Wwyd: return to work woes....

Manada · August 2014

Hi everyone,

I am just trying to get a sense if I am being reasonable in my expectations, or if there's something I can do to make it better...

Aside from the first week after we lost our babies, I have heard nothing from either my director or manager in response to my emails about return to work plans. For the first month I was pretty foggy in my head, and my first challenge was simply filling out the paperwork for my pregnancy leave, but any messages I sent to them were either not replied to or forwarded directly to HR.

After silence from both my director and my manager for the past month, I wrote a direct email today with my hopes for a gradual return over a couple of months with modified duties (as recommended by my doctor and therapist), and requested a phone meeting in the next week to discuss. I once again didn't get a reply, but got a calendar generated meeting invitation from my director for two weeks from now, with no message attached.

We are a small department and I have worked there for the past 7 years (first part time as a student, and full time for the past 3 years). I am hurt by the lack of communication from my bosses in this, and it is making it feel even harder to contemplate my return to the office.... I just can't believe they wouldn't reply to my messages at all, or make time for a quick phone conversation to just touch base. I guess my expectation is continued support, our office provides support for students and our community, so I expect that would extend to staff and I am dismayed that it isn't coming....

WWYD?

ScienceMama · August 2014

Hi Im In A Similar Boat. Found Out From This Situation That We Have No HR dept Just My Boss. Who Has No HR experience Or cooth. I Would Suggest Reviewing The Company's Policies And Legally what They Can And Can't Do. I Would Collect My Thoughts On Paper And Call Them Directly ASAP. try To Stay Composed And PuT The Phone On Mute Or Hangup And Call Back If You Start To Cry Or Feel Overwhelmed. Better To Blame A Bad Signal That Your Emotions. It May Be That They Are Playing CYA but Don't Jump Directly To That Conclusion Yet. If It IscConfirmed Then Be Prepared And Know Your Rights. Don't Misplace Or Project The Anger For The Loss With The Equally Palpable Anger at Their Insensitivity. Keep Your Cool And Return To Work (If You Are Ready) With A Sense Of Purpose And At The Right Moment You Will Know Exactly What You Need To Do. I Was Told That At The End Of The Day My Boss Has A Business To Run. It Was Not What I Wanted To Hear At The Time But It Was The Truth. Praying That All Goes Well.

Mel&John2013 · August 2014

I don't know your company, but is it possible that your manager is just trying to make sure you don't feel rushed? At my company people's emails often get ignored when they're on leave, vacation, etc. so they take their time away. After Lincoln passed away my boss wouldn't even discuss the plan for my coming back at first, he ignored me if I mentioned it.

Perhaps the fact that the meeting request isn't for two weeks means they want to make sure you're getting the time you need?

lexusolsen · August 2014

I'm a teacher so my boss wanted to know right away what,if anything, I wanted the students and staff to know. I sent them my plans to return via email. I took 6 weeks. I needed the distraction so I took care of the hr stuff (documents from my ob) as well. Aside from the initial conversation (which he initiated via email and from there was text message) I dealt with the secretary. But she was the one finding coverage for my classes and such.

I think a lot of people just don't know what to say so they say nothing. Try not to take it personally. I have especially found this to be true at work. People like to pretend it never happened. I hate it because if it didn't happen then my baby didn't exist but I don't think there is a ton that can be done to fight it at work. I have a picture of his feet and our hands displayed, I wear a memorial necklace and if people are talking about pregnancy or birth I share my input.

Can you drop by? I did that several times and it took the pressure off of my return. I could leave when I wanted to and only had to deal with a few people at a time.

Noethola · August 2014

***Siggy***

I am sorry you are not being supported. It sounds like they are giving you space. But, baby loss makes people very uncomfortable. It could be they just don't know what to say/type. An email is forever, where as something they say with inflections of voice might be better to come from them.

shandorfml2 · August 2014

***siggy

I'm sorry your feeling unsupported. It may be that they just don't know what to say. Once I returned, my supervisor didn't speak directly to me...for a month. He saw me in passing and said "were glad toi have you back" akwardly. Unfortunately, you will run into a lot of people who do not know how to respond to you. (((hugs)))

ScienceMama · August 2014

So I Went Back To Work Virtually This Week. We Lost Our Daughter At 17 Weeks On 8/3/14. Im Glad I Am Easing Back Into It B/c I Conf Called Into Our Staff Meeting And The Unimportant Jabber Infuriated Me. My Only Thought Was None Of This Matters. I Will Go Back Next Week But Hope To Have Found A Better Coping Mechanism Than Ignoring People When It All Seems So Stupid. Praying For A Renewed Sense Of Purpose.

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Wwyd: return to work woes....

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