Let's get emotional: anyone else hate their husband right now?

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

So I am hoping it's the pregnancy but I am really disliking my husband right now. To the point where I question if I can tolerate him for the next 50+ years. I just feel constantly disappointed that he isn't the father I thought he would be to DD and now that I am pregnant again I am frustrated that he isn't more helpful with things he knows I can't do. I won't get into specifics just wanted to know if other people are seriously questioning their marriage or if maybe it's time for counselling.

perfectlove09 · August 2014

Counseling is never a bad idea. Seriously concider doing it. All will be happier.

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

I sometimes question, but it's usually in the heat of the moment and then I feel like a shmuck for having those thoughts after everything works itself out. If these are consistent feelings, I would say counselling isn't a bad idea. In my extremely unprofessional opinion of course. Just my 2 cents.

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

nauticallife said:
I sometimes question, but it's usually in the heat of the moment and then I feel like a shmuck for having those thoughts after everything works itself out. If these are consistent feelings, I would say counselling isn't a bad idea. In my extremely unprofessional opinion of course. Just my 2 cents.

I appreciate your extremely unprofessional opinion! It's not constant, but it's frequent enough to be disconcerting.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

rebekahapratim · August 2014

Counseling has always been amazing for us (both individually and together)!

JRod13 · August 2014

Counseling is the shit for real. We've been going for a few months now. We found out we were expecting a couple of months after we started, so suffice to say, it helped our sex life tremendously. But it's helped our communication too - we have a better understanding of what each others needs are and better ways to call attention to needs that aren't being met...which means I don't hold it in until I explode and we don't fight nearly as much. So yea, I'd say try out counseling. Even if some of what you are feeling is pregnancy related, it might help you guys. Good luck with it

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

Damn I was really hoping I could just blame this on hormones. Fine I'll put some BGP on and deal with my life.

If only relationship problems could be solved by eating ice cream.

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

LaxMOM44 said:
Damn I was really hoping I could just blame this on hormones. Fine I'll put some BGP on and deal with my life.

If only relationship problems could be solved by eating ice cream.

If only ALL problems could be fixed with ice cream!

abenson3 · August 2014

When I was expecting my first we both read Babyproofing Your Marriage. I read it first and highlighted my personal high points. it really helped my DH understand where I was coming from in changing from his wife to someone's mother. I highly recommend the book even if it's just for you to start.

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

abenson3 said:
When I was expecting my first we both read Babyproofing Your Marriage. I read it first and highlighted my personal high points. it really helped my DH understand where I was coming from in changing from his wife to someone's mother. I highly recommend the book even if it's just for you to start.

Thanks that's a great idea!

path75 · August 2014

I would ditto the counseling. I am looking into it myself. Me and my hubby always work things out but really how many times can you go through it. We don't fight often but when we do it gets heated. We have worked on things on our own and our relationship has improved but I know we are missing something. It is not something I want to bring my child into since they are innocent.

pregnantinstyle · August 2014

I love my husband so much!! But someday he'll just make me so mad to the point where I feel like I hate him and not sure if I should slap him or kiss him. He could be a bit selfish and leave on his days off when he should be spending then with his wife and son but instead he'll go out with friends and do sports. Other days when he comes fine with flowers and my favorite foods I love him. He has a good heart and u know he loves us but has a strange way of showing it. Some men just are not the type to be mushy romantics so I'll take even the smallest things so emotionally important and hold them close to my heart. Today I wanted to punch him though. Lol.

Eora3 · August 2014

So, this may just be me but I honestly go through this every time I am pregnant. For me it is the underlying frustration that even though this baby is happening to our family, this pregnancy is happening to me alone. The physical and emotional effects of pregnancy are tough on me and it feels very unfair at times.

This feeling of "unfair" seems to magnify every little thing my DH does that can be construed as inconsiderate or thoughtless. I have to remind myself to really consider what I am actually mad about. I try to communicate my needs more directly and remember to be fair to him too. It's not his fault that he can't be pregnant! Lol!

Cheekers2010 · August 2014

nauticallife said:

I sometimes question, but it's usually in the heat of the moment and then I feel like a shmuck for having those thoughts after everything works itself out. If these are consistent feelings, I would say counselling isn't a bad idea. In my extremely unprofessional opinion of course. Just my 2 cents.

This is me, although I have certainly been more frustrated than usual.

Cheekers2010 · August 2014

Eora3 said:

So, this may just be me but I honestly go through this every time I am pregnant. For me it is the underlying frustration that even though this baby is happening to our family, this pregnancy is happening to me alone. The physical and emotional effects of pregnancy are tough on me and it feels very unfair at times. This feeling of "unfair" seems to magnify every little thing my DH does that can be construed as inconsiderate or thoughtless. I have to remind myself to really consider what I am actually mad about. I try to communicate my needs more directly and remember to be fair to him too. It's not his fault that he can't be pregnant! Lol!

all of this, too.

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

Eora3 said:
So, this may just be me but I honestly go through this every time I am pregnant. For me it is the underlying frustration that even though this baby is happening to our family, this pregnancy is happening to me alone. The physical and emotional effects of pregnancy are tough on me and it feels very unfair at times.

This feeling of "unfair" seems to magnify every little thing my DH does that can be construed as inconsiderate or thoughtless. I have to remind myself to really consider what I am actually mad about. I try to communicate my needs more directly and remember to be fair to him too. It's not his fault that he can't be pregnant! Lol!

YES!!!! This is it exactly like his "failings" as a parent and supportive spouse are driving me to question my choice of him as a partner. He is a good Man who loves us but I am so frustrated that I am the only one who gets up with DD at 5 am. He doesn't ever ash her laundry, he refuses to so bed time because she cries when he does it. So I get frustrated that it is all so unbalanced and I start resenting his ability to say he doesn't want to, or to stay asleep when DD is crying.

Eora3 · August 2014

LaxMOM44 said:

Eora3 said:
So, this may just be me but I honestly go through this every time I am pregnant. For me it is the underlying frustration that even though this baby is happening to our family, this pregnancy is happening to me alone. The physical and emotional effects of pregnancy are tough on me and it feels very unfair at times.

This feeling of "unfair" seems to magnify every little thing my DH does that can be construed as inconsiderate or thoughtless. I have to remind myself to really consider what I am actually mad about. I try to communicate my needs more directly and remember to be fair to him too. It's not his fault that he can't be pregnant! Lol!
YES!!!! This is it exactly like his "failings" as a parent and supportive spouse are driving me to question my choice of him as a partner. He is a good Man who loves us but I am so frustrated that I am the only one who gets up with DD at 5 am. He doesn't ever ash her laundry, he refuses to so bed time because she cries when he does it. So I get frustrated that it is all so unbalanced and I start resenting his ability to say he doesn't want to, or to stay asleep when DD is crying.

This is my third pregnancy and I have come to realize that I really have to ask directly when I need DH to do more. I have to explain exactly what I need. I can't say "I need more help around the house." I have to say "I need your help. Would you please load the dishwasher/run the kid's laundry today/this week? I am feeling overwhelmed and need a break."

It is not that DH is stupid or lazy, he is just not "living" this pregnancy and has no concept of what it feels like. He can't read my mind and doesn't know what I want unless I tell him.

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

Alright ladies I think I am going to start with reading the book and trying to be more direct. If I still want to murder him in a couple weeks I will seek counselling or an alibi.

mightymango · August 2014

I know I'm a little shorter on the temper with the hubs lately, I think it's normal. Oh and the things you need help with that he knows you cant do? Ditto there. But the things you want to do ooooh no you cant do that! Yer preggers, ermigerd.

BayCamp · August 2014

This thread came at the perfect time. It's 2 am and I'm waiting up for H to get home, I worked until midnight and just can't sleep until he's here. I feel like he doesn't understand I need him to make social sacrifices with me instead of enjoying his last few months of "freedom" while I sit at home.

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

Ok also belated FFFC. I know the grass is always greener but I look at my friend's super involved husbands and I get so sad.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

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LaxMOM44 · August 2014

^so there is hope?

weezy29 · August 2014

Gosh girls, after reading some of these, I feel lucky. My husband puts one child to bed every night(We switch off), cleans up after dinner, helps with baths and let's me take naps on the weekends. He works from 5am to 5 pm everyday while I am. SAHM(which ends Monday.) I of course take care of the house and laundry almost 100% but if I ask for help he is willing. Sometimes he gets aggravated because I'm a bit OCD but overall he is great about being a 50/50 partner.

The thing is, I refuse to accept less than that! He wanted this life as much as I did. I didn't force soon to be three kids on him. If he were a jackass, I would let him know!!

And for those who have husband that stay out until 2am.....would he care if you did that? No biggie if he doesn't but I despise double standards!!

Of course, after writing all of this I will probably be back with a bitch thread next week because you know, Fantasy Football has started!

PacoCat33 · August 2014

I love my DH and don't question our future...but, he drives me nuts that he doesn't take any initiative to do things around the house. I am the sole cooker/cleaner. I am working on being more direct too. "Can you please put away..." Or "help me with..." He is good when I do that.

I have friends whose husbands can't sit down, they have to be doing things all the time. So they love when their wives give them a list. This is not my DH, he can sit on the couch all day long. I get a little jealous of my friends, but then think that they rarely sit down together to watch a movie, or snuggle, or just veg and I love doing this with my DH. So, as you mentioned earlier the grass is always greener.

caden1206 · August 2014

This has all been a learning process with my SO. Being nurturing and helpful is apparently not in his nature, even though he is a very good and respectful guy. This all came to me as a shock because he has always been really good and involved with my son. Maybe my SO is just not very good with babies. I have found that I have had to spell everything out, but over time he really has started to get it. Even though we have sort of found a way to communicate better we are going to start counseling because we know two little ones are going to add even more stress. I am also interested in reading that book mentioned above. Good luck. I hope it starts to get better.

Shortstack06 · August 2014

Today I would injure him if I could, I am frustrated and usually exhausted and he is frustrated also. I know he is the bread maker in our house but I am not home 24/7 either. I work. So for our house to be a mess, I know I should clean, I just don't have the desire on my day off to do it. I had 2 hours total at home today, outside of doing things for HIS family. We are going to talk when we are alone about this tonight, but it is stressful when your hormones make you feel different, you are exhausted, and you have a baby kicking the shit out of your vagina. Lightening crotch is no joke. If you sit down and try to communicate how you feel and if they're a stubborn man, sometime counseling is a better option.

designchica · August 2014

Well, he's not my husband and I don't hate him and in fact I love him, but I am very disappointed in the father of my baby. ;He has put me through a tremendous amount of emotional stress that is taking a toll on me and on me and this pregnancy. I wanted him to be my rock, but instead he has been a roller coaster.

caden1206 · August 2014

designchica said:

Well, he's not my husband and I don't hate him and in fact I love him, but I am very disappointed in the father of my baby. ;He has put me through a tremendous amount of emotional stress that is taking a toll on me and on me and this pregnancy. I wanted him to be my rock, but instead he has been a roller coaster.

I am sorry that you are going through so much. Counseling doesn't have to be about the couple. Maybe you could go talk to someone so that you feel like you have an outlet. I hope things get better.

perfectlove09 · August 2014

nauticallife said:

LaxMOM44 said:
Damn I was really hoping I could just blame this on hormones. Fine I'll put some BGP on and deal with my life.

If only relationship problems could be solved by eating ice cream.
If only ALL problems could be fixed with ice cream!

--/----------

Shit they aren't!? That explains a lot...;)

perfectlove09 · August 2014

Eora3 said:

LaxMOM44 said:

Eora3 said:
So, this may just be me but I honestly go through this every time I am pregnant. For me it is the underlying frustration that even though this baby is happening to our family, this pregnancy is happening to me alone. The physical and emotional effects of pregnancy are tough on me and it feels very unfair at times.

This feeling of "unfair" seems to magnify every little thing my DH does that can be construed as inconsiderate or thoughtless. I have to remind myself to really consider what I am actually mad about. I try to communicate my needs more directly and remember to be fair to him too. It's not his fault that he can't be pregnant! Lol!
YES!!!! This is it exactly like his "failings" as a parent and supportive spouse are driving me to question my choice of him as a partner. He is a good Man who loves us but I am so frustrated that I am the only one who gets up with DD at 5 am. He doesn't ever ash her laundry, he refuses to so bed time because she cries when he does it. So I get frustrated that it is all so unbalanced and I start resenting his ability to say he doesn't want to, or to stay asleep when DD is crying.
This is my third pregnancy and I have come to realize that I really have to ask directly when I need DH to do more. I have to explain exactly what I need. I can't say "I need more help around the house." I have to say "I need your help. Would you please load the dishwasher/run the kid's laundry today/this week? I am feeling overwhelmed and need a break."

It is not that DH is stupid or lazy, he is just not "living" this pregnancy and has no concept of what it feels like. He can't read my mind and doesn't know what I want unless I tell him.

I'm so glad both of you posted this. The most recent quote above makes me feel better. The one you're responding to (OP) is one I could have written myself. I hate that I always have to ask him to do stuff. Why should I have to ask him to do the dishes, help with laundry, vacuum. Just help? It drives me nuts. I am the main provider, work full time, get up with DD 6 days a week. Do every bedtime and bath and usually 100% if the dinners and breakfasts. And it bugs me that I can do 8 times more things than he can in the time it takes him to finish HALF of 1 thing. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm really OCD and I don't expect him to do things my way. I just want him to DO things lol

perfectlove09 · August 2014

ashtonkitty1 said:
I certainly don't hate my husband but he did offer to make me a grilled cheese sandwich earlier because we were both starving. Then he didn't start on it for 30 minutes. You can't do that to a pregnant girl.

lol I could have added that to my complaint above. My husband has zero sense of time. Drives me nuts.

mikkisand · August 2014

So today I actually had a break down in babies r us because DH would not help out with the registry. I found him and our son in the recliner section. I did not know what to do so I just walked out and started to cry.

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