You know you have a newborn when...

Pinksundrops · August 2014

ETA: Took me awhile to figure out formatting and also make sure this hasn't been done before. It has. But not since June! So I figure all us moms who've had babies since can join in the fun

. I started by commenting below.

Pinksundrops · August 2014

You start resorting solely to emoticons to communicate via text.

You smell like milk at the end of the day and again when you wake up.

You sway back and forth even when you're not holding your LO.

You hear phantom cries whenever you can't directly see your LO.

You have pads keeping fluids from overflowing everywhere.

emineminem · August 2014

You're too tired to come up with anything original but you could have written the previous post.

Oh, and you have wet splotches on your clothes that are either breast milk, spit up breast milk, or peed out breast milk- and you don't bother to change.

Nichole8787 · August 2014

Your reaDing this at 3:20 am

seells · August 2014

You're reading this at 1am and typing one handed.

Nichole8787 · August 2014

Seeing someone sleep soundly can fill you with pure putrid jealousy

shortstack930 · August 2014

You're reading this at 3:40am with a baby attached to your boob.

You have no concept of modesty anymore and basically walk around topless for convenience.

You should own stock in Pampers with the way you spend money on them.

You cherish that 15 minutes you get to shower (when you actually manage to get it).

You're more interested in picking out the baby's outfit than your own.

More than four hours of sleep in one stretch seems like heaven.

TwizzyG · August 2014

A main topic of conversation is poop.

You've been spit up on a few times...and you're still in the same outfit cause you don't care anymore.

Pajamas are a staple in your wardrobe.

You spend 20 minutes deciding whether or not it's worth the effort to try and leave the house.

Your parents call to check on the baby. They used to call to check on you.

You're jealous of your baby's wardrobe.

You've never had a better reason to be exhausted.

RKSnyder · August 2014

You keep score with your husband of whose turn it is to do ______ for the baby - and use maternity leave to point out you "did it all day".

A nice meal at home means using plates and not just eating out of to-go containers.

You feel the sheer volume of stuff in your house quadrupled overnight.

You have certain shirts that were washed in baby detergent so you could just throw in that one item you really needed with the baby stuff you had to get done.

And lastly, you are typing this at some forsaken hour with a baby in your lap that you just got to sleep and your scared to move an inch for fear of waking her up and causing the crying to begin again!

livkight · August 2014

You can't wait until she goes down for a nap, but once she's asleep, you miss her.

Your (unwashed) hair has a permanent ponytail crease.

Your husband is used to scrounging in the fridge for dinner and expects nothing more.

darkangel42 · August 2014

You can now type, eat, dress, wash and pretty much everything else one-handed.

I didn't say you could do it well.

You gently rock the shopping cart...even though your LO is with someone else. You also gently rock your laptop, your pet and the pile of laundry you were carrying when someone distracted you.

You feel like you should get your eyes tested because all you see is a sea of pink/blue/neutral (delete as appropriate).

You wash everything in gentle detergent because sorting laundry requires time you don't have.

You're thrilled that you got you and LO washed, fed, dressed, packed and into the car ready to go...only to realise you're 4 hours late OR you get there on time only to realise you forgot to bring a binky so LO screams until you leave.

Doesn't matter what it is, it can be cleaned with a wet wipe.

Ekg688 · August 2014

All of these PLUS

You totally forgot to restock the diaper bag with more diapers. You pray that LO wont blow through the two you have left. You can't bring yourself to buy more because you have 157,435 of size whatever at home.

You have 3 "going out" outfits because nothing fits/ease of nursing/no time, money, energy, or will-power to go shopping for new things that fit.

You look back at hospital pictures that were only taken weeks ago and you ugly cry because your little nugget looks nothing like that anymore.

ghostof5letters · August 2014

You rock the RnP with your big toe even when it's empty

ghostof5letters · August 2014

Your boobs have hung out so often that your toddler describes her mosquito bites as "nipples all over my legs"

darkangel42 · August 2014

You totally forget boundaries and answer all your friend's kid's baby questions (oops)

ETA: I blame sleep deprivation for this one ^

Prncesta · August 2014

Pinksundrops said:
You start resorting solely to emoticons to communicate via text.

You smell like milk at the end of the day and again when you wake up.

You sway back and forth even when you're not holding your LO.

You hear phantom cries whenever you can't directly see your LO.

You have pads keeping fluids from overflowing everywhere.

This. Especially the swaying back and fourth thing. So awkward. And of course just smelling like milk and spit up constantly. Yum.

INmommy871278 · August 2014

You become ambidextrous when you have never been. My mom actually pointed that out to me, I'm a lefty and ate dinner with my right hand Saturday evening while nursing DD and I didn't even realize I was using my right hand.

When your sleeping, hear a whimper from the RNP and pray that she doesn't wake up because you just dozed off.

Jbosarge85 · August 2014

You have a hundred or more pictures of lo on your phone. 98% of them are of lo sleeping with mouth hanging open.

jensavicci · August 2014

When the only reason ppl ever call anymore is to see if they can come see the baby.

When you're afraid that anything and everything is out to hurt your tiny human so certain objects become a threat. "Don't put that coffee mug too close to him! It might slide all the way across the coffee table, fall on him and break."

When you take a mirror down there and she just looks exhausted from all that pushing.

When even the softest noises make you stabby because you know your baby is about to fall asleep.

And you know you have kids in general when you slowly start going from Jen or Aunt Jen or Mrs. Jensavicci to "Sean's mom" or "Emma's mom".

Nichole8787 · August 2014

You know you need help but won't give up baby to Any of the million family members that have offered.

jensavicci · August 2014

When you get excited and territorial to see other ppl come visit. Excited because people do exist aside from your baby. Territorial because the outside world brings in thing that could hurt your baby. Like germs. And stupid people.

kwh33ls · August 2014

You have to delete apps from your phone to make room for all the pictures.

You and your SO rarely eat together, because someone has to hold and entertain the baby.

Meals consist of cereal or sandwiches.

Showering requires a white noise app, a vibrating chair, and luck.

darkangel42 · August 2014

When you get ready to go out bt forget to wear something nursing-practical so you just hike your dress up (hey, it's your living room) and then the UPS guy turns up and has to pretend not to look through your ALL GLASS door while you attempt to do something, anything to make yourself presentable enough to answer the door.

ADC1979 · August 2014

You feel like a weird member of the X-Men because your special power is your boobs ability to detect hungry baby cries over the sound of loud shower water. When you're about to fall asleep and the baby makes a teeny tiny sleep noise and one of your eyes flies open like you just detected a Hobbit trying to steal treasure from you.

darkangel42 · August 2014

ADC1979 said:

You feel like a weird member of the X-Men because your special power is your boobs ability to detect hungry baby cries over the sound of loud shower water. When you're about to fall asleep and the baby makes a teeny tiny sleep noise and one of your eyes flies open like you just detected a Hobbit trying to steal treasure from you.

When the LO gets bigger, this morphs into the ability to tell when they're about to do something bad or dangerous even from up to a half-mile away and ninja-like reflexes when you catch them before their topple has even registered with nearby non-parents.

emeek · August 2014

When you can't leave the house by yourself because you need an extra person to help carry all the stuff you think you need to take with you

brewbecks · August 2014

You never know where your phone is and or don't care anymore because it's just people calling to ask about the baby and more people wanting to come visit when you just want to nap!

You take days to respond to people via email, text, or phone call!

You stop eating because the baby is always eating and you no longer have time to feed yourself!

Megan Hoyt · August 2014

You can't get out of the house by yourself before 2 pm.

It takes 4 hours to watch a 2 hour movie with your husband that you rented.

Your vagina is wrecked. And so is your stomach. Oh yeah, boobs too.

darkangel42 · August 2014

Your radio pre-sets are based on "what baby likes" (mine likes country music).

You tell him how nummy-nummy his dinner is as you set his bowl of kibbles down because you're still in baby mode when feeding the cat.

Jbosarge85 · August 2014

@cko521‌ my daughter is terrified of static. Anytime she hears it even for just 2seconds she has a complete meltdown

mamaloaf · August 2014

When you never post on the bump anymore

Nichole8787 · August 2014

When you are dripping breast milk so profusely that you desperately grab a cup and shove it under your boob to catch it because it's the only thing near....whatever I've already established I'm a breast milk savage

Tbags83 · August 2014

When you throw on a zip up hoodie to cover up in 100 degree weather because your neighbor came over to check on you and you aren't wearing a bra and are leaking everywhere.

RKSnyder · August 2014

Thought of more-

When you go from being elbow deep in a poopy diaper to eating the next minute without a second thought

When you realize you have slept in a rocking armchair more than one night in a row and kept rocking throughout the whole night

darkangel42 · August 2014

When you got up at 8, made a mental list of all the stuff you had to do, did *some* of it and it's now gone noon but you're still in the house.

Nichole8787 · August 2014

When you've been"getting ready" for 45 minutes but all that has been accomplished if your face is washed, hair is in a pony tail and robe is off....instead of being fully dressed your sitting on a yoga ball rocking and nurSing your baby....

unaveragejane · August 2014

Not only is the Hobbit stealing your treasure, but he also left you with his toenails bc it is nigh impossible to trim or paint them while holding a baby.

mrscutforth · August 2014

You haven't shaved your legs since before baby was born. DD is month today and I just shaved.

You are constantly adjusting your nursing bras.

You debate whether to not to shower before going to bed after BFing you baby. because you know the sleep time is valuable for yourself.

You hear phantom cries while in said shower but get out to realize she is sound asleep.

TexasGirl81 · August 2014

You take a shower almost at midnight because it's the only possible way now that everyone is down for the night.

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