What RE appts does your SO attend?

.Mrs.Matt. · August 2014

Good morning, everyone! I haven't seen this question for a while - but feel free to point me to a related post if I've missed it! I'm very curious to know when your SO attends your RE appts with you. I seem to always be the only single lady in the waiting area, and often feel like I don't want to impose on DH's work schedule by asking him to come to my appts with me. It is very easy for me to disappear from work for a couple of hours, not so much for him.

I have, however, felt really down/more emotional when I've had IUI done and simply gone back to work or gone home alone. Yesterday, DH came with me to my IUI, but I told him he could wait in the waiting room if it made him more comfortable. I think we both felt like just being in the building together made a huge difference, but we're both thinking it would be even better for him to be with me through the appointment.

For his sake, I would love some info from everyone here. I think he just doesn't want to impose on the appointment - but obviously at this point I'm starting to feel like both partners seem to come to every appointment at my RE office.

Please share when your SO attends, or how you determine when/if that happens. Thanks!

jencity9 · August 2014

In then very beginning he came to everything. But then when I did IUIs he only came if he happened to be off that day (Thursdays and Saturdays) and then he would come even if it was just a monitoring appt. He was at one or two IUIs because they fell on a day he was off. My sis came to one IUI and I did at least one by myself and then just went to work. With IVF he came to the consult but I did all monitoring by myself, the mock transfer, and the pre-op. Then he was at ER and ET.

BethKate2 · August 2014

My H works over an hour from home, and it just doesn't usually make sense for him to come to appts. with me. So far, I've gone to the initial consultation, 3 blood work/ultra sound appts, and my HSG alone. Our follow-up consultation is Sept. 2nd, and we'll be coming up with a plan, so he'll probably be at that one. Other than that, he likely won't come to any other appts. with me unless it's a procedure where I would need him to drive me afterwards.

shirleymaeby · August 2014

Luckily DH is a freelance artist so he's available all the time. I've offered to let him sit out the monitoring appointments but he says he likes seeing my huge follicles.

He always comes to the IUI appointments with me too. I thought he'd be uncomfortable being in the room while all of that was going on but he's totally okay with it and I feel so much better with him there to hold my hand.

Tiko99 · August 2014

My DH works 12 hour days Monday-Friday, but some Saturdays so he comes with me if I have a Saturday/Sunday appointment. I've gone to all my IUI's alone and felt a little lonely seeing other men in the waiting room with their wives/girlfriends, but he's has to work and just doesn't have a flexible schedule.

theholmanherd · August 2014

When my H and I eventually start IVF (we're saving for it), he will only go to the appointment for his portion of it. The new job he's getting means he's constantly on-call and will be gone 2-3 days a week, so I doubt he will accompany me for other appointments. If you're asking what you should do, I would say do what feels comfortable for you. If he can't come, bring your mom like you did before.

gsancho · August 2014

DH works kinda far, so he's only come for IUIs (we were always lucky to have them on a weekends) and the IVF ER and ET. He's come to two RE consults, but usually it's just me. We talk a lot before and after the appt so I don't mind going on my own to the WTF meetings.

Hollowvic · August 2014

I've gone to every appointment alone. H only came with me to sign paperwork. I didn't think much of it until I started seeing a lot of other couples in the waiting room. The morning of my IUI I went alone and my H showed up and surprised me, he was working close by. I will say, I see more women alone though.

.Mrs.Matt. · August 2014

Thanks, everyone!! It is awesome to hear how many of your DH's are involved in your appointments. DH and I were talking last night, and we agreed I have two very different sides of my personality (at home - I depend on him a lot and need his attention/support, at work and outside of the home - I tend to be fiercely independent and rely on myself). So I've been conflicted about needing him with me at appointments, but I'm realizing now that I need the support.

I think he's also starting to realize how much I've been doing over the last year to make this happen, and feels a bit guilty that he only needs to provide a sample every once in a while!

Long story short - thank you for your replies! Hopefully we all have a good reason very soon to stop going to the RE at all!

lebradford · August 2014

He very rarely comes to monitoring appointments. However, he comes to all of the consult appointments (which is non-negotiable for me) and all IUIs (which I strongly prefer, but if he had a good reason to miss one, I'd get over it.

**loss mentioned **
He also came to all of the early pregnancy ultrasounds, which was nice because I was terrified something would be wrong (and it was). He also came when I got my MTX injection, for moral support.

**

When we do IVF I would want him there for both ER & ET. Even though he doesn't *need* to be at IUI or ET day, it's pretty important to me that we do this together as much as possible.

kristyn831 · August 2014

DH was on a trip during the initial consultation (he had already done SA and I had HSG which he came to). He comes with me for the IUIs (he says he wants to be there for the conception of our child, lol). He came to the follow up to discuss IVF/ICSI. I go to most, if not all, of my monitoring ultrasounds and bloodwork by myself.

Hollowvic · August 2014

@lebradford‌ when we do IVF my H will come for the ER and ET as well!!! At this point I need his support.

Champs28 · August 2014

In started out having DH come to everything. Then came the HSG- I was told it was routine and no big deal so I told him not to come. Big mistake. It was terribly painful and while I was still on the table/in stirrups, my RE told me about all of my issues and that I needed surgery. This was incredibly hard and made worse by being alone at the appt.

Since then, and since i needed surgery, he's come to everything again. Obviously not like blood work - but all consults. And when i hopefully start an ovulation drug this fall, he will come to as many of those as possible. I'm lucky bc he works close to home and to our REs office. It was very scary to receive such bad news w/o him. Not to mention that it helps having him hear news first hand so I don't have to re tell it.

Kcheese · August 2014

DH came to the initial consult. So far we have only done IUIs. I'm usually in & out & then on my way to work, so he hasn't came to any of the monitoring/IUIs. They are just so quick it seems like a waste as I don't really need him to do anything. I also have not accompanied him to any of his appointments for the sperm samples since they are about 1 & 1/2 prior to my appointments for insemination. When we do IVF he will likely come to the education day, ER, & ET.

aves0708 · August 2014

DH only ever came to the initial consult appointment back in Jan. He works an hour away from our clinic so for our IUI, he went in early at like 8, did his thing then went to work, and then I went in 9. I only work 15 min from the clinic so it's much easier for me to work the appointments into my schedule, and the regular monitoring appointments I can get in before work. Even for my HSG, and both saline's I went alone. He offered to come with me, but that would mean he would have to take a vacation day, and I rather him save his days for appointments when we are, hopefully, actually pregnant.

SweetieShellieH · August 2014

My DH comes with me to appointments where we'll speak to the RE, and if I have monitoring on the weekend, he'll come with me too. If it is during the week and I'm going in for monitoring or IUI, he's working so doesn't come (he'll drop his sample off before work). Although if we ever have to move to IVF, he says he'll come with me to ER & ET.

Chasity08 · August 2014

DH went to our initial consult, and he said he will try to come to the IUIs if his work permits, but my hsg and blood work and such I go by myself. I usually get them done right when they open at 7 AM and then head straight to work after. It would be nice if he were there all the time but I know it's just not feasible with his job.

BunnyBerry · August 2014

First off, I want to say that there is no wrong or right way. Maybe for some people, it reduces the stress to make appts feel like not such a big deal, and not take off work if possible.

MH didn't come to my first consult because he wasn't feeling quite ready for treatment. Once I went and starting testing, suddenly it felt more real to him and he started becoming more involved. That was fine for me, but I know the RE was surprised not to see MH that day.

For me, DH at my appointments (especially the IUI) makes things waaay more stressful! He is notorious for not understanding my feelings and just overall being difficult or talking about stressful things when I'm having a tough time, I think it's his way of coping and acting like everything is normal!

However, I always want him there (and he now wants to come every time) because I want to make sure he appreciates exactly how much I am going through. I want to keep this process very real for him, and if it's time for us to move to IVF, I don't want him to think that it would be no big deal to do a few more IUIs. I also want him to be more gentle and understanding if I have stress, and I think being at those appointments helps him understand why I feel so overwhelmed at times.

That said, I go for bloodwork and US's on my own for the most part.

Perhaps you could sit down with your DH and ask him if he has any preference, and what his reasons are, and them maybe think about what your preference would be? I know for the IUI part, because it's potentially the moment of conception, I'm kind of traditional that way and like to have MH there. But, it's always possible that MH will have to go take an exam or something on IUI day and then I'd just have to deal with it.

I hadn't thought about what PPs said, that if/once we get a BFP, I'm going to want him at a lot more appointments! But, it's hard to believe that day is coming...

Pintobean39 · August 2014

My husband only comes to the appts that we have to talk to the RE. I do all my blood work and monitoring appts alone and my clinic I've noticed the only couples I've seen were seeing the dr, the ones just monitoring are usually alone.

For IVF he went to the first appt when we made the decision to start IVF and signed the papers. Of course he had to go to ER now not sure how we are going to handle FET. I'm hoping he can come but it depends on if he's off or not.

AnnaClaire256 · August 2014

DH comes to almost all of my appointments. I used to always want to go alone and he kind of got his feelings hurt. He feels like I take so much of this on as my journey (since our issue is my PCOS) and he wants to feel like a part of it. He's really likes going to the monitoring appts...he's really cute...listens to every word and even takes notes on his phone. I had my first IUI a couple of weeks ago and I was really glad he was there for that.

MrsS728 · August 2014

My DH offered to come to any and all appointments, but I've told him that coming to the monitoring appointments isn't necessary, especially because we want him to be home for at least 2-3 weeks after we have a baby.

MBJune · August 2014

*****loss mentioned*****

DH went to the initial consult and to all of the iui's. He came home from work to go with me to the appointment confirming our loss because I was an absolute mess and could not drive an hour there and back by myself. He doesn't come to monitoring appointments because he would have to take a full day off work and would be stuck in the waiting room anyway.

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What RE appts does your SO attend?

Re: What RE appts does your SO attend?

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Want a personalized experience?

What RE appts does your SO attend?

Re: What RE appts does your SO attend?

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!