Moral Dilemma: WWJ12D?

lewispm · August 2014

My co-worker, who is also my cousin, recently applied for a job elsewhere and listed me as a reference. The company where she applied emailed me asking about her character, work ethic, integrity, ability to work with others, etc.

She sucks. I mean, we are close as friends and cousins, but she is the worst co-worker I have ever had and is always coming up with excuses, not getting her work done, blaming other people and playing the victim. I'd hate for her to miss out on this job (partly because I'd love to not have to deal with her at work), but I would hate to lie. But I'm also paranoid if I wrote an honest one it would somehow get back to her what I wrote.

I know she will ask about what I wrote or even ask to see it. I know I wouldn't have to show her, but she's very nosey and persistent and I know I would be really awkward about it if I wrote one I didn't want her to see.

So, WWJ12D? Write an honest one? Lie? Ignore the email completely??

ThePinkSuperhero · August 2014

Be honest and vague. Surely this place will think it suspicious that she can only find family members to act as references, if they have any brains.

lewispm · August 2014

Trixi282 said:

ThePinkSuperhero said:

Be honest and vague. Surely this place will think it suspicious that she can only find family members to act as references, if they have any brains.

I was going to say the same thing. Definitely reply, but don't lie and you also don't have to blurt out all of the terrible things either. Just answer vaguely and only focus on the few good things, not all of the points. If you feel her work ethic sucks, but she's a wonderful person. Talk about her personality more than her work. That way you can avoid the negatives.

This is a good idea, only I can't think of a single positive other than she can be really perky in the mornings?? Definitely not enough to write an email about! Let's see.....ummm....she is very pleasant, talkative, and approachable to strangers and on the phone (however she will gossip and chit chat all day if you let her). And she actually does genuinely care about people and goes out of her way to cheer people up when they are down.

That's really all I've got. And they seem silly to write on a reference, don't they? Or are they ok??

ThePinkSuperhero · August 2014

I think that sounds pretty nice, actually. Make sure to mention multiple times that you're her cousin, hopefully they'll pick up what you're dropping.

pinkangelmoon · August 2014

I would be honest with the company, but wouldn't mention to your cousin that you got the email. If she asks just say you haven't heard from them. :^o

bumpuser1509193 · August 2014

Are you a character reference? Then you can just talk about her positive up beat attitude and call it a day.

lewispm · August 2014

aimee223 said:

Honestly, if it were me, I would say whatever I need to say to get her out of my office. I think if you're just giving your opinions about her as a coworker, it would hard for it to come back to you as "lying" because your opinions aren't facts.

If they really want the facts about her work ethic, they should be asking her supervisor, not a coworker.

I'm a little tempted to do this, really. I just don't think I would even be able to type lies big enough to make her sound like a decent worker. It would kill me inside.

I have no idea why she put me as a reference. I'm so tempted just to ignore the email or send it to my junk folder and pretend I never saw it.....

britbratjf · August 2014

Are you her supervisor? If you aren't you could easily say that you can speak to her work product. I would list her good qualities but also be honest and say that her time management skills need work and she doesn't always complete tasks on time.

Pleione · August 2014

Personally I would ignore the email and have a chat with the cousin about being uncomfortable about being listed as a referee... something along the lines of I love you but you're a sucky worker and I don't want to ruin it for you.

reinedecajun · August 2014

I always thought you couldn't use family members as references?

I'd be honest. Vague but honest.

nesenotes · August 2014

Well I'm a liar liar pants on fire. I would give her a glowing review only because she's family. And who's to say if she is in a different environment she may not be perfect in this new place? Kwim? I wouldn't want to hurt her opportunity. Unless I hated her, then I'd be honest.

aylafsu88 · August 2014

I would be honest. If they ask you a question about how reliable she is, tell them that she came in late a t times. You do not have to throw her under the bus but you should give them an honest evaluation of her. I think it also has some reflection on you. If you give her a excellent (false) recommendation and then she is crappy for them then they are going to wonder WTH you were thinking.

Pleione · August 2014

andreab7412 said:

If I remember right all of you guys are family there right? So she really has no choice. I would be brief but honest and hit on her strong points. If they ask specifics then answer honestly. Is she asks about it be honest. She can't deny she is late. She maybe more on the lazy side because its a family businesss and knows she can get away with it.

Agree with this, didn't realize everyone there was family. Although I would still be ticked off if someone listed me as a referee without asking me first. But given that you're good friends, maybe I'd let it slide this once... focus on her strengths if she has any. If she doesn't, don't write the letter.

lewispm · August 2014

Thanks everyone! I wrote a super short email about how she is very friendly and outgoing and makes people coming in the office feel very welcome. That's about it. I didn't say anything negative, but I also didn't say anything regarding her quality of work or her work ethic. I let on that I have known her my entire life and we are good friends, so maybe they will realize I am probably not the best reference.

Moral Dilemma: WWJ12D?

Re: Moral Dilemma: WWJ12D?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards