My Boys are getting a sister any day now! How do I explain whats in her diaper?

Lerisa85 · August 2014

Okay, so I have a 5 year old and a 6 year old. One starting Kindergarten and the other First Grade. So they're older kids, who have a basic understanding of their own bodies. I have never really explained the difference between boys and girls... they know mom doesn't have a penis but that's about it. They have never SEEN anything on a female before aside from maybe a boob on TV when I wasnt expecting it (which they think is hilarious).

So my little man who's 5 is super excited to be a big brother, he's got a baby doll he dresses and diapers (we're cloth diapering) and he's been really into trying out all the different kinds of diapers we have as well as putting onesies on and that stuff. So he's AMPED to start helping diaper and all that... my question is... how did you explain to your boy what he's seeing in the diaper... lol Or better yet what did he ask? I want to be ready and not thrown for a loop on the spot but I don't want to treat it like it's something awful and taboo. Is there a "proper" way to go about this?

I have a twin brother so I grew up just knowing since we bathed together from day 1. I guess I just need good phrasing and an idea of what's coming. We don't use "cute" words for things, we call their penises penises. I just don't want them blurting things around school and getting kicked out because of "zero tolerance", but I don't want to lie or "hide" her from them. Anyone have any experience with this?

Lerisa85 · August 2014

Sorry its a big deal to me, my brother was locked in a youth facility at age 10 for being too curious about this topic. I'm trying hard to avoid another situation like that. Our state is insane.

neverblushed · August 2014

Your sons are not your brother. Whatever the situation was with your brother (he was unfairly accused or he did something inappropriate and was punished,) it wasn't caused by him "knowing too much" about female anatomy. It's not knowledge that causes people to do inappropriate things or causes states to have bad laws.

The arrival of a baby sister is a great time to give a very straightforward, factual explanation about how girls and boys are different. I would stick strictly to anatomy and how these parts are used for peeing and pooping, and only go into anything related to sex and reproduction if they ask a question that heads in that direction. With a kid aged 5 - 6, I would probably say something like this:

"You might have noticed that Baby Sister doesn't have a penis and testicles like you guys do. That's something that's different about girls' bodies. The girl part is called a vagina [or whatever term you will use]. Her pee comes out of a little hole in here. She has a little hole in her bottom that makes poop, just like you guys. That's one way that boys and girls are the same. Her vagina and her bottom are her private parts, just like your penis, testicles and bottom are your private parts. Let's remember that the only person who can touch your private parts are you, your parents, and the doctor. That's true for Baby Sister, too. The only people who should touch her private parts are me, Dad, and the doctor. So you guys can help me change her by bringing me diapers, but only Dad and I can touch her private parts to wipe her off, okay? Great. Any questions?"

This way you're getting the "privacy" thing in there right along with the anatomy lesson. If you handle it in a matter-of-fact way, they probably won't even ask any questions. If they do, be prepared to answer whatever they ask in a factual way, sticking to biology at this age. Don't over-explain things. Give the simplest explanation you can give that answers their question and stop there.

You might also say that talking about private parts is something for home and family, and that it's not polite to talk about private parts at school.

HTH and congrats on the new addition to the family!

MNgirl326 · August 2014

I don't know the situation, but i am going to guess that he was not locked up for using the correct terminolgy on what a girl's anatomy is.

i would keep it simple and explain that boys and girls are different. Boys have penis and girls have vagina's or whatever terms you choose to use.

IF you haven't already had this conversation, you need to have it, especially if you kids are going to school. You want to be your kids first educators when it comes to sexuality and private anatomy. You do not wnat your kids hearing about things form the other kids on the playground.

I am sorry about your brother, but it really sounds like there is more to the story. It is your job as a parent to educate your kids and it having a new baby sister is a perfect time to begin those coversations. You can't live in fear over what happened years ago to your brother.

MesmrEwe · August 2014

I'm going to suggest the "when it happens in conversation to get a question, you answer it appropriately" in that moment instead of TMI too quickly. Honestly, with DD we use "Boy parts" and "Girl Parts" ... She knows he's got a penis, we call his parts when talking to DS a penis, when the questions come I'll answer them, but for now, it's not cutesy, it's not fun, it's all business and nothing more nothing less. I suspect with the long drawn out proactive response it'll be "deer in the headlights" instead of "o.k. no big deal" and move on... Don't make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

groovygrl · August 2014

Agree with mesmrewe...just wait for it to come up and give him a simple answer using the appropriate terminology and leave it at that. He may not really care that much, he may know more than you think he does, or he may ask more questions. Just answer the questions simply and don't go nuts on the detail unless he asks. I guess it is different but I have boy girl twins who have obviously grown up bathing together and seeing each other naked and are now five and this is really a nonissue...and of the two, the boy is way less interested in any of it.

janinekrause · August 2014

neverblushed said:
Your sons are not your brother. Whatever the situation was with your brother (he was unfairly accused or he did something inappropriate and was punished,) it wasn't caused by him "knowing too much" about female anatomy. It's not knowledge that causes people to do inappropriate things or causes states to have bad laws.

The arrival of a baby sister is a great time to give a very straightforward, factual explanation about how girls and boys are different. I would stick strictly to anatomy and how these parts are used for peeing and pooping, and only go into anything related to sex and reproduction if they ask a question that heads in that direction. With a kid aged 5 - 6, I would probably say something like this:

"You might have noticed that Baby Sister doesn't have a penis and testicles like you guys do. That's something that's different about girls' bodies. The girl part is called a vagina [or whatever term you will use]. Her pee comes out of a little hole in here. She has a little hole in her bottom that makes poop, just like you guys. That's one way that boys and girls are the same. Her vagina and her bottom are her private parts, just like your penis, testicles and bottom are your private parts. Let's remember that the only person who can touch your private parts are you, your parents, and the doctor. That's true for Baby Sister, too. The only people who should touch her private parts are me, Dad, and the doctor. So you guys can help me change her by bringing me diapers, but only Dad and I can touch her private parts to wipe her off, okay? Great. Any questions?"

This way you're getting the "privacy" thing in there right along with the anatomy lesson. If you handle it in a matter-of-fact way, they probably won't even ask any questions. If they do, be prepared to answer whatever they ask in a factual way, sticking to biology at this age. Don't over-explain things. Give the simplest explanation you can give that answers their question and stop there.

You might also say that talking about private parts is something for home and family, and
that it's not polite to talk about private parts at school.

HTH and congrats on the new addition to the family!

I agree with what everyone said except I think getting into over the top convos on private parts is too much. Why can't they change her diaper? If there is too much emphasis then they will think its a big deal. I have a 5 year old daughter who more than understands anatomy. We don't hide when we change so she knows what a penis is and used to take baths with my nephew when they were little. She changes my 2 year old daughters diaper from time to time and if we had a baby boy now, I wouldn't stop her from changing him.

You have an unfortunate history and I apologize but try and just be honest and make nothing shameful or weird and it will be fine.

groovygrl · August 2014

I have to agree w/ JanineKrause- there is no need for some massive over the top explanation unless additional questions are posed. He will get anatomy lessons in school one day. Boys and girls have different private parts, it is really not that big a deal. And she also makes a good point, would this even be a question if older sib was a girl & baby was a boy? Probably not which isn't really fair either.

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