OMC: The Monday Morning Edition (Come vent!!)

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

There are will be pregnancies and babies mentioned. You have been warned!!

Yesterday, as I was swallowing a huge gulp of water, I noticed that I had a text message from a very pregnant friend about someone else’s FB pregnancy announcement (that I had not yet seen). The couple has only been married a couple of months AND I couldn’t drink at their reception because I was in the 2 ww from our failed first IVF. I am used to the pangs of jealousy that I feel when someone else announces, but this was a—probably unhealthy—level of anger and jealousy that I haven’t experienced before. And, because of that gulp of water, I started choking and then gagging. In retrospect, the look of terror on my husband’s face was actually funny. We both thought I was going to vomit. He didn’t know what to do. After a seriously ugly cry, he put me in the tub and I stayed there for a long time.

It’s not this couple’s fault, but I feel like I can measure my IF by their relationship. Plus, maybe 6 months ago, the wife told me that she didn’t think they would have kids. So, I seriously was not expecting this. Maybe that was a defense mechanism for her, I don’ know. And of course they don’t owe me an explanation of how, why, when this happened or why they changed their minds. Intellectually, I know that their reproductive capabilities and plans have absolutely nothing to do with me…but it sure didn’t feel that way yesterday.

I managed to offer my congratulations and then I immediately unfollowed both of them. Also, I’m down to one married IRL friend who doesn’t have a kid/isn’t pregnant (as far as I know).

So, that was my shitty Sunday. Anyone else?

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

@AlaskaDee23 AF is cruel.

So...I have been thinking about this whole going on BCP thing...I feel like I'd always be holding on to the hope of a surprise BFP. It certainly isn't impossible...just super unlikely.

jencity9 · August 2014

@ronniesgirl1981‌ That would have devastated me. Even though it's not about us it really is sooo unfair.

@AlaskaDee23‌ you're right, it's is yet another curse of IF that we will always be waiting for that miracle... After all we all know someone who knows someone who went through treatment and then got pregnant... I totally feel ya on this!! I thought this at least every other month when I wasn't getting treatment! Ugh

AFM, I was triggered (in the therapeutic context, not IF context, hehe) by my therapy client this morning. She is a new, fairly young-ish mother of an infant and we were discussing child development and she was being so arrogant like she knew better and didn't believe some of what I was saying (about child development way past what she has experienced with her child) and she kept making little jabs like "you'd be surprised" etc. as if I don't actually know, and right near the end I had to really be careful to choose my words because I was so upset with her. I'm 10 years older than her and am educated on the topic and have worked in this field for 10 years, yet she knows I have no children and have never been pregnant (yes, she asked, and I am honest when clients ask in just telling them 'no') and especially with being PUPO right now and terrified of the outcome, that was so hard for me!!!!! Maybe I should have saved this for TP Thursday, LOL.

lebradford · August 2014

@ronniesgirl1981 Ugh to pregnancy announcements, especially in that situation. It seriously just makes me want to hide inside my house and not come out until I’m giving birth, you know?

@AlaskaDee23 I’m sorry. :-( I feel the same way about BCPs. When I’m not cycling, I just want to be on them because it is so much less stressful.

Omg, @jencity9 I don’t know how you dealt with that. I’m so glad I’m not a therapist. :-/

**loss mentioned**

AFM, I'm still really pissed and sad about how my mom handled my ectopic pregnancy. When I called her to tell her about it I was sobbing and she said, "I just wish you weren't putting yourself at risk like this," basically blaming me for the ectopic because of doing an IUI. She went on and basically said she didn't think it was worth it. I guess she would prefer that we didn't have kids?? To try to make amends, she emailed me and said, " I just don't want you to risk your life, is that so wrong for me to feel that way?" So, to me, that is pretty much saying the same thing again that upset me in the first place. I feel like, instead of offering support, she is just blaming me for what happened. We are pretty close and I was so hurt that literally everyone else I told (you guys, our bosses, a couple of coworkers, and my husband's parents and sister) was completely more supportive than her. I don't know how we'll ever mend this....

theholmanherd · August 2014

I feel like I'm so busy trying to "be there" for everyone, that I don't have anyone (in person) to "be there" for me during this whole fucked up mess with Abuela. I miss my husband and I want him to be here, making me laugh and comforting me. I am supposed to go home on the 1st, but now my uncle wants to throw a 91st birthday party, so now I feel guilty for leaving and not making it for her party. We're planning on coming out for Christmas, but I just hope it's enough. With DH's possible new job, I just won't be able to come out again until Christmas and I feel like I'm failing her when she was always there for me but we can't move to San Diego, so what am I supposed to do? I know I'm being overly sensitive, but I just feel pulled in so many directions and I'm completely exhausted and I just want to crawl into a dark corner and cry but I never have any alone time to do so. UGH. Sorry, I guess I had a lot to get OMC.

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

@ButtMonkey34 So...how are you feeling today?

@lebradford Big hugs!

@theholmanherd Can you take a drive? I am totally not against hiding and crying!

Kcheese · August 2014

At my last IUI I had a different RE in the practice. He saw a polyp on my cervix & passed this along to my RE. My RE recommended removing the polyp & today was my appointment for that. So I'm super anxious for this & praying that it doesn't hurt. So once I'm all comfy in the stirrups & get started we discover there is NO polyp (RE said they can come off on there own during period). No polyp is good, but I'm so aggregated that I took extra time off work & since OOP I'm out the money for today's visit as well & have nothing to show for it. Grrr

lebradford · August 2014

@theholmanherd I’m sorry you don’t have anyone supporting you right now IRL. That is so hard.

TTCBabyJ · August 2014

Even though I'm very excited to have O'd naturally this month I told my DH that I really don't think we are ever going to get pregnant. Lately I have not only been praying that I get pregnant but I have also prayed that if I don't get pregnant that God will take away this aching urge to be a mother. I just can't stand the aching urge and no results.

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

@TTCBabyJ I hear you! I just want to find happiness...however!

theholmanherd · August 2014

Thanks, everyone. I do have my car, so a drive may be in order. I know of a few places that are kind of secluded I could go to.

Hugs to everyone. It's been rough for the ladies of 3T lately.

WishUponAChild · August 2014

I don't know what omc means but here is my vent:

I wish the lab would stop taking 6 weeks to forward the RE our results.

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

@WishUponAChild‌ Off My Chest! I made it up in an old poll.

lebradford · August 2014

Thanks, @rainbowbridge14.

I can see how doing the same thing would start to feel hopeless after a while. :-\ I hope your IUI ends up working out for you though. I'm on mobile and can't see your signature right now, but would switching to another drug or to injects be an option for you so that you can try something "new" without doing IVF?

Champs28 · August 2014

This is super lame but....... I am so annoyed. My BFF is preggo and due on the fall. She's been a huge help through IF for me. But here's the kicker. She's naming her baby the same name I wanted. Like I love this name. She didn't know I liked it first obviously. And of course she can name her child whatever she wants. It just sucks that she's gonna have a baby with my intended name and I'm just over here not ovulating.

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

@Champs28‌ Big hugs! That sucks!

theholmanherd · August 2014

Champs28 said:

This is super lame but....... I am so annoyed. My BFF is preggo and due on the fall. She's been a huge help through IF for me. But here's the kicker. She's naming her baby the same name I wanted. Like I love this name. She didn't know I liked it first obviously. And of course she can name her child whatever she wants. It just sucks that she's gonna have a baby with my intended name and I'm just over here not ovulating.

I just met the third person IRL that is using "my" name. DH and I have loved this name for years and now his cousin, my bff's sister, and the director or nursing at Abuela's convalescent home are all using it. I feel your pain. I really don't think we will use the name now. It just adds an extra layer of fuck you to the IF bitch.

Champs28 · August 2014

@theholmanherd‌ yeah I'm not going to use my name either. Boo

lebradford · August 2014

rainbowbridge14 said:

lebradford said:

Thanks, @rainbowbridge14.

I can see how doing the same thing would start to feel hopeless after a while. :-\ I hope your IUI ends up working out for you though. I'm on mobile and can't see your signature right now, but would switching to another drug or to injects be an option for you so that you can try something "new" without doing IVF?

Thanks for the support. Sadly we are already on injects. Clomid and Femara both didn't work very consistently for me. They did change my doses up a bit this time. I have never responded perfectly to injects (once I got one follicle and since we are also MFI we were hoping for 2-3 and another time I overstimmed) so a controlled response would be a nice goal to aim for. Hopefully the figure it out this next cycle.
_________________
Oh, boo. :-( Sorry.

shirleymaeby · August 2014

OMC: I am so tired of constantly whining about other people's pregnancies but it's seriously like every time I turn around. I barely posted my rant last week about a friend who got married in Feb and just got a BFP when I found out yet another person got one. Oddly enough I had posted on someone's thread last week that an old ex-bf I used to be really close with got married in April and I just knew that any day now he'd get his new wife KU and I'd probably explode with rage. Guess what? That shit happened today. What the shit? I am probably going to delete my FB account pretty soon. I don't think I can handle it anymore. If you're keeping count there are now 5 people in my life who are expecting their first child in March.

BunnyBerry · August 2014

@LLM100811 I totally agree, the best way to feel better about other people's kids is to focus on all their flaws.

@kmdecoux Oh, that is sooo wrong.

Sorry about that.

@champs28 Oh no, what a disappointment. I hope you find a name that you love even better!

@theholmanherd I'm so sorry, caretakers have such a burden, physically and emotionally. I hope you are able to find some of that time alone that you need.

@ttcbabyj Amen!

I thank God every day that he has helped to calm the pain and jealousy of IF for all these years. It feels so good to know that it's not actually in our control whether or not we have a child, and either way God is still going to be there for us and knows my heart and how to heal it.

@buttmonkey34 3 days to beta, 3 days to beta!!

@jencity9 You are a saint. How do counselors set aside their own needs to their clients like that day in and day out? You have a very special gift. That young lady is going to learn quickly that you know what you are talking about, for sure!

@alaskadee23 It's so unfair, no matter how much we decide that we're cool, TWW isn't a big deal...suddenly it takes over our minds! I hope AF shows up so you can escape that awful place.

@ronniesgirl1981 Ugh, that's a terrible Sunday. Glad YH knows what to do when you're ugly crying.

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

@kmdecoux‌ I am with you 1000%. I caught my best friend up on my cancelled IVF #2. She didn't respond. I know she and her husband were going to start trying soon, so I KNOW what her silence means. She is someone close enough to me that I won't struggle to be excited for them, but it still stings. I suspect she was waiting to see if IVF #2 worked before telling me and now she doesn't know what to do. She only has a couple more days and then I'll call her out.

wanderlust508 · August 2014

@BlueJoan - BIG (((HUGS))) to you. Ugh, how annoying! I think I would feel the same way if my high school nemesis posted a baby picture. Luckily I'm not friends with any of the girls I disliked in HS ....but it sounds like you aren't friends with her, you just got an alert when 1 of your friends liked her pic. FB puts me in similar situations all the time. I really think I need to take a FB break for a while to keep from running across such difficult news on a daily basis! And I've been drinking for the last 3 nights ....it has been so nice and helped a lot! I don't advocate drinking everyday, but I DO encourage you to have that huge glass of wine. You deserve it!

LindseyM2012 · August 2014

I have a very late OMC Monday post:

I fell into major hysterics last night. I sometimes notice my husband noticing other women and it bothers me SO much. I realize that men cannot help it and I absolutely know he is not looking because he wants to stray, but in my little mostly-logical-but-sometimes-irrational mind I should be the only one he notices because he is the only one that I ever notice. I often find myself wondering if these women have fertility issues. Then I start thinking how another woman was able to give my husband his son.

On top of this, I had to block yet another person from my FB because of a pregnancy announcement. My husband wants more kids so much. First he was waiting for us to get married, then he was waiting for me to get ready, now he is waiting for me to be able to get pregnant. He's a patient man. He is a great man. This infertility stuff is really messing with my mind. I mean REALLY messing with my mind. I had to take today off of work to be sad and get my head right.

theholmanherd · August 2014

I'm sorry, @LindseyM2012. When you say another woman gave him a child, does he already have a kid? You can't compare yourself to other women. Especially hypothetical women who just happened to stroll by. He is married to YOU. He loves you and wants children with YOU. I know it's hard when jealousy and fear of inadequacy try to bite you, but take comfort in your husband. He sounds like a wonderful man.

LindseyM2012 · August 2014

Thank you @rainbowbridge14 & @theholmanherd. Yes, he does have a son from a previous relationship. And what you are saying is exactly what he told me last night. I try to not compare myself to others and reign in the feelings of inadequacy but sometimes I just get overwhelmed.

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

@LindseyM2012‌ I totally agree with @theholmanherd‌. Every now and then I have this thought that my husband could probably knock another woman up easily. But I bite my tongue on saying it. He picked me and it would piss me off if we had MFI and he spoke that way. Big hugs to you!

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