Updated: Bye-bye IUI?

DharmaChick · August 2014

UPDATE: So I guess I'm jumping right into IVF. Today is CD3, so I started BCP today. When the RE's office called back today, they assumed that I was ready to start, and I went with it because I know that I would regret putting things off even longer. I realized that taking break would mean taking even longer to get things going, b/c I don't get a CD1 on my own.

So, here it goes! Now I'm an anxious mess. Lol.

________
So it was not unexpected that my beta today for IUI #5 was a BFN. I've been cramping and spotting for days, and honestly didn't have much hope during this cycle at all.

We have had a couple of WTF appointments with my RE earlier this summer, and decided to do this one final IUI before possibly moving on to IVF. I am trying hard to focus on all of the positives - that there is a significantly higher rate of success; that I am very fortunate to have this covered by insurance; that I may be able to freeze embryos that could later be used for a second child, etc. However, I'm still a little uncomfortable with the process, and also a bit torn about whether or not to take a break first.

I'm leaning toward getting started with the IVF process right away, because I want to finally make things happen (hopefully) and I'm worried about putting it off and letting other things get in the way of scheduling it. On the other hand, I want to make sure that I am in the best mental and physical state I can be for a pregnancy, which a break could help with achieving.

Sorry for the rambling whining, and thanks for letting me vent. You ladies are awesome, and I know that you understand.

Again, I apologize for disappearing from the board a bit this summer. Dealing with IF has really worn me down. When I am depressed, I tend to avoid social interaction. I haven't made plans with friends for at least a few months. I'm going to try to remedy that.

BunnyBerry · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your BFN. And I totally understand the desire to hide away from friends when feeling crummy. I'm so glad you're here with us so we can encourage you tonight.

It's awesome that you're looking at the positives of IVF. It makes sense that it's a scary step. Since you're already TTC, I'm guessing you've been taking your folic acid, and I don't think anything else is really a dealbreaker.

But if you're feeling quite depressed, it might make sense to have a bit of counseling before moving into this next big step like a whirlwind.

I know that when I want something and am afraid I won't get it, I tend to throw caution to the wind and just go for it without thinking it through (that may or may not apply to meeting and marrying DH with only a long-distance relationship and a few weeks together, haha). But I think it's so important as an adult woman to respect myself, take good care of myself, and make careful, wise decisions when they are life-changing. It sounds like perhaps that quiet voice that is your own self is asking you to give yourself just a bit of time to center?

That said, with IVF coverage, it sounds like an awesome reason to just go for it!

Whatever you choose, I wish you peace tonight.

jennycam · August 2014

I'm so so sorry!!!!!!!! I hurt for you. I'm only on #3 and feeling lost. A break may be needed to regroup! T&P sending your way!

theholmanherd · August 2014

I'm sorry, dharma! I completely understand the need to regroup. I also understand your desire for IVF. I don't think I would be holding out much hope for IUIs after all that, either (even though it's still possible for a miracle, but not really likely). I hope you and your SO and RE can sit down and figure it all out. HUGS

DharmaChick · August 2014

Thanks, ladies. :x

Yes, I've definitely been taking prenatals and I have a very healthy diet. In terms of physical health, I'm just feeling out of shape. Maybe a bit of a break would allow me some time to exercise without worrying about it impacting the process? The exercise itself would help with my mental state as well.

IVF makes me a bit nervous but I know that it is our best option. My RE has said that there is an "unexplained IF" issue on top of my PCOS, but that IVF would likely work around.

I think that the RE requires at least another appointment before moving forward with IVF, so maybe that appointment will help us decide the time frame. I know that there will be at least a few weeks on BCP to prep, so maybe that's a mini-break?

DharmaChick · August 2014

rainbowbridge14 said:

Counseling is a great suggestion whether you choose to move forward with IVF now or wait and take a break. At a minimum it helps get me out of the house once a week during summer break. My thought is if you are leaning towards doing it now and have insurance I would do it and make sure I find myself some good support as I go through the process, but only you and your DH can figure out what's right for you.

Thank you, that is a great suggestion. I do think that I need to finally pursue a therapist again. I sought one out earlier this summer, but when I things (work, life) got busy, I didn't actually start seeing anyone. That may be the missing piece here, rather than a break.

TLooney17 · August 2014

We have decided to move to ivf after two failed iui's ( my husbands post wash counts were horrible). I thought I would want to move right to ivf, but I have decided to wait a few cycles and start bcp's in mid October. I think it's the right decision for us. I was really stressed out the last two months, and the extra time is giving me a chance to process the next step and mentally prepare for it. Do what you feel comfortable with. Hugs!!

Waterlily234 · August 2014

I'm so sorry about the BFN.

Hollowvic · August 2014

Sorry about your BFN! We also decided to move onto IVF. You're so lucky your insurance covers it! As for waiting, I'm going ahead with it right away because of my age I also just want the process over with, but if I was younger, which you are I would give myself a little break. Good luck!!!

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

You've got this!! It still sucks, but you won't regret moving forward!!!

RNCrystal · August 2014

I'm sorry, I'm kinda in the same boat. I'm currently in tww for my 4th and final iui ( not hopeful) my next step is ivf. Typically with iuis I had been taking a month off in between for a mental break so I thought of doing the same for ivf. That was before I realized it took a while to get the ivf cycle started. My DH is climbing in age so I have decided to get the ball rolling this fall. I would love to avoid all this during holiday season. Good luck to whatever you decide.

DharmaChick · August 2014

RNCrystal said:

I would love to avoid all this during holiday season. Good luck to whatever you decide.

Good point. Dealing with IUI stuff during the holidays last year was frustrating. IVF during that time could be even more so.

Buttmonkey34 said:

I'm sorry you're feeling down! And for the BFN. We were also in a similar situation...after my third, cancelled IUI. Had the insurance, we were getting frustrated, and I am now north of the 35 number. It's a tough decision at first, but you know what's best! GL!

Ugh, this reminded me that I needed to update my age in my siggy. Doing that actually helps my decision here. Btw, good luck with your beta today!! FX for you!!

DharmaChick · August 2014

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! Good luck to you all!

I think that I'm going to get things started sooner rather than later, try to find a therapist for some support, and hit the gym while I'm prepping.

Pintobean39 · August 2014

I'm sorry about your BFN. I understand avoiding social settings, I've become a hermit over the summer, it's just to hard sometimes. Good luck moving forward.

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