Intro/not sure if I should be here

jmhansen11 · August 2014

Hi gals,

After hanging out in my birth month club for a while, I realized that I really connected with what a lot of ladies who were PGAL were saying going through, especially with regard to fear/anxiety about being excited or happy/telling people/"jinxing" it.

DH and I found out after a year of trying that he has azoospermia (no sperm). We went through/still go through mourning of the child we feel we lost- that was supposed to come from both of us. I also have diminished ovarian reserve (even though I'm only 29) and luteal phase problems. We had 4 failed and 1 cancelled IUI before IVF. We recently got pg with donor sperm and IVF.

Basically, the way we've come to deal with our loss/mourn what we've been through and come to terms is that we feel like we lost the baby we always dreamed we would have (with daddy's nose and mommys eyes etc). We also felt like every failed IUI was a loss. We had names picked out for our kids before we ever TTC and we decided we wouldn't use those names anymore.

Please let me know if I'm out of line being here, as I don't want to be insensitive to women who've actually achieved a pregnancy and lost it, or claim that the loss I've felt is the same as what you've felt (though I can say, the pain has brought me some of the darkest days of my life.)

I've found the mantras particularly helpful. And just to share one I came up with for myself the other day:

Today I am someone's mommy, and
I need to take care of my baby by loving and taking care of myself.

Anyway, I'll probably lurk around a bit more, but wanted to give full disclosure that my feeling PGAL isn't quite the same as everyone else.

pblge · August 2014

I definitely see where you're coming from. I don't know how most ladies would feel about you posting here, but it doesn't seem to me personally like this would be the best board for you. I don't have a strong objection to you posting, though. Have you checked out the Third Party Reproduction board? They're super supportive and having women at all stages of TTC and pregnancy. Most of the women there have gone through the same process as you--they've had to give up on the dream of a child that comes equally from them and their partner. I do think that's a different process than watching your body fail to carry a pregnancy (or multiple pregnancies), or losing babies, but that's just my opinion.

Congratulations!

jmhansen11 · August 2014

Thank you, I will check out the Third Party board- that does seem like a more appropriate place. There are IVF boards, but I feel like IVF with your own eggs/DH sperm is a little different than coming to terms with/making the choice to use donor sperm and never have our own bio baby.

pblge · August 2014

jmhansen11 said:

Thank you, I will check out the Third Party board- that does seem like a more appropriate place. There are IVF boards, but I feel like IVF with your own eggs/DH sperm is a little different than coming to terms with/making the choice to use donor sperm and never have our own bio baby.

Understand. The Pregnant After IF does include a lot of women who used donor materials, too, so you could try intro-ing there to see how comfortable it would feel.

jmhansen11 · August 2014

^^ thank you ^^

jmhansen11 · August 2014

Thanks again- I didn't see the Third Party Repro board before (except through link above) so I appreciate! I'll be signing off and GL to the rest of you ladies.

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