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A boy named "cuatro"?

Ralphie2015Ralphie2015 member
in Baby Names

HELP!  My DH and I are having a difficult time coming to a compromise about a boy name.  We are expecting our first and not finding out the gender.  However, his family has a tradition of naming the first born son the same thing....my husband is a third.  My DH has ran into many problems with being a third, between legal documents, banking, travel, not to mention the family pressure.  My FIL is a very condescending and controlling man who regularly reminds my DH that he has "not lived up to his namesake".  (That is just the tip of the iceberg with my FIL)  Needless to say, I do not want our child to have to deal with this kind of pressure. 

My DH and I (I thought) had compromised on a way to honor both his family and my family.  We were going to take his middle name as the first name and my grandfathers first name as the middle name.  That way it incorporates both of our families and eliminates the pressure of "living up to a namesake".  The other day, I asked my DH when he was going to talk to his dad about the decision we had made, and he suddenly back-pedaled and said that we should just legally have the LO's name as "the fourth" and carry on their tradition, but then call it whatever we wanted as a nick name.  I am 99% sure that this reaction was out of fear.  Nobody in the family stands up to my FIL or do ever does against his wishes..  I was totally blindsided because I thought that we had made a decision that we both agreed on....guess not. 

So now, I am kind of stuck as to what to do.  I am not OK with continuing this tradition and jokingly said that I would be forced to call the baby "cuatro" as a nick name.  Since we are not finding out the gender, do we just wait to find out when the baby comes and then make the announcement then?  Do we try to mentally prepare my IL's that we are going to be starting our own family tradition?  To those of you who have been in this situation before, what happened?  Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to put that kind of pressure on our child? 

Thank you for any advice you can offer....

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Re: A boy named "cuatro"?

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  • CoconutheadCoconuthead member
    I am a little confused. Why does your DH need his father's approval on the name for your baby? The name of your child is a matter concerning you and your husband. Of course I do not understand your family's situation but to me it seems absurd that your DH should be scared of whether your FIL approves of your name choice.

    I did get a few comments regarding my name choice from my family while I was pregnant, I did not let them dissuade me. Our (mine and my DH's) baby, our choice. Next time around I think we will keep the name to ourselves until our baby is born, if someone is pestering me for the name I will simply say something like: "It isn't finalized".

    Sorry for the rant but this situation makes me ragey. And no you aren't off base to want to shy away from this tradition, especially considering the grief it has brought your DH.
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  • Ralphie2015Ralphie2015 member

     Thank you for your input, feeling a little less crazy now. It's not that my DH needs my FIL approval, I think that he is just afraid to rock the boat with him and the potential repercussions. After reading your comments, I think that we will just wait until I give birth and deal with it then. Who knows, it could always be a girl and then we won't have any problems :). 

    @vineheart137, we have been working on setting boundaries with them since day one, it is an ongoing battle...

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  • queenbonequeenbone member
    I want to stress that you are entitled to tell your H that you do not want to name the baby after the namesakes. He can say no to his dad, and you can say no to him.
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  • le bebe xole bebe xo member
    Your FIL had his chance to name kids, he doesn't get a vote now. Overbearing personalities that try to throw their weight around really get to me. Sorry (not really), but this guy sounds like an asshole... telling your DH he hasn't lived up to his name? Who in the world says this to their own child. Finding the courage to break tradition might be hard, but I don't think it will be a decision that you both would ever regret.
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  • biaher16biaher16 member
    I would not think twice about it you need to be firm with your husband and have a serious convo with him . Like others said I would evaluate how my child will interact with a father in law like that. I don't do well with controlling people and honestly its your baby you get to make the rules not others.
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  • catahoulattecatahoulatte member
    edited August 2014
    LMAO at talk to his dad about the decision. Nope, DH, that's not how decisions within a marriage work. I think you guys came up with a great compromise that makes both of you happy, and that's it. No need to have any kind of conversation with FIL about it.

    ETA: I am sorry that you guys have to deal with an overbearing somewhat jerk of a father figure.
                                       
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  • Ralphie2015Ralphie2015 member
    edited August 2014

    @le_bebe_xo - I am going to remind my DH that his dad had an opportunity to name their kids and have their own family and we deserve the same opportunity.  that is a great point and I need all of the backup that I can get. My FIL is so controlling and it has been a constant struggle to keep boundaries in tact and have him understand/acknowledge that we are adults who will make our own decisions. The condescending attitude he has towards his own kids scares the crap out of me and I am just hoping that by the time this baby can comprehend, my FIL will be retired and moved away by then. Fingers crossed?

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  • le bebe xole bebe xo member
    @Ralphie2015‌ you got this, sister. It's true: when you are faced w tough decisions, just think of your baby. Putting baby first, you'll never go wrong. Not to get too Dr Phil here, but you can't control FIL. He's a mean old guy. He's not going to change. What you *can* change is your reaction to him (don't be afraid of him, be sad for him). He is succeeding in pushing his fam away :-/
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  • LtlAngLLtlAngL member
    I'm a huge fan of not telling anyone what a child's name is prior to it being born. Both people in a relationship have to agree on a name or it's a no-go. If I was you, I'd actually be pretty angry about my family legacy not being honored. Who knows if you'll have another opportunity to name a child after your own family member. Besides, what is the real consequence of naming your child something else? No one is going to beat you up. If FIL doesn't want to talk to you for a while, who cares. It sounds like you guys would be better off.


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  • ninjette04ninjette04 member
    As someone who has gone through this, I say talk to your husband and tell him you DON'T want the baby to be named after him.

    It's a pain, as you know legally sometimes. You don't want your soon to have to deal with that.
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