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lmtrmama
member
Daughter getting upset about visits!
lmtrmama
member
My daughter's father is not the best, and he never really took her for visitation, he would come to our house. I had posted before about how things have been because since he left rehab, he has been taking her on Wednesdays. There have been many questionable visits in the four months it has been happening. I really don't want to go back to court because I've gone through it before and it is hard to prove! He can fake pass a drug test, and he also uses synthetic drugs usually instead of the real thing. Also, when he dropped her off at school smelling like alcohol, the school didn't report it. I feel like it will be difficult to prove that he is an alcoholic, and I really don't want to encourage him to take any more visitation time then he already does. He does not pay child support. All of this is done in the hopes that he will just leave us alone.
My problem that I have been having is that my 5 year old daughter doesn't want to go with him. They spend time together on Wednesdays and every Tuesday she starts to ask/beg me to not make her go and to please tell him she doesn't want to see him anymore. I always tell her to talk to him about it, and I also let her know that she can call me at any time to come home. She constantly asks my fiance to please be her real daddy. She told me last night "I wish that daddy was never your boyfriend so I wouldn't have to see him anymore." I asked her if she would be sad if she never saw her dad again and she said that she liked it when he would just come over and visit her and that she doesn't want to be alone with him or at his house.
I don't know what to do. I get really sad when she says this stuff, then I get really mad. I feel like I need to talk to him about it, but at the same time, I doubt it will do any good. I never say anything bad about her father, and I do not let her know that I get worried when she is gone. Every time she comes home, I just give her hugs and kisses and we usually go play or have a snack. At this point, I think she is just mad she has to go with him. I feel like I just need to stay calm because at some point, she will be old enough that her opinion will hopefully matter to him, or he will quit coming to see her just like he has all of the other times. I feel like she is just disliking him more and more because she does not want to be with him. I am trying so hard to separate my own feelings but he literally is doing nothing but wreaking havoc on everyone! He pays no child support but makes TONS of money. I always get promises of money coming but it doesn't. I don't mind the no money thing, but he does nothing else to help! He picks her up late and is late to take her places. I had to pull her out of gymnastics for the summer because he was late constantly and she was missing the majority of the class. He uses my car seat because he LOSES his constantly or doesn't have one at the moment. He doesn't feed her a normal dinner, and he drops her off late every time so she comes home hungry and tired.
I am hoping that someone else has gone through this or is going through it so I don't feel so alone.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Daughter getting upset about visits!
Good luck.
2) It's a hassle and if you don't need it, don't let him hang it over your head.
Ultimately it's your choice.
Both of these. A 5YO doesn't just make that up as a joke. Don't even bother with the investigator. Take her to the pediatrician TODAY. Don't even think of letting her go with him until this is settled. Something happened or she saw something that she shouldn't have. Do something about this RIGHT NOW.
I deal with this stuff professionally and the best way to handle it is to call the cops and get their sex crimes/child crimes unit on this ASAP.
I agree with other PP's and I am so sorry for your situation! I just wanted to add that they can test for synthetic drugs. Those tests can be more expensive but if he wants to see DD, they can do it and he will have to pay for it. Just FFT.
Good Luck with everything and I hope you get answers and peace soon!
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Hi. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I am usually mobile. I would contact the police and make sure they send out a detective and not just a patrol officer and one that works with sex crimes/kids. They usually have a basic background and are often trained in forensic interviews. If it is considered a serious situation they will make room for an interview. If not, you may just have to wait it out-getting a proper interviewer is crucial.
I would let the police/detectives handle all the follow up. The last thing you need is for the allegation to be true and then have your actions twisted into "mom makes fake claims against dad, look at all the stuff she did-calling school etc." Sex crimes/crimes v. kids detectives are trained in all this stuff and the more you stay out of it the better. Have contact information so they know who to speak to. Call the cops, say you have a 5 YO and the nature of the allegations against dad and you want a detective to respond and document. They can take the whole process from there.
It took years of fighting just too finally get visitation supervised by BM's parents and finally get it through their heads that we would never let it rest if they were not on SD's side.
We do finally have done peace, but unfortunately, SD does still have to visit them EOWend. My H does have full custody, though.
My two pieces of advice are to NEVER doubt your child. Leave it up to them to prove their innocence in this case. And never let anyone tell you there is nothing you can do or tgat you have to wait. Do what you have to do to keep her case front and center, don't let her fall through the cracks. That may mean making multiple reports, reporting to different agencies when one tells you you have to wait or they can't do anything yet or at all or family/friends making reports, making sure doctors and teachers are doing their job. Don't be afraid to be THAT parent that totally annoys and seems over the top to everyone else.
Good luck. Let us know how things go.
Also, if you haven't done so, press for an emergency temporary order of protection and emergency custody until this is resolved. These are usually granted very quickly as long as there is court business to follow.