Anyone finding out the sex but keeping the secret?

jmcgra06 · August 2014

With DD, we were team green, though I had so many ultrasounds at the end that I was 90% sure I saw she was a girl

This time, though, we are thinking about finding out. I don't exactly know why, but for some reason, if we find out, I want to keep it between the two of us. DH thinks this is kind of weird, and he doesn't want to lie (say we don't actually know) or tell people we know but we're keeping it a secret.

Is anyone else keeping it a secret? My coworker last year told people that they were having a girl but kept the name secret, so maybe I'm just used to this kind of idea? If I'm crazy, certainly feel free to tell me!

cls78 · August 2014

Not keeping the sex a secret, but we will wait until after they are born to reveal names.

KMommytobe · August 2014

We always keep the name a secret, but I feel like keeping the sex a secret would be tough. It's so easy to forget and say he or she!

jennjilljo · August 2014

I've considered it. We're playing this pregnancy by ear for the most part.

jmcgra06 · August 2014

TNorth03 said:

We keep the name secret, but not the sex.

I don't understand keeping the sex secret when you already know it. Kind of a lame move toward people who are excited for you and want to share in your joy.

Actually maybe this is the part I'm not understanding? I don't really see what difference it makes if it's a boy or a girl, particularly to other people?

kefttsc · August 2014

The most secret we can keep is not telling them all the sexes immediately when we leave the doctor's office. We plan on taking a cute picture of the dogs (go figure) with pink/blue/both balloons to send to them and post on FB.

lizjennings81 · August 2014

We haven't kept the sex secret, but we're keeping her name a secret. Mostly because we don't need opinions -- she's been named since before she was conceived, heh.

I'd have a tough time keeping the sex secret. I can keep secrets well, but that's one that would fight to get out, I think.

jmcgra06 · August 2014

TNorth03 said:

jmcgra06 said:

TNorth03 said:

We keep the name secret, but not the sex.

I don't understand keeping the sex secret when you already know it. Kind of a lame move toward people who are excited for you and want to share in your joy.

Actually maybe this is the part I'm not understanding? I don't really see what difference it makes if it's a boy or a girl, particularly to other people?

In my life, most people don't care. But my close friends and family do care, because they want to buy a gift, and also just because it matters to them. So for me to hold that information from them would probably feel to them like a lame, controlling thing to do. And for what reason?

That's just how it would feel to my family if I did this. Everyone else's dynamics will be different.

I think that makes sense, I'm just wondering (totally about me) if when we were team green if that was pretty much just the same thing - withholding that information from others. I totally get what you're saying, now I'm just overthinking the whole thing

I really like the surprise at the end, I think the reason we are thinking about finding out is because I'm having a harder time getting attached (used to?) this pregnancy, and I think it might help. Though, when it starts kicking, I think that will help, too.

mishka29 · August 2014

I hated lying last time when I said I didn't know the name. I just feel bad doing it but it was a secret.

IF you do want to keep the sex a secret then have a nickname and stick with it. It will help avoid the he/she slip ups.

michelle142 · August 2014

We're like your coworker - we find out the sex, but keep the name a secret.

A big reason for that is because we're indecisive and the kid probably won't have a name until he or she is a few hours old!

lk2200214 · August 2014

One of my best friends just had a baby in April and they found out the sex but didn't tell anyone until 4 months later when they had a family only gender reveal party. It was really frustrating and kinda felt like a slap in the face to me & some of our other close friends. It was especially frustrating to myself & our other friend that were throwing her a shower. It was limiting for cute shower themes & frustrating cause it was her first baby and we were SOOOO beyond excited for her especially cause they tried for so long before. To be honest it kinda killed my excitement over the baby & pregnancy

.....this all sounds really selfish. Also, love this girl to death but she's awful at keeping secrets....so the fact that she kept this a secret just flat out pissed us off

But I'm just someone who would want to share the joy & excitement with everyone! And shout it from the roof top. This time we might be keeping the name a secret because I've shared a few of our ideas and had negative feedback, which isn't needed. We would be using family names (so limited to options) and it's hard enough to pick a name without hear everyone else thoughts.

maltwin1 · August 2014

For me it's just such a wonderful feeling for friends and family to feel like they know this specific baby (by sex and name) before it even gets here. We told the sex and name and when Jack was born my whole family felt like we weren't just expecting "a baby", we were expecting Jack. When he arrived if was like a they already knew him because we'd been talking about him with specific pronouns and his name for months. It was a really special feeling for me.

I loved having that bond already in place, but that's not for everyone. I'd either find out and tell, or not find out at all. Finding out but sitting on the information seems like hiding something from your family to me.

biaher16 · August 2014

I'm finding out the sex and my big mouth will tell everyone lol I cant keep secrets at all ;( i can't even do the name thing because my cousin needs the name for the present she will give him. I don't really even have a girl name just a boy !!! I've been stuck on girl names for ever and I have a strong feeling little bean might be a little lady.

thegoodpotato · August 2014

We are on the reveal the sex but keep the name a surprise train.

We revealed both with Marnie, but kept Amanda's name a secret. I knew a lot of people wouldn't like Amanda as a name because it's dated, so we just kept it a secret. They can't say anything once the baby is actually named.

jaztastic · August 2014

I found out the sex, and I only told you all. We are totally keeping it a secret. For multiple reasons...

1) We are requesting donations be made in our honor (instead of gifts) to Resolve.

2) If you really want to shower us with gifts anyway, (and maybe this is sort of manipulating) but I would rather not get a ton of gender specific outfits in 0-3 months. Because lets be honest... how many showers have you been to, where 85% percent of the gifts are clothes and pretty much all the same size.

3) I'm planning a really cute name reveal for my shower. I want it to be a surprise for my parents and friends.

4) Its my preference to not tell, and I dont understand others being offended by the fact that I dont want to tell you.

jaztastic · August 2014

lk2200214 said:

One of my best friends just had a baby in April and they found out the sex but didn't tell anyone until 4 months later when they had a family only gender reveal party. It was really frustrating and kinda felt like a slap in the face to me & some of our other close friends. It was especially frustrating to myself & our other friend that were throwing her a shower. It was limiting for cute shower themes & frustrating cause it was her first baby and we were SOOOO beyond excited for her especially cause they tried for so long before. To be honest it kinda killed my excitement over the baby & pregnancy .....this all sounds really selfish. Also, love this girl to death but she's awful at keeping secrets....so the fact that she kept this a secret just flat out pissed us off But I'm just someone who would want to share the joy & excitement with everyone! And shout it from the roof top. This time we might be keeping the name a secret because I've shared a few of our ideas and had negative feedback, which isn't needed. We would be using family names (so limited to options) and it's hard enough to pick a name without hear everyone else thoughts.

I think you may be being a little dramatic about someone else's choices

slw0524 · August 2014

@jaztastic I am totally with you about getting nothing but gender specific clothes for the babyshower. My DH wants to know the sex, I do not, but he won't be able to keep the secret for too long, so we are going to have a gender reveal baby shower. This way I am surprised with everyone else and I don't get too many clothes as gifts.

CatLadyTX · August 2014

My mom and grandmother are basically indignant about this baby needing to be a girl. When I told my mom last time that it was a boy rather than congratulating me, the twat had the nerve to say "well you are going to try again, right?" It has all pissed me off to the point that I want to keep it a secret just to spite her.

jaymo517 · August 2014

My husband and I are finding out on Saturday and we will be keeping it a secret until November when we have our baby shower. The theme is "Little Buck or Little Doe", we're hunters and the shower is the weekend after opening day, so it's perfect for us.

My concern was exactly what Jaztastic mentioned, 85% of gifts at the shower are clothes, usually 0-3 months. If someone really wants to buy clothes they can wait until after we reveal the sex.

acpruchnik · August 2014

We're finding out the sex at the end of this month via our Harmony test but we're keeping it a secret until mid-October at our Gender Reveal party. I started showing so soon and my mom pegged me for preggers before that so we didn't really get to keep this LO a secret as long as we wanted to. So we figure this will be the first time we get to have something to ourselves, even just for a little while, and then we get to do the initial shopping instead of people showing up with stuff right away. We're considering keeping the name a secret until the baby is born, but we both loved being able to call DS by his name once we found out he was a boy so I don't know how long that will last before one of us slips up and says it in front of someone lol

brij2006 · August 2014

We played with the idea of finding out the sex ourselves but not telling anyone. However, our plan was that we would not tell anyone that we knew either.

Then we realized we're horrible secret keepers and would probably spill.

jennypolkadots · August 2014

Everyone feels differently about this. We are team green and don't want to know. People think we are weird but whatever. We are also not sharing names because I don't want feedback and all of our names are classics so I don't care what people say.

I would personally find it very odd if someone close to me said "yes I know the sex but I'm not telling". It puts the gender of the baby on some sort of pedestal and there is this weird "na na na na boo boo" vibe to it. No one else cares nearly as much as you and your H, or will be overly thrilled with the surprise. So just tell them if you find out. Or tell them you aren't finding out which they will believe if you didn't find out with your daughter. I would not advise to tell them you know but aren't telling. This can feel hurtful to people close to you that want to share in your joy, or seem that you aren't excited.

If we wanted to find out, we would have a little end of summer family cook out but not tell people we were going to reveal. We would have the ultrasound tech write it in a card and send it to this etsy shop that makes cute confetti filled balloons. You pop the balloon and find out with your family at the same time. I think this is a sweet way of doing it.

I have an irrational fear of the tech slipping up and us finding out. Or it just being obvious and we can tell, especially if it is a boy. If this happened, we will take a special little cake to our baby shower to share that will reveal to everyone there. One of our reasons for not finding out is to avoid the boy/girl baby stuff and get neutral things we can hopefully use for all of our kids.

alyse0305 · August 2014

TNorth03 said:
We keep the name secret, but not the sex.

I don't understand keeping the sex secret when you already know it. Kind of a lame move toward people who are excited for you and want to share in your joy.

You don't understand keeping sec a secret when you know, but you understand keeping name a secret when you know!!?! Um, I think you may be confused here!!

jdonn1023 · August 2014

we talked about keeping the sex a secret, but we know our friends and family will give us things for the baby and we want to keep away from greens and yellows. also, one of us will sleep with a he or she.... i don't want to reveal name, esp for a boy because SO family already said we will name the baby after SO. I would never, but they think i should... maybe i would feel differently if they were like Sr. JR, I, II ect. but they all have different middle names so to me thats not a tradition

jstuck82 · August 2014

Maybe I am old school or crazy but I like the idea of waiting and introducing the baby to family members after it is born. Like here is your granddaughter.... or grandson and then their name.

We are thinking we will find out and not tell anyone the sex. I know for sure that we will keep the names a secret because I dont want anyone telling me their opinions. I guess our stand is that it is our first baby and we dont want our child to be labeled or bombarded with all pink or all blue items. My 4 year old nephew named the baby "Sticky" so we are probably going with that as a nickname to keep from saying he or she. I think surprises are good and needed.

kpereira7 · August 2014

I was in an awkward position a few years ago with my brother in law and sister in law. She was pregnant and didn't want to find out but my brother in law did. So when he went to the ultrasound he found out and told all of us without asking if we first wanted to know. It was awful trying to keep it a secret from her! I was always terrified I'd slip and say "he" during conversations about ultrasound photos, etc. and one time I actually did but quickly threw in a " or she" afterwards. when they had their second they did the same thing again but we asked not to know this time so we didn't have to worry about slipping. I just think that if you find out everyone should know and if you don't find out nobody does. It was just so stressful!

erinlady2 · August 2014

In my opinion a lot of the things you think you can avoid by keeping the secret from people are just made worse by keeping it. It sounds nice to have a special secret between DH and you, but I think there are always going to be people that are going to try to make you feel crappy about that. And that can be stressful and make the secret not as fun.

And if you want to avoid getting gender specific outfits - I will say that I had a coworker that didn't spill the gender and ended up getting clothes for both genders and having to return a bunch of stuff. Which was a pain for her.

I would say lie and tell people you don't know - but if your DH isn't into that then I don't see that happening. So I would only do it if you're ready for the possible kickback and clothing returns.

This reminded me of something that was posted on my last BMB - youtube "pregnant women are smug" by Garfunkel and Oates. It might make you giggle a little.

jj303013 · August 2014

I think this is your baby and your decisions! We kept all names secret with my son and didn't find out his gender. This time we aren't sure if we are going to find out. I think though that if you are keeping the gender secret then don't tell people you are doing that because people are weird and could get upset. I would say you don't know the gender and are keeping the names secret. I think people are used to people keeping names secret. I also think that knowing the gender with your husband is a cute little secret for just the two of you. Why not!!

JessieRbaby · August 2014

I personally don't see why keeping the name a secret matters? We have a boys name picked out and we are still talking about girls names. Once we've decided we will tell whomever asks. As far as finding out the sex or keeping it a secret, we plan on keeping it a secret but only until our shower so we can avoid too many gender specific items. Even if you have a registry people will buy you what they want to buy anyway.

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