Silly but snarky-how to handle questions about age

MommyAtty · August 2014

I'm lucky that I look a lot younger than I am. (Though truthfully #2 has aged me in the last 4 months!) Apparently, someone just did the math, looking at my law degree in my office, and just figured out that I'm kinda old! So suddenly, I'm supposed to be the company expert on post-35 fertility. And infertility. Now, considering I was lucky enough to get pregnant the first month trying both times (genetics... My grandmas both had multiple kids after age 40), I'm sort of at a loss. Do I just go with "Eggs don't self-destruct on a woman's 35th birthday" or "Seriously, guys, I'm not a unicorn... All the old ladies are doing it" or what? And while I'm at it, while I don't mind strangers on the internet asking how long it took to conceive, I'm totally creeped out when it's a VP of my company asking! I'm about thiiiiiis close to answering, "Oh, about 15 minutes, give or take, but we were both pretty tired that night." I should add, none of these folks are looking to conceive themselves. If they were, I would have a lot of compassion and frankly be even at more of a loss since I'm just uber-fertile and I didn't do anything to deserve that. It's more just prurient interest and idle curiosity on their parts. Anyone else get weird questions about being an older mom of a baby?

mandyreads · August 2014

Wow!! 15mins?? lol but yeah I love that answer. I haven't really ran into these problems. I guess bc I don't work and live in a really small town. I don't know...
But seems like you have some stellar answers lined up.

Mrs.McIrish · August 2014

I'm not sure what your age is but I think your best response is to acknowledge that you were very lucky to have healthy babies quickly. Don't minimize that you were fortunate. As someone who went through an enormous amount of treatment and whose eggs were bad by 37, I don't like to see people assuming that most 40 yr old+ women can always have babies with no effort. It takes a village for some of us and you never know who will be fertile and who won't be.

chucktgirl · August 2014

Mrs.McIrish said:

I'm not sure what your age is but I think your best response is to acknowledge that you were very lucky to have healthy babies quickly. Don't minimize that you were fortunate. As someone who went through an enormous amount of treatment and whose eggs were bad by 37, I don't like to see people assuming that most 40 yr old+ women can always have babies with no effort. It takes a village for some of us and you never know who will be fertile and who won't be.

^This. I'm another over 40 who's gone through hell and back to get pregnant. No one knows I'm pregnant yet, but everyone still keeps urging me to have kids, saying lots of women my age are having babies these days! If they only knew. Please, acknowledge in whatever way makes you comfortable, but please don't give the impression that any woman can do it at any age. Honestly, in my eyes, you ARE a very lucky unicorn. And I'm jealous.

MrsL2B · August 2014

I got pregnant the first month of trying, and I've had more questions than I'm comfortable trying to answer about special things those over 35 should do when TTC. I never tell anyone how lucky we were that we didn't have to struggle, and I just give out the standard advice I initially heard from my OB when we went in for preconception counseling: know when you're ovulating, have sex during your fertile window, and if that doesn't work quickly, don't waste more time before seeking help. I'm a quiet, private person, so I can get away without having to have more intimate conversations with most people.

Mrs.McIrish · August 2014

In response to MrsL2B, i can understand being private when it's not something you are used to. It's much easier to be vocal about fertility issues when you've had more than 1000 people up in your wooha over several years!!! I have no issue tellng people more than they want to know about fertility now :-)

NicoleWI · August 2014

No advice, but I LOVE "about 15 minutes." Awesome.

BeckyP005 · August 2014

I got my first wow...and then another wow a second later by someone today. I will be close to 47 when this baby is born. Used donor eggs which only a few know about. Think she was pretty shocked! Not sure if her first guess was that I needed help. Hopefully no one straight asks me that. I might say ivf bit leave DE part out. I just smiled and said we are very happy.

I know my response is not answering your question but I'm curious when I start to tell others like my mom's friends what the response will be

alexesq33 · August 2014

I haven't been asked this, although other intrusive personal questions have been lobbed my way...

I would say "WOW HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM??" - turn the awkwardness over onto them (unless they're totally dense in which case, a "that's a rather personal question" with a smile should shut them up.)

JilliansMoma · August 2014

My first thought while reading is to just be up front about it (even though it is really nobody's business) in case you could help/give hope to an over 35er who is struggling. Then I got to the part where the people asking are not even trying to conceive, at which point I would bust out the 15 minutes line!! LOL!!

MommyAtty · August 2014

Right now, I'm sticking to, "I was really lucky, we got pregnant the first month both times. I'm pretty sure if there were a fertility Olympics, we could medal." But sheesh! Really? I've had four different people bring it up this week! No clue why everyone is so fascinated by this, though pregnant women of any age are pretty rare around here.

topaz7777 · August 2014

I might just shrug and say "Oops" lol

Mrs.McIrish · August 2014

I'd leave out the medaling in fertility Olympics bc I'd want to throat punch you if someone said that to me (as an inferility sufferer). Just a suggestion !

alexesq33 · August 2014

I think you can pretty much tell the women (and maybe men) who are GENUINELY curious as to how you did it , perhaps for a personal reason, versus the jackasses who are just "OMG YOU'RE SO OLD AND PREGNANT WHAAAAA - HOW???". Those people can get a flippant response.

If someone is having issues with fertility it's less likely they'd make a loud obnoxious comment, and more likely (IMHO) to come to you privately and ask how you did it.

You of course still have no reason to tell them if it makes you uncomfortable, but something like "It just happened we are very lucky" could cover those bases.

Samuelismomma · August 2014

No one blinks an eye when I say I'm pregnant, or if I get a response it is I don't look pregnant. Then again ppl always think my sis is my mom...so glad I took care of my skin! Hahaha....I would answer with what is comfortable, but like @Mrs,Mcirish said leave out fertility Olympics. Maybe just say yep...we have been blessed and change subject...

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Silly but snarky-how to handle questions about age

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