DH vent

Ally1177 · August 2014

Ok, not really looking for advice, just need to vent. DH was gone on business from last Sunday to Friday. When he got back, I was at CD12 with no positive OPK. We did the BD on Friday, however, he did not "seal the deal" so to speak. Now yesterday (CD13) I received a positive OPK (YAY!) - tried to BD today and again, no sealing of the deal. I don't think it is anxiety, because he claims to not even realize that I was O or close to it. I try not to tell him because I know it can effect his performance. This has happened different times throughout the 8 or so months that we have been TTC and it is frustrating. I get so excited that it might be "the month" and then he can't deliver the goods... He claims he is tired, but I'm starting to get a complex about the whole thing!

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marijaa333 · August 2014

Bah, I totally hear you! It truly has nothing to do with you, so don't let those thoughts fester for a minute!

My husband doesn't do well under any sort of pressure, but otherwise he's completely fine. It helps if he has had enough rest the night before, and that he is in a relatively good mood.

What I've resorted to this month is just saying a week in advance: "next Saturday morning, we should leave a little extra time to get out of bed; *wink*" He rolls his eyes about the fact I'm taking all the romance out of it, but now he has a week to get over it. Knowing him, he'll have some time without pressure to realize that timing is important, and I can bet he will be the one initiating come Saturday morning. I'll report back...

CML11 · August 2014

Have you talked about Cialis? May want to have him talk to his doc about it. It's more of a common issue that you may think. Good luck!

hooligans4 · August 2014

I feel your pain sister.
Is he having trouble keeping his erection or orgasming (not really sure how to spell that or if it's even a word). Cialis will only help him get an erection. Unfortunately my husband has had trouble with both at different times. His is stress related so even with Cialis sometimes he can't finish.
Yes it is frustrating but there is nothing we can do about it.
But if he continues to have the problem encourage him to see his doctor.

Ally1177 · August 2014

No problem with an erection, he just doesn't finish.

KateLouise · August 2014

I don't have any experience with this, but I can imagine it must be super frustrating for you.

Has he had issues with climaxing in the past? Assuming that he hasn't I wonder if there could be some reluctance towards parenthood on his part. Maybe nothing really overt, or that he even realises himself, but maybe underlying stress about becoming a parent that is at the back of his mind, like will he make a good Dad, that kind of thing?

Just a theory with absolutely no scientific backing.

Either way best wishes with your TTC.

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

i know this must be a sensitive issue for the men that deal with it.

Have you guys talked about it at all? Im with KateLouise on wondering if its a TTC timing issue......stress on his part. Worry and all that.

Would he be opposed to a visit to the dr and a physical to make sure all is well?

Hugs.

Ally1177 · August 2014

Not a new issue really, but probably just illuminated more since we are TTC. I've brought it up but in a way that asks if I am doing anything wrong because I'm afraid that saying "you know, we're trying to have a baby, right!?" would only make things worse. He claims to not know what's going on with my cycle. In fact, he mentioned that he thought we were way past the window to conceive because I'd had my period "so long ago". LOL I'm trying to encourage him to start exercising, because he claims he is tired a lot but other than that, I'm at a loss for anything that I can do myself. I'll bring up the doctor to him and see what he thinks. Thanks ladies!

lgsdesigner · August 2014

It looks like you already have a lot of great comments, but I wanted to add this:

Since he is claiming he is tired, maybe pre-BDing you two can unwind a little. Have some wine. Cuddle. Maybe wear something really hot for him so he is even more aroused than normal. Just switch things up a bit.

Here is the TMI portion (so stop reading if you are sex-sensitive)--

Give him oral first. A nice long oral session to get him almost there. Then-- climb on top of him (since he is tired) and get "the goods". This is how I got pg with my 2nd child because my ex-husband was exhausted.

GL!

kelley72 · August 2014

Oh @Ally1177 I'm so sorry I didn't respond prior to now. Yes, Cialis assists with erection, but does nothing for orgasm. Thus frustration for us ttcers! I feel you, my dh and I deal with this issue as well. This pas fertile cycle we only successfully had intercourse one time, but we had sex multiple times. Without sperm no pregnancy will be achieved obviously.

I have had to calm myself particularly during my fertile days. I am typically easily aroused and my dh is so loving, but if I exhibit any frustration whatsoever he is heavily impacted during it. Wearing lingerie, talking dirty, playful flirting, etc all help him know I am ready, but sometimes for us it is his physical liabilities which wreck our plans and then he also gets frustrated. I wish you well and just want you to know you aren't the only one experiencing this difficult issue. I did find while ttc my youngest that I had several cycles where we didn't have sex at all during the fertile period- we were able to achieve a healthy pregnancy (now 5months old), but it took 13 months. I wish you well!

Davie813 · August 2014

I'm sorry you're dealing with this! I think all the suggestions you've gotten (a physical and more rest--if it's possible--for DH, getting his possible anxieties about parenthood on the table, and so on) are good.

I also agree that @lgsdesigner's suggestion of getting him almost ready to ejaculate before you get started is worth a try. Since saliva isn't good for sperm, though, you might want to be--mindful of that--if he has any issues with quality or count.

Good luck!

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