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WWYD? *loss and baby showers mentioned*

icantevenicanteven member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Today, I would have been 12 weeks pregnant but I found out I had a blighted ovum at the end of July. My MIL text me today to tell me she is throwing my husband's step sister a baby shower this fall and wanted suggestions of dates that worked to make sure I could be there (she knows about my MC). I was feeling okay today until then and I haven't recovered for the rest of the day.  Not to sound judgmental, but step SIL, while a sweet girl, has caused a lot of turmoil for the family. We don't speak outside of random family events. It's always polite conversation and I like her just fine, but we're not "friends". She has no other friends, which is why my MIL is throwing the shower. Part of me feels like a terrible human being for not wanting to go support this girl, who has virtually no one, but the other part of me is stomping my feet and whining/screaming "WHAT ABOUT MY BABY?! HE/SHE SHOULD BE HERE! THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!!!!!!!!!" Realistically, I know I can't avoid pregnant friends and family forever, so maybe I should just get it over with...? It's not like I'll never attend a baby shower again... I know everyone is different, so I guess I'm not looking for advice. I am just curious, would you bow out or would you get "the healing over with", so to speak?
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Re: WWYD? *loss and baby showers mentioned*

  • purplehaze11purplehaze11 member
    I've got about 5 baby showers this fall, with many close friends expecting. It's been tough to say the least, but I've put my big girl panties on to be happy/supportive to my friends. I try to focus on the future, and not grieving because if not I usually fall apart with the "why me's". It sucks.

    DD 15.07.2012

    BFP #2 01.18.2014, MMC 04.10.2014 15w5d

    BFP #3 07.18.2014, MC 07.31.2014 5w6d

    DX: RPL due to submucosal uterine fibroid. Hysteroscopy 12/16. All clear!

    image</a

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  • lexusolsenlexusolsen member
    *lurker from loss board*

    I don't think you have to go. if you feel compelled to attend feel free to leave early. Just tell MIL I will be there but I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stay. I would tell her why if you feel comfortable.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

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  • stephy1221stephy1221 member
    See how you feel at the time. If she is looking for dates throw out ones as late in the fall as you can. In a few months it will most likely be easier to deal with.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

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  • LisaG09LisaG09 member
    edited August 2014
    I've been invited to three baby showers since my loss and I haven't went to any of them. I told them I didn't feel comfortable because right now thinking, talking, and especially buying things for babies make me sad. All of them have understood. I'm sorry you are feeling pressured. Do what is best for you. ETA: I'm four months post loss and still didn't feel like going to one last weekend. I have one coming up in late Sept. It is the first that I've even considered going to and I think that is only because she is my BFF.

    TTC #1: February 1, 2014
    BFP #1: 2/21/14 EDD: 10/31/14 (my birthday!) MMC: discovered 3/31/14 (blighted ovum) D&C: 4/3/14 at 9w6d

    TTC #1 (Round 2): May 16, 2014 

     Names | Blog | Chart

    "Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain but you can't have a rainbow without the rain."

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  • farniegalfarniegal member
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I am skipping a friend's baby shower on Saturday bc I had RSVP 3 weeks ago and I was not in a place to even think about going 3 weeks ago. I am fairly certain I am strong enough to go now. I MC on July 18. I would pick a date far out and say I'll try my best to be able to come, but please don't plan it around me bc I can't commit to any date at this time.

    T&P
    Me - 35 DH - 41
    TTC 06.03.2013 
    BFP 06.15.2014  EDD 02.25.2015  MMC 07.07.2014 Miso 07.18.2014 
                                                                 August TTCAL Siggy Challenge : WTF Tattoos
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