When Timeouts Don't Work

[Deleted User] · August 2014

We've talked a lot about timeouts as a discipline method. What do you do when timeouts don't work or aren't as effective?

DS went through a phase when he flat out refused to go into timeout. Short of physically holding him down (which didn't feel right) I wasn't sure what to do. We are through that phase now but what would you suggest for any future episodes?

MissyC979 · August 2014

Early on we used to hold him on our lap for timeout. We also take away toys instead of timeouts at certain points, depending on what he is doing wrong (i.e., natural consequences).

lilorangekitty · August 2014

Time outs don't work here either. I'm curious to see what others do. We've tried just ignoring her until she is ready to calm down/ apologize, but that isn't always ideal...

NotSharknado · August 2014

Or what does she/he have to do to deserve a time out? I feel like I use the excuse of picking my battles way too frequently. Her behavior hasn't changed so I think I'm doin this wrong.

Unknown · August 2014

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[Deleted User] · August 2014

We rarely do timeouts as well. They just aren't effective for us.

We do natural consequences like the "car goes away if you throw it" example.

NNGnome · August 2014

We are struggling with this at the moment too, I am really not sure what to do, DS1 is almost 3 and DS2 is almost 1, and our biggest problem is that DS1 will hit, kick and push DS2 all the time (DS2 is learning to walk and he wants to be a part of what DS1 is doing), I am at my wits end, I put him in timeout every time (we do 1,2,3 time out although if he is vilent towards his brother it is automatic time out) , he will go in just fine, and will apologise and give his brother a hug when he comes out, but it just doesn't seem to be effective/ I am planning on adding a timer, so he knows how long he has to stay there, but it's not like I can take his brother away from him LOL, so I am really unsure what to do.

lilorangekitty · August 2014

What about if she is hitting you? Since I can't get her to do a timeout, I tell her "we don't hit. If you hit me I won't play with you". If she hits again I walk away. But the problem is I'm not sure if she is learning that she shouldn't hit and I have no idea what I will do if she hits another kid. Suggestion?

LucilleAustero · August 2014

We have a few things in our arsenal. First we try the positive discipline approach, this often works. When it does not, we do time-outs. If that does not work, we take away a preferred toy for a set amount of time.

TheRunningGinger · August 2014

My 3 year old will make up songs about timeout while she's there. Something like I wanna get out of time out but momma says no no no I'm gonna be in timeout forevvvverr. Then laughs at herself. So yea, they aren't very effective with her.

I do natural consequences. She cares a lot more about her toys being taken away, cartoon being turned off, having to come inside while playing outside, etc than she cares about sitting in timeout for 3-5 minutes.

ShakeyJakey · August 2014

My kid goes in time out for climbing chairs. I can't really take that away. I try to save it for big issues but sometimes a minute sitting at the bottom step helps us both calm down. He's not even 2 so I only do a minute.

dashofreality · August 2014

We couldn't do timeouts with my daughter because she is so sensitive that they were too much for her and she would get really really upset. When she was toddler age we would have her go to her room to calm down or sit with her and hold her and do a lot of empathizing.

She is now almost 4 and rarely gets in trouble. We occasionally have her do some sort of restitution for a wrong she has done (usually getting mad at her brother and taking something forcefully). Also threaten/take away privileges, usually books over the teeth brushing cooperation. We do try and focus on the positive.

DS - yeah I'll be watching this. He is that kid that gets out of timeout gives you a huge smile and does what he just got in trouble for again in front of you.

dashofreality · August 2014

peanutrach1 said:

. I usually feel like DD is way more out of control when we hang out with other kids her age. This parenting stuff is rough.

Yes! Some of the stuff she pick up...yikes. I maybe have a bit more understanding why some people shelter their children. I won't do it, but I kinda understand the knee jerk reaction to do so.

theseaword · August 2014

Sometimes I still redirect. Timeouts would sometimes go in a loop with p, and turn into a game. So if it's just a tantrum thing, I'll act silly or ask him silly questions. Once he's smiling, he is more receptive to cooperate with whatever we were trying to do.

fancynewbeesly · August 2014

Early on, we used her booster seat for time outs. I would move the kitchen chair away from the table so she couldn't push back in anger and strap her into the chair. Now she complies better and sits on the steps.

However, we use time outs sparingly--she gets an automatic time out for showing aggression (hitting, kicking, etc) on purpose.

But other behaviors--I try to implement natural consequences (you throw a toy---toy goes in time out), etc. I also do time ins a lot, when she is just moody or crabby, etc I take the time and we snuggle on the couch--either watch her favorite show together or just talk. That also helps a lot. That little extra dose of positive attention.

zeptattoo · August 2014

Time outs were effective at one point but now they are not. We use a few things now- losing allowance (he gets a few cents for doing chores), or removal of a toy. The best is natural consequences. Oh hey, you threw that and it broke? That sucks and now you don't get another one.

beachcomberbride · August 2014

Time outs are more effective at older ages, my boys are 7 and 5 are it works GREAT. Between a year and 3 years, I would either take their toys/privileges away, or sometimes I would set them in their crib/playpen/room without toys for a certain length of time (a minute to two minutes per year). That seemed to work really well too.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

beachcomberbride said:

Time outs are more effective at older ages, my boys are 7 and 5 are it works GREAT. Between a year and 3 years, I would either take their toys/privileges away, or sometimes I would set them in their crib/playpen/room without toys for a certain length of time (a minute to two minutes per year). That seemed to work really well too.

Yeah, that's a timeout.

beachcomberbride · August 2014

@MarlaSinger& different than a timeout in a chair or corner, though, which works better at older ages

Unknown · August 2014

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[Deleted User] · August 2014

beachcomberbride said:

@MarlaSinger& different than a timeout in a chair or corner, though, which works better at older ages

It's still a timeout, which is fine. But it's a timeout.

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When Timeouts Don't Work

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There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
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When Timeouts Don't Work

Re: When Timeouts Don't Work

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't denyThen there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of timeWithout you I'll never make it out aliveBut I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

Choose Another Board

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There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright