bedtime questions

rbtrumpet · August 2014

Sorry - I know I'm not super active over here (but I do lurk - I've found I'm much more an attachment parent than I thought I would be). I've seen similar questions, but I'm hoping a few of you have stories similar to mine and can tell me how this turns out.

We have a good routine with DD right now. Dinner, play, bath, brush her two teeth, story, prayers, and then nurse until she falls asleep (DH helps with everything from dinner to prayers, then leaves us alone for the nursing to sleep). She's usually out by 8/8:30 and sleeps until 5:45/6. We never sleep trained her - she was a terrible sleeper as a newborn, but started waking up only once around 6 months, and then dropped her one MOTN feeding at 8 months (when we started giving her meat!). I work outside the house, so during the week, I only get about 2 1/2 hours with her at night. Right now, nursing her to sleep is my FAVORITE part of my day!

Question #1: EVERYONE (pedi, my mom, most websites) say not to nurse to sleep because they will become dependent on it, and won't sleep without it. In your experience was this true? Am I going to regret nursing her to sleep in a year (or two)? She falls asleep so quickly/easily when I nurse, how am I supposed to do it without letting her sleep?

Question #2: "put baby down drowsy but awake" doesn't work for us. Yes, DD is a bit of a drama queen already. I've tried it a few times, but she seriously SCREAMS if she's any bit awake when I put her to bed. Full out red-faced, big tears type screaming - it's not a gradual build up, she goes from "drowsy" to 100 in 10 seconds (and then back to drowsy right after I pick her back up) - she's always been like this. I try every once in a while to see if it's changed, but it hasn't yet. If I don't nurse her to sleep, how do I get her to go to bed without CIO? I've briefly looked over things like "no cry sleep solution", but it doesn't work when your baby cries every single time she's put in the crib awake!

I'm a big fan of "if it's not broke, don't fix it" - and I seriously love our bedtime routine, but I'm also a bit afraid of how many people tell me I'm setting myself up for difficult toddler years. I don't want to push this off as something I'll "deal with when it becomes a problem" if I can make changes easier now when she's young! Thanks for bearing with me!

LynnJess29 · August 2014

My DD is 8 months old and she falls asleep while I rock her with her last bottle. I tried CIO for about 5 minutes one night and knew it was not for us. DD is the same as your LO. I can put her in the crib drowsy and she is instantly awake. If I try to leave the room she screams.

Every baby is different and my DD needs to be rocked to sleep. I also work and only see her for a few hours a night and really cherish the quiet time that we have together. I know it won't last forever!! Listen to what your heart tells you is right for your LO! Good luck

PumpkinAndThePeanut · August 2014

I wouldn't sweat it. I used to nurse one of my twins to sleep for every nap and bedtime. I didn't do anything to wean her from it, except DH started putting her down and he uses the ergo to get her to sleep before putting her in her crib. She's 15 months. She just adapted to DH putting her down; there was no difficult transition (although she now has a different sleep association in the ergo, but sleep associations aren't a bad thing if you are happy to oblige them).

With my other twin, I used to have to rock her for ages and stand over her crib rubbing her back until she fell asleep and I could tiptoe out. Now, without any real influence on my part, I (usually!!) only have to give her a hug, make sure she has her binky, blanket and stuffed dog, and stand there with her until she falls asleep.

We bedshare after their first wakeup without even trying to put them back in their cribs.

Some nights are harder than others, and occasionally it's horrendous getting them down for the night and we have to abandon the cribs and get into our bed with them at 9 pm. Those nights are rare and all the progress we have made has been driven by them. We have never done a night of CIO and the NCSS didn't really work for me either (probably because I was too impatient). And putting them down "drowsy but awake" crap is utter B-S!! As is letting them "fuss." In my house, like yours, there was no "fussing," only screaming.

I do worry a bit about how we'll ever get them out of our bed, but I also work outside the home, and bedsharing and those MOTN feeds are a great way for me to reconnect with them after having been away from them all day. I love it.

I didn't mean to write a book, but bottom line, if you are enjoying your current routine and it's working for you, don't change it!

rbtrumpet · August 2014

PumpkinAndThePeanut said:

I do worry a bit about how we'll ever get them out of our bed, but I also work outside the home, and bedsharing and those MOTN feeds are a great way for me to reconnect with them after having been away from them all day. I love it.

I LOVED cosleeping! I can't bedshare - I'm too heavy of a sleeper (seriously, she would be screaming in the cosleeper right next to me, and I wouldn't wake up, DH would have to wake me up!). She out-grew her cosleeper, and sleeps very well in her crib. I might consider bedsharing with her now, but she moves all over when she sleeps (every time I glance at the monitor, she's in a different part of her crib - top/bottom/rolled sideways on the bars....), so it's probably best for her to have her own space!

I just started thinking about this because DH asked me "when will she just put herself to bed?" but I'm pretty sure the answer to that is around 10 :-p.

youenjoymyself · August 2014

My daughter is 17 months old. Up until about 3 weeks ago, she nursed to sleep every single night. One day, she just decided she didn't want to do it anymore. Now, she and I rock and nurse for a few minutes before bed, then she'll pop off and say, "Dada." At that point, I hand her over to him and she drifts off to sleep in his arms. Once she's out, he brings her to me in our bed, and we sleep. And FWIW, "drowsy but awake" is a myth.

scubagirl81 · August 2014

This gives me some hope! DS is 9 months, and we let him eat himself to sleep because he is super spitty and that's the way we can keep the most food in him. I'm hoping that some day things will change, but for now it works. I'm super scared that the transition will be a nightmare, but so far moving him from our bed to pnp in our room and then pnp to crib in his room were all fine, so I don't know why I'm worried ;-) Anyway, I try to not think about it too much because for now it's not a big deal.

blu-eyedwife · August 2014

We nursed to sleep until he didn't need to any more. He broke the association on his own. I also did not have a "drowsy but awake" child. I did for a couple weeks, until we stopped swaddling. Once he wasn't cocooned, putting him down drowsy just had him working (and waking) himself up.

The toddler years are difficult no matter what sleep solution you use. It's just par for the course. Nothing you're doing is going to make it any more difficult.

honkytonk_kid · August 2014

Not every transition had to be forced- do what works until it doesn't. P has never been a "good " sleeper, nursed to sleep until he weaned, and now I rub his back and sing Jesus Loves Me approx 2.5 times and he's snoring.

People are weird about this. It's ok for your baby to need you for some things.

ELL31310 · August 2014

I'm new to posting here but we went through the same thing. I nursed her to sleep every night and if I put her down even slightly awake she would start screaming.

Eventually she started fidgeting and wouldn't fall asleep while nursing so I put her down still awake. I figured I'd be back in after a few minutes when she had gotten it out of her system. To my surprise she didn't scream like normal and after about 10 minutes she laid down and went to sleep. The next night it was the same and she was asleep after about 5 minutes. After a few nights she stopped crying all together and would just lay down and go to sleep.

I still nurse her every night before bed and I love out time together. She goes to sleep so easily once she is in her crib and I find it to be less stressful as well.

Trust your judgement and do what works best for you and your LO.

Unknown · August 2014

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Mama2be12345 · August 2014

Follow your gut and if it's working for you stick with it! LO used to nurse to sleep but for the last few months nurses after bath and book and then needs up to 30 minutes of me or DH walking around in circles before she will let us lie her down to sleep. Is it time consuming, yes, but it helps LO sleep peacefully which is the priority to me. I worry about creating bad habits too but I think there is way too much pressure on moms to make babies independent so young. Enjoy the nursing and the cuddles and try not to stress!

lmtrmama · August 2014

I nursed my daughter to sleep until she was 3 1/2. One day, I didn't feel like breastfeeding to sleep, and she was fine with it. I found it easier to do EVERYTHING if I waited until she was older to understand! Now she is five and she can fall asleep by herself, but I sometimes still let her fall asleep with me! I don't know about people who say they have difficult times stopping the habits, but if it is working for you and your child, then I wouldn't worry about it.

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