Annoying shower thing (vent)

megaddie · August 2014

It's still socially acceptable to have a ladies only shower, is it not? I had to invite a bazillion people to mine and don't have a ton of guy friends, so opted to just invite girls..if partners and guys were invited, I would have had about 75-85 people at my shower which is more than were at my wedding.

At any rate, I invited a friend (well, mostly acquaintance) out of social obligation--I didn't want to leave her out but she seems to hate babies and pregnancy and look down on people who have kids and is pretty pretentious. She has actually made some backhanded, rude comments about pregnant people posting things about their pregnancy on Twitter which I know had to be directed at me but I just laughed because she still posts sexy "arty" selfies so I figured she could deal with some bump shots if I had to deal with seeing her half naked.

I didn't care either way if she came and would've been surprised if she had rsvp'd yes, but I didn't want to leave her out. At any rate, I found out today through a friend that the reason she is not coming is because she is offended that her husband was not invited as well and that it wasn't a couples shower. To me that is so weird. Every time anyone has a couples shower in the past, my boyfriends at the time have begged not to go and my brother has expressed similar feelings.

People are so weird sometimes. Or maybe I am the weird, rude one. I can't tell. Either way, I think I am done including her in things out of politeness!

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

No. Your "friend" is weird. Couples showers are becoming more popular, but I wouldn't say they are the norm at ALL. And I can't imagine they ever will be more popular than women-only showers. My husband would rather die ten thousand deaths than come to a shower.

I think your "friend" just doesn't want to go, and she made up some ridiculous excuse. She sounds lovely, by the way.

bumpuser10309732 · August 2014

I'm in the Midwest and men do not attend showers here. In fact I find it weird when they do. Kind of like you, they REALLY don't want to be there!

MrMrsandBaby · August 2014

Same here, DH was not at my showers (although he did come to help haul stuff home).

He wasn't at the wedding showers either. I think that is strange too.

megaddie · August 2014

Thank you--I thought maybe there had been some social upheaval about showers that I missed! And, yeah, "friend" is the right way to put it, and I think I am just done. I figure the baby will be the nice final wedge in that whole thing and I won't have to deal with her anymore.

vrj0522 · August 2014

I think both girls-only and couples showers are completely normal. Her being offended because her DH was not invited is ridiculous and she sounds like a big douche.

andrieya · August 2014

Some friend!

pepperpotts317 · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

I think your "friend" just doesn't want to go, and she made up some ridiculous excuse. She sounds lovely, by the way.

EXACTLY. I had a big old fashioned, ladies only shower with my first. It was wonderful and very fun. Time to cross this one off the invites list.

megaddie · August 2014

Done;)

imagine7696030614 · August 2014

I've never heard of couples showers. If she doesn't like it she can sit her pretentious ass home with her husband

Like a lot of PPs said, most men wouldn't even want to attend.

TheOtherJacobsons · August 2014

Yeah, this person has no clue. Couples showers are definitely not the norm. A few months ago the topic came up when I had a couple of couple friends over and all the guys were very openly not into it. While I don't think it's not ok to have couple showers, I am just more traditional in that sense I guess. Baby showers and bridal showers are hen parties.

I would just be thankful that this person isn't coming.

victoria+james · August 2014

The only guys at my shower were 4 and 5 months old...

megaddie · August 2014

Well, even without the aforementioned person and a pack of partners, my shower was a lovely event;) I am so exhausted but it was gorgeous.

Thanks for the needed perspective!

amandacaffrey · August 2014

I'm in NJ and showers are primarily all girls.. Guys show up at the end to help with presents. Only co-ed ones I know of are within the Latino culture and they are typically night time events

bennikki · August 2014

I don't think couple showers are the norm. Your friend sounds like a jerk, or she's really reaching for an excuse not to go. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt because I've been at a place in my life where going to a baby shower would have really done a number on my mental health (IF for me and cancer for DH), and I know I came up with some really lame excuses, but it was more along the lines of "I have to work," "I have to give out communion at church," or "it's my [insert random family member]'s birthday." But I have a really hard time giving anyone who posts selfies past the age of 14 the benefit of the doubt.

My family threw a joint couples shower for my cousin and I when we were getting married two weeks apart, but that was mostly because my DH and her DH have a ton in common, and it was only family, so it felt more like a nice family dinner with presents for two of the attendees. The guys went out trap shooting, the girls went snow shoeing, and we had a hot chocolate/coffee bar while the presents were open. Our friends thought the idea was cool, but certainly not common. When my mom and aunt were coming up with the plan, all the men at first said, "oh, hell no."

megaddie · August 2014

I think joint things can totally be nice and will probably be throwing one for someone soon, but I think this girl was just being rude--I have bailed on things before but it was more that she was behaving as though offended that I thought was so weird.

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