peeve from anyone. My mom is visiting and she waited in the car. I could kick myself for not having a witness, in case I'm just being sensitive. I said to the teacher "Oliver was wearing the same clothes yesterday so I'm excited that that means he had no accidents at all?" To which she responded "Obviously." That's when my temper started bubbling up and I'm thinking WTF?!?!? I'm going to walk away from her right now before I really cause a scene.

Again, thank y'all for putting my mind at ease. I totally feel bad about being one of "those" parents as well. I don't have this laundry list of demands like some of the parents I've seen there. Hell, I don't even read CeCe's paper in the afternoons because she's been in that class for like six months now.

Um, hell no. That is rude and unacceptable. I would've said something right then like "Is there a problem?" I would say something to the director, she may not know how her employee is talking to parents.

irishtriplets · August 2014

I am so genuinely relieved that y'all have made me feel like I'm not a completely insane crazy pregnant lady.

AlwaysForgetful · August 2014

I don't have one in preschool/daycare, but I do have one who is special needs, not fully going poop in the potty (pee he is fine), and is mainstreamed (academically ahead of his class). That poor woman has 30 kids and still deals with any meltdowns or situations with my son and she only has an aide part of the day. She has kids of her own and at one point, I was calling her every day trying to figure out how my son was adjusting so we could help with transitions.

So, I don't feel there is a reason with only 9 kids that she can't make sure you have that paper. I certainly would not put up with a condescending teacher. If you are going to be that way with me as an adult, I am sure you do the same to my child. Go above her head and talk to her supervisor.

arynras · August 2014

I taught preschool for three years, and there is simply no excuse for the teachers not to give you the paper with all his information from the day. It's unavoidable that he will be in a different classroom with a different teacher at the end of the day, but his teacher needs to be responsible and give the paper to the teacher he goes to so that information can be relayed to you. Also, someone should have a key to her door to get his things. It shouldn't just be locked in there where you can't get it. That's ridiculous. You're not being unreasonable at all. I would speak to the director about your concerns.

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