Vent: Work Hostilities

lincoln79 · August 2014

I am a professor in a Department that has never had a maternity leave. Ever. (Yes it is 2014).

I work with mostly men and am facing a lot of hostility.

I just came in to work to finish my syllabus and try to work with others about transitioning my courses in November and I am already in my office with the door shut in tears.

Anyone else experiencing this?

How are you handling it?

Dumbgurl04 · August 2014

WOW i'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Completley awful and how lacking in the times your work place is. While I'm not facing any hostility at work (even though our work force is about 85% men) we do have a form of leave that can be taken you just have to have a ton of paperwork filled out by your doctor. Hope you are able to get everything worked out

Love4Science · August 2014

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It's amazing how easily men can forget what it was like for their wives (or maybe these guys didn't pay that much attention when their wives had kids; or they don't have kids...). My suggestion would be to get HR involved and let them fight the battle for you. This doesn't sound like one you'll easily win on your own and sometimes it's not worth stressing out about it.

missnacholover · August 2014

Awww man, that sucks.

I haven't had anything like that but I am very nervous about asking them to figure out a room for me to pump in.

runningmama14 · August 2014

My boss has never dealt with a salaried employee taking maternity leave and I'm dealing with stupid stuff too. So frustrating. I'm so sorry.

phdprocrastinator · August 2014

I'm getting my Ph.D. in special education - a field with many women - and it's amazing to me the attitude of some professors about maternity leave. Our school has a great policy for students (you pause your normative time clock for up to two semesters with no penalties regarding funding, etc. - for both moms and dads), but many professors seem to think that new parents should suck it up. They take the attitude like "If I had to suffer you should, too. And if you don't, you're not a serious academic."

Meanwhile, I have to bite my tongue to stop from making snippy comments about what they think I should do instead. Like, do you really recommend I wait until I'm a new professor? Like taking leave in the first couple years won't get a negative reaction.

It's so, so, so annoying. I've heard of it happening everywhere. I would definitely document everything in writing to show that you've done all you can to make sure the transition is smooth.

Best of luck to you!

cvoss0918 · August 2014

That's awful! I'm so sorry that you're dealing with that. I thought I had it bad. We have a small office where everyone is "equal" but unfortunately there's some people who think that they're not and say well if she takes off for 2 hours to go to the doctors, I should be able to not come in to work for 2 days because I'm tired or stressed.

silverwings72 · August 2014

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am the second woman to go on maternity leave, the first in 35 years at my branch. Even discussing benefits and leave has been like pulling teeth. They have no idea how much anxiety this brings us. Hang in there, Mama!

KMW08 · August 2014

Sorry love. (((Hugs))) I hate that this is added stress for you. Have you looked into your state laws? Does your HR have anything in place? I would make a copy of them and place it in every single one of those assholes' mailboxes/doors that are being hostile about it. If I was closer I would come kick every single one of them in the balls.

kstirton · August 2014

My transitioning is going to be weird. They have already started slowly re-assigning responsibilities to the point where I'm just a little bored. First week of Sept my "temp" replacement comes in so I can train her ... their goal is to slowly transition me out of my role at service coordinator so towards the end I'm really only doing data entry, they think this will be easier and less stressful for me in the final weeks. I'm thankful for it but it's also a really weird feeling. Like being replaced. My boss has sworn up and down that it is NOT the case and there are no alternative motives, but I am just really surprised that I'm having to train someone on a job that usually takes a YEAR to fully learn, for the 3 months I'll be gone. Oh well. I keep reminding myself this is for mine AND my babies benefit and the thing I need to be focused on right now is birthing a healthy baby girl come November.

lincoln79 · August 2014

HR is worthless. I faced hostility after having a miscarriage (because I took two days off) and I went to HR to inquire about processes. Essentially, they told me that since there is no code of conduct between faculty members, then I have no recourse.

I only have one more year before tenure, and I can't afford to rock the boat too much. After tenure, I have a job for life and I am not going to take sh*t like this anymore.

Thanks for the support ladies. I can't believe I am dealing with this in 2014.

snarkylibrarian · August 2014

Ugh, so terrible. I just noticed you posted this after I posted a thread about work hostilities. I am sorry you have to go through this. I work in a female-dominated workplace and I hate to say it, but my treatment isn't much better. Most women that I work with either chose not to have kids or stayed home with them and got jobs later, so they are not very accommodating and I had a coworker who had to fight for breaks to pump. BOOOO. I guess, take heart in the fact that even though this is difficult, you are breaking them in, so that they know what to do the next time this happens. Keep asserting your rights! I know I always look to my coworker who fought for pumping breaks for guidance and am grateful that she didn't back down. Now we have a room where we can pump undisturbed thanks to her!

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