Anyone not looking forward to ILs visiting after birth?

rlyttle · August 2014

My MIL is crazy. She means well, but she gives me anxiety for many many reasons. I could tell stories for hours that you wouldn't believe. Well they are planning to come (the live out of town) at the very end of September because they football tickets and they plan to stay with us. More than likely the baby will be here since the doctor is talking about inducing me the week before. So that means they will be at my house staying for a night or two. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's already giving me anxiety. My mom will be there for five or so days after the baby comes home, but she is there to HELP, not just sit around on the couch. My ILs don't help at all. I don't expect them to, but I don't want overnight visitors so soon that are just going to sit around. Sorry for the vent, but it's giving me anxiety and I would rather them just stay in a hotel. Of course DH doesn't understand since I'm totally fine with my mother staying there for several days. Again, she will be doing laundry, cleaning, running to the store, whatever I need to adjust to a baby. She's there to HELP!!! Thanks for listening.

Anyone else feeling anxious about ILs coming or any other visitors after baby?

poptart109 · August 2014

I'm not looking forward to MIL "helping" either. With DS she assumed she was on vacation after telling us she was there to help. She stayed overnight 4 nights. I had a 3rd degree tear that ended up with a hematoma behind sutures. I couldn't get off the bed, literally. She asked what I was making for dinner, dessert, told me the baby was crying at 2am (like I didn't know!) criticized us for having dishes in the sink and literally only wanted to bathe and feed DS during daylight hrs only. Ain't gonna happen this time!!!!

mytinc · August 2014

I get what you're saying. I get along with my MIL, but she wasn't any help when she came for 2 days after DS was born. I felt like I needed to entertain her. I didn't feel comfortable giving her "chores" to do and she certainly isn't the type to insist on helping out. So we mostly both sat in the living room and chatted (which was still exhausting). I think she folded one load of DS's laundry and maybe did one sink full of dishes the entire time. It was helpful to have her hold the baby while I got some things done though.

My mother, on the other hand, came for 3 days and did laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc. Just watching her get so much done was exhausting, and with some things (like organizing), she wanted me to help, which I didn't have the energy to do.

I know that I can't get MIL to change and I honestly wouldn't expect her to stay somewhere else while my own mother can stay at our house. I would find that to be a double standard despite the different types of house guests they can be. I hope your husband is willing to help out with entertaining the ILs so that you don't have to worry about that part. Good luck!

biokitty42 · August 2014

I hear you. My MIL isn't coming right away this time, which is nice. I think she's waiting because the first time went so badly. I was exhausted and mostly sat on the couch nursing the whole time, and she is really anxious and panicky and was too scared to hold the baby. She was no help at all.

I asked if she could keep an eye on the baby while I showered, as in, pick her up and comfort her if she cried. She got all freaked out and was like, "Oh...okay, but hurry! And come out if you hear her crying!" Um, thanks? Why are you here if you can't even watch her for 15 minutes while I shower? It was frustrating.

Honestly, just try to push through it. They have a right to see the baby, too.

ashaw512 · August 2014

Maybe they might surprise you and actually do something. After I had DD SIL came to visit and surprised me by holding DD so I could wash dishes! Wtf?! I think if you have "those" in laws or even parents then it's going to stress you out. My mother is great at doing that to me and I always feel bad when I tell her no bc it "hurts her feelings" and then tries to throw it back in my face somehow. But my SILs definitely stress me out, I just got a call yesterday from one telling me that she took off work all day so she could be with me in the hospital ALL. DAY. LONG. I don't even want her there but she is DHs sister so I'm going to be nice, not to mention my mom and Mamaw and DH will already be there. I do not need her there, so I told her there was a two hour waiting period from birth until visiting hour for newborns so SIL won't be right there in my face as soon as I come out of my CS. She will be trying to take pics of me all doped up and post it all over fb just bc she thinks it's hilarious. Oh I'm getting anxious just think ongoing about it. I really hope she's not there all day! [-O<
I even told DH not to tell anyone except his mom and the sister that I like when I'm having a CS.

HorseLover11 · August 2014

We've already agreed no one is staying with us after we get home from the hospital, but I'm wondering if anyone has experience when both sets of parents are from out of town - do you host everyone at your house or let one set stay and the other makes other arrangements? I feel this will happen a lot with milestones and holidays now that we will have a child.

biokitty42 · August 2014

@HorseLover11 We have always just split holidays between our families, especially because FIL and MIL are divorced. So we do Thanksgiving with his family one year, and Christmas with mine, then switch the next year. Sometimes they come to us, especially when DD was tiny, and sometimes we go to them.

The only time we had everyone here at once was for DD's first birthday, and our house is small, so my parents and sister and BIL stayed at a hotel.

Ciardasully · August 2014

Unfortunately, I feel this way about my own parents. My mother is one of those people that her idea of helping is holding the baby while I cook or clean. Plus she is one of those people who doesn't understand that things have changed since I was born 35 years ago and argues with me about it. So much anxiety.

MIL can bother me but she would cook and clean and this isn't her first grandchild so she gets that things have changed.

Either way, no one is coming for at least a week (all grandparents live long distance.)

Ahlome08 · August 2014

I can't imagine my MIL not helping out. I've heard horror stories and my heart goes out to the many that have to deal with "those types" of parents/in-laws! If it were me, I would tell my husband he better either entertain them or keep them in check, because who isn't exhausted when you have a newborn?

amom2four · August 2014

My fil is coming 6 days before I'm due because it's cheaper to extend his plane ticket than buy it for the next week. I love him and he's a huge help and great to be around...when I haven't just had a child or am about to have a child.

I guess it's not really even him that I have issues with. It's sil and her kids, who actually live within walking distance of us. Sil and dh don't particularly get along because she's crazy so we don't see her much until fil is here, it's continuous going and them all being around and the kids always have to touch babies and get in their faces. It's exhausting. Plus, I'm due 9/29 and this time of year is when my kids always bring colds home to share with our toddler so I'm having some overly paranoid issues about other kids being around and having who knows what viruses lurking and waiting to show up. I don't want to end up with a sick infant!

We have talked about actually telling sil that her kids can't come to the hospital mainly because they are not well behaved and always fight, scream and won't listen in addition to having to be in the baby's face. I still have my fingers crossed for flu precautions at the hospital which would mean only dh and baby's siblings would be allowed.

brittneyandadam · August 2014

My IL's live around the corner and my parents are only a half hour away. I don't foresee any problems since mom and MIL have offered to help cook and clean already....but my dad and I are just getting back into the swing of having a "normal" relationship and I know he'll just want to so on the couch and hold baby.

StefanyaMarie · August 2014

Oh honey, I feel for you and you are definitely not alone on this one. I have always said that my MIL could be a finalist (if not win) the worse MIL in the world competition. The woman once told me that her son was never having kids and that if I wanted them I should leave him before things got serious and that if I thought I could pressure him into it that she has a shotgun and a big backyard full of woods so no one would every find me. (Backstory: they have a genetic disease that she didn't want passed on since she didn't know it was genetic when she had kids) Well, this is our second and my husband is very excited, even with the 50/50 chance of passing along the non-life threatening disease. Anyways, they come here for a week at a time and make our lives a living hell. The last time she spent the whole time drunk whining that I wouldn't allow her to chain smoke in my house...because second hand smoke doesn't really kill people it's just a lie the government tells us to make us to scare us. She is a delusional drunk and I can't stand her. Anyways, I feel you pain. Just take a couple deep breaths and be thankful that it should only be for a night or two and know that at the end of the day they are going home and don't live close. That's what I do. Good luck and I don't let it get you down. P.S. My ILs are coming the first week of October for the local Oktoberfest celebrations....so drunks at a drinking festival...yippy!

bethybeach · August 2014

I am not in the same boat as you because my in-laws live with us but...

Maybe it would be good for you to talk to DH, if they are here for so many days, make DH tell them they need to be responsible for cooking or picking up a meal for dinner. Lay down the ground rules before they get there, tell them they can't sit around the house all day because you need this time to yourself. Or make sure DH knows it is his responsibility not yours to be accomodating.

The PP about being confined to bed and MIL asking about dinner, I would be on my DH to resolve that quickly. Holy crap the nerve of some people.

ashaw512 · August 2014

criscbish said:
We live with my MIL (she has a separate apt in the basement), and I fear that she will come up unannounced or whenever she feels like it. When DH and I are at work, she comes up uninvited to "help" around the house, which results in more work for us in the end. It's really weird and DH has put his foot down with her several times. I can't stand my own mother being in my face all the time so anyone else's mom is just worse to me.

It sounds like you need a dead bolt on every door lol!

rlyttle · August 2014

HorseLover11 said:

We've already agreed no one is staying with us after we get home from the hospital, but I'm wondering if anyone has experience when both sets of parents are from out of town - do you host everyone at your house or let one set stay and the other makes other arrangements? I feel this will happen a lot with milestones and holidays now that we will have a child.

Both of our parents live 2.5 hours away from us, in opposite directions. When DS was born it worked out great because my ILs just came to the hospital after DS was born and they only stayed an hour or so, went out for lunch, then came back for another hour, then left. This time is going to be totally different with them stay at our house. I'm going to get through it. I usually get anxious about them staying with us, or us staying with them, then it turns out fine. I just know how overwhelming having a new baby can be and all I want to worry about is sitting on the couch nursing. Hopefully it will go by in a flash & I'm worried about nothing.

HorseLover11 · August 2014

I find this thread fascinating as I think a lot of us are feeling anxious over this. My parents actually live here but DHs parents are divorced and live 9 hrs away so we need them to figure out who gets to says with us as we really only have room to host one set of his parents.

cozybluebear · August 2014

I don't look forward to my in laws visiting... ever!

clkriley89 · August 2014

I am definitely in the same boat. Both sets of parents live in the same town we do. My MIL is the type of person that will come and sit in my kitchen and watch me wash dishes or cook supper, never offering to help. This could be because she's a severe diabetic that doesn't even try to take care of herself, causing 2 strokes and several stays at the hospital. If she can't take care of herself why would I want her taking care of my baby?! There are days she doesn't know which way is up and which is down. She doesn't work, hasn't for 10 years, so I know she will be at the house all day every day. It's her first grandchild too which doesn't help. She just made the comment last night that she had to buy a bigger purse for when the baby is here. Tell me why that would be necessary?? I do feel bad about how I feel about her because DH is a mama's boy and doesn't like to accept the fact that his mom won't take care of herself. I can't say that it has caused me too much anxiety yet, but I'm sure as we get closer it will.

RedBaramid · August 2014

My MIL has a 7 year old daughter and a 43 year old "husband" to worry about. She'll come by of course but I know when she does it will be to bring us food and see if we need a break. She'll be back to work (she's a university professor) so she won't be dropping in randomly during the day, just in the evenings. She's already started asking DH and I what kind of meals we'd like it if she brought by. Since we don't have a washer dryer she has also already told us she has no problem picking up and dropping off laundry for us and doing it at her place, since that's where we go to do our laundry anyway. Not to mention her mother is coming into town just to help out after we have the baby(but she is staying with my IL's not us yay!). That woman is a work horse and I know she's not going to let me lift a finger while she's in our home. That's how she handled the birth of all of her grandchildren, and I don't assume that will change with a great grand baby.. (the woman is only 65.)

My mother only plans on staying at our place while I'm in the hospital to help take care of the cats and help support DH by having meals for him to eat and keeping the place picked up as he runs in and out. Then she's going back to work and home (about 1.5 hrs away) and only plans on visiting on weekends that she is invited down/that we think we could use some help. She has no problem just making a day trip down if we don't want to have overnight guests.

My grandmother on the other hand... she thinks she is going to rent a hotel room by the week to stay at so she can be here to "help" every day. By help, she most certainly means criticize me, and hold the baby while I cook, clean, etc, etc, etc. She has been told MANY times that DH and I have family in town who are dedicated to being here to help us, and that she need not stay around, but she can't be convinced. It makes me so mad because my mother who is an RN recognizes that in the 26 years it has been since she had me things have changed, and she doesn't know all the answers and will not be pushing things on me unless I ask for help.. but my grandmother who hasn't had a baby in 47 years.. she thinks she knows everything and I shouldn't question her wisdom. This woman is driving me insane already with how she insists she gets to be in the waiting room while I labor for who knows how long, and by telling me I'm a terrible person if she doesn't get to see the baby the day she is born. Every time she throws a tantrum we get closer and closer to deciding we are not telling her the baby is here until we leave recovery to come home.

rlyttle · August 2014

RedBaramid said:

My MIL has a 7 year old daughter and a 43 year old "husband" to worry about. She'll come by of course but I know when she does it will be to bring us food and see if we need a break. She'll be back to work (she's a university professor) so she won't be dropping in randomly during the day, just in the evenings. She's already started asking DH and I what kind of meals we'd like it if she brought by. Since we don't have a washer dryer she has also already told us she has no problem picking up and dropping off laundry for us and doing it at her place, since that's where we go to do our laundry anyway. Not to mention her mother is coming into town just to help out after we have the baby(but she is staying with my IL's not us yay!). That woman is a work horse and I know she's not going to let me lift a finger while she's in our home. That's how she handled the birth of all of her grandchildren, and I don't assume that will change with a great grand baby.. (the woman is only 65.)

My mother only plans on staying at our place while I'm in the hospital to help take care of the cats and help support DH by having meals for him to eat and keeping the place picked up as he runs in and out. Then she's going back to work and home (about 1.5 hrs away) and only plans on visiting on weekends that she is invited down/that we think we could use some help. She has no problem just making a day trip down if we don't want to have overnight guests.

My grandmother on the other hand... she thinks she is going to rent a hotel room by the week to stay at so she can be here to "help" every day. By help, she most certainly means criticize me, and hold the baby while I cook, clean, etc, etc, etc. She has been told MANY times that DH and I have family in town who are dedicated to being here to help us, and that she need not stay around, but she can't be convinced. It makes me so mad because my mother who is an RN recognizes that in the 26 years it has been since she had me things have changed, and she doesn't know all the answers and will not be pushing things on me unless I ask for help.. but my grandmother who hasn't had a baby in 47 years.. she thinks she knows everything and I shouldn't question her wisdom. This woman is driving me insane already with how she insists she gets to be in the waiting room while I labor for who knows how long, and by telling me I'm a terrible person if she doesn't get to see the baby the day she is born. Every time she throws a tantrum we get closer and closer to deciding we are not telling her the baby is here until we leave recovery to come home.

Can I have your MIL??

rlyttle · August 2014

I will tell you that I refuse to go somewhere else to BF my baby. Everyone (at my house) will have to deal with me nursing on the couch. I refuse to sit upstairs by myself for 30 minutes every other hour just so people feel comfortable. It worked out last time, so I'm sure they will be fine.

megs2011 · August 2014

criscbish said:
We live with my MIL (she has a separate apt in the basement), and I fear that she will come up unannounced or whenever she feels like it. When DH and I are at work, she comes up uninvited to "help" around the house, which results in more work for us in the end. It's really weird and DH has put his foot down with her several times. I can't stand my own mother being in my face all the time so anyone else's mom is just worse to me.

Does she have a separate entrance? If so, I'd have a lock on that door that she uses to come up.

Jax2013 · August 2014

I totally understand where you're coming from. My MIL and I have a horrible history. But luckily for me, my ILs don't live far away. So I don't have to worry about them sleeping over. She'll/They'll visit and be on their way. DH and I always debate about the mom thing. For example, I'm not that advanced a cook. So whenever I want to learn a new recipe, he's always like "Call my mom." And I'm like "I have my own mom, you know. Stop trying to force your mom down my throat." I'm more comfortable around my own mother, who loves me unconditionally and wants to help out as best she can. We just gotta remember that MIL has those exact same feelings for DH, no matter how much she may annoy us. So I said all of that to say No, it wouldn't be fair to let your parents stay over and have DH's parents in a hotel.

rlyttle · August 2014

Jax2013 said:

I totally understand where you're coming from. My MIL and I have a horrible history. But luckily for me, my ILs don't live far away. So I don't have to worry about them sleeping over. She'll/They'll visit and be on their way. DH and I always debate about the mom thing. For example, I'm not that advanced a cook. So whenever I want to learn a new recipe, he's always like "Call my mom." And I'm like "I have my own mom, you know. Stop trying to force your mom down my throat." I'm more comfortable around my own mother, who loves me unconditionally and wants to help out as best she can. We just gotta remember that MIL has those exact same feelings for DH, no matter how much she may annoy us. So I said all of that to say No, it wouldn't be fair to let your parents stay over and have DH's parents in a hotel.

It's not "my parents staying over". It's my mother that will come to help. My dad will only come for an afternoon one day when he brings DS and our dog back to our house. My DH's parents will come sit on the couch for 3 days and not do anything besides make a huge mess in my kitchen. We have a long history of my MIL making very poor choices so I'm sorry it's not fair, but they put themselves in this situation. Just saying.

lindsay3022 · August 2014

To be honest, I am a real you-know-what about it.

I don't want anybody here while I'm in the hospital (everyone is at least 3-4 hrs away), EXCEPT my dad who is coming in to watch my son this time. When my son was born we had nobody come into town until we called them AFTER the baby was born and said it was ok for them to come and we set clear time limits (2 nights for my IL, my mom came for a maybe 4 nights, my dad for the day).

We had two extra guest rooms when my son was born so my mom was in one and my ILs were in the other one. This time we only have one guest room so it's only one set of guests at a time.

There's a double standard between my IL and my mom because there is. Life isn't always fair. I wanted my mom around, she was more of a help to me, I was more comfortable. My husband supports his wife who just had a baby. End of story. Told you… I am a you-know-what about it and I don't care. This isn't about people's feelings and all that, this is about recouping as much as you can postpartum so you can be the best mom you can when the newborn stage wears off and everybody goes back to their own lives. IMO.

As a side note- we didn't (and won't this time) have grandparents (as in our grandparents) or siblings (as in our siblings) come until probably a month or more. Having a packed house would give me anxiety.

Also… and this is something that I didn't realize or even think about when I was a FTM but I am now. There was a time immediately postpartum (I want to say in the weeks right after, maybe 3 weeks total) where I had, like… severe anxiety. I don't know if it could be categorized as "full blown" postpartum depression but it was definitely a little bit. Hormones tank at that time, it's biological according to my doctor. However, I put this out there because if you are like me then seeing somebody who you're not comfortable with or who you don't feel has your back 110% (as in how I feel about ILs who basically see me as an incubator for their grandchildren) DROVE ME NUTS (not like FTM worries, like a physical reaction where I felt like I was barely hanging on and we were all just sitting around the living room). This time around, after a long discussion with my husband, he's agreed to play interference for me and to take the "foot off the gas" when it comes to making plans with people who want to see the new baby (ppl are already asking when they can come…) So, that might seem unrelated to this thread, but I put it out there because it wasn't something I thought of before but on this second go-around of having a baby it's weighing in on the visitor subject.

rlyttle · August 2014

lindsay3022 said:

To be honest, I am a real you-know-what about it.

I don't want anybody here while I'm in the hospital (everyone is at least 3-4 hrs away), EXCEPT my dad who is coming in to watch my son this time. When my son was born we had nobody come into town until we called them AFTER the baby was born and said it was ok for them to come and we set clear time limits (2 nights for my IL, my mom came for a maybe 4 nights, my dad for the day).

We had two extra guest rooms when my son was born so my mom was in one and my ILs were in the other one. This time we only have one guest room so it's only one set of guests at a time.

There's a double standard between my IL and my mom because there is. Life isn't always fair. I wanted my mom around, she was more of a help to me, I was more comfortable. My husband supports his wife who just had a baby. End of story. Told you… I am a you-know-what about it and I don't care. This isn't about people's feelings and all that, this is about recouping as much as you can postpartum so you can be the best mom you can when the newborn stage wears off and everybody goes back to their own lives. IMO.

As a side note- we didn't (and won't this time) have grandparents (as in our grandparents) or siblings (as in our siblings) come until probably a month or more. Having a packed house would give me anxiety.

Also… and this is something that I didn't realize or even think about when I was a FTM but I am now. There was a time immediately postpartum (I want to say in the weeks right after, maybe 3 weeks total) where I had, like… severe anxiety. I don't know if it could be categorized as "full blown" postpartum depression but it was definitely a little bit. Hormones tank at that time, it's biological according to my doctor. However, I put this out there because if you are like me then seeing somebody who you're not comfortable with or who you don't feel has your back 110% (as in how I feel about ILs who basically see me as an incubator for their grandchildren) DROVE ME NUTS (not like FTM worries, like a physical reaction where I felt like I was barely hanging on and we were all just sitting around the living room). This time around, after a long discussion with my husband, he's agreed to play interference for me and to take the "foot off the gas" when it comes to making plans with people who want to see the new baby (ppl are already asking when they can come…) So, that might seem unrelated to this thread, but I put it out there because it wasn't something I thought of before but on this second go-around of having a baby it's weighing in on the visitor subject.

You are my new best friend!! You took this right out of my head.

RedBaramid · August 2014

rlyttle said:

Can I have your MIL??

Are you kidding, I refuse to share. Sadly her amazingness comes completely from her experiences with her MIL.. her MIL honest to bob said to her "You just gave birth to them, but I am going to be the one that raises them right." when she had my oldest sister in law. At that point my MIL had just given birth at the end of the summer and was taking a semester off from a PhD program, while she was working part time, and trying to raise a family. Her MIL has actually chased off her other's sons first and second wives with how overbearing she is.. and although has never met me outside of a skype call has decided I am inferior because I don't speak Russian and am having a little girl instead of a baby boy (because I totes had control of that..).

So tl;dr her MIL was awful to her, so she vowed that with me she would always try to be kind and take my side.

amom2four · August 2014

rlyttle said:
I will tell you that I refuse to go somewhere else to BF my baby. Everyone (at my house) will have to deal with me nursing on the couch. I refuse to sit upstairs by myself for 30 minutes every other hour just so people feel comfortable. It worked out last time, so I'm sure they will be fine.

I am of the complete opposite frame of mind!! The 30 or maybe even 60 minute bf sessions will be like heaven while the chaos of dh's dad and sister and her kids are taking over my house. I am working on convincing dh to move a big overstuffed chair from the living room to my bedroom just for my hideout. He says it won't fit. I say it will. I am also stoked that my bedroom has a lock on the door.

sprocketsngadgets · August 2014

I told DH a while ago that if his family really wanted to come see LO, they absolutely would have to stay in a hotel. They are the kind of people that would be less than helpful if they were here and since they live about 800 miles away it wouldn't be a short visit. My parents live just as far away and will be coming to see us for two weeks. My mom is actually helpful (already asking what meals/freezer meals we would like her to make and stock us up with) AND they also own a house about an hour from us so I can send her away if she's overwhelming us. DH was not thrilled that my mom staying some nights was ok by me, but not ok was hosting up to four people and a dog. I do feel bad that his family won't meet LO until she's close to a year old though, since financially I don't think his family can come to us. Oh well

Djcieply · August 2014

My inlaws were waiting for us at our house when we got home from the hospital with DS (they were unable to come to the hospital to see us). I freaking hated coming home knowing they were sitting there waiting for us. I wanted to come home and sit with my new baby and relax. This time I'm definitely telling them we don't want anyone at the house till atleast the next day we are home. I don't need MIL telling me everything I'm doing wrong or arguing with me LO needs to sleep on their belly right when I get home.

AccioPizza · August 2014

StefanyaMarie said:

Oh honey, I feel for you and you are definitely not alone on this one. I have always said that my MIL could be a finalist (if not win) the worse MIL in the world competition. The woman once told me that her son was never having kids and that if I wanted them I should leave him before things got serious and that if I thought I could pressure him into it that she has a shotgun and a big backyard full of woods so no one would every find me. (Backstory: they have a genetic disease that she didn't want passed on since she didn't know it was genetic when she had kids) Well, this is our second and my husband is very excited, even with the 50/50 chance of passing along the non-life threatening disease. Anyways, they come here for a week at a time and make our lives a living hell. The last time she spent the whole time drunk whining that I wouldn't allow her to chain smoke in my house...because second hand smoke doesn't really kill people it's just a lie the government tells us to make us to scare us. She is a delusional drunk and I can't stand her. Anyways, I feel you pain. Just take a couple deep breaths and be thankful that it should only be for a night or two and know that at the end of the day they are going home and don't live close. That's what I do. Good luck and I don't let it get you down. P.S. My ILs are coming the first week of October for the local Oktoberfest celebrations....so drunks at a drinking festival...yippy!

Hope you aren't letting them stay at your house! Yuck.

MLE_C2B · August 2014

With DS1 my in laws staked out and practically barged in the second the cord was cut. I had an infection and was barfing my guts out but they still didn't give me privacy. DS was born in a sat at 5:45 pm. They were gone by 6:30-7 and didn't come back Sunday because " they had yard work". I was so insulted that they came at such an inconvenient time and then blew us off when we were in better shape for visitors. This go round they're so not getting notified until I'm good and ready for them. Also it'd be a cold day in hell before I let my MIL stay with me. I can hardly stand them for 2hr visits.

Texasgurly0313 · August 2014

My ILs won't be seeing little man (in person anyways) until he is almost 5-6 months old since they can't afford to come out here right now.

As overbearing as MIL can be, I kind of wish she was around to help (we lived about 10-15 minutes down the road from them before I left for Basic Training). She was amazing with my niece and has a little bit more recent experience with infants than my parents do. I would welcome the help. I can guarantee that when we go back to Texas to visit, she is going to volunteer to babysit so DH and I can have a night to ourselves. And I would gladly let her do it.

My parents are gonna be here the Sunday after I get induced, so we will probably be home by the time they get here or shortly afterwards. They aren't staying with us because we only have one bathroom (it is upstairs), and my mom has trouble getting up and down stairs and getting in and out of regular bathtubs (she broke her hip a few years ago, and it's healed but she still has issues from it). They have said they will be as hands on (or vice versa) as we want them to be, so we will see how things go.

mrsdanielleM2010 · August 2014

I've been with my dh since December 2006, and the only disagreements I've ever had with his mother have had to do with baby. She doesn't support breastfeeding, cloth diapering, glass bottles, me going back to work, that there won't be a tv in lo's room, and more. Also she is a notorious baby hog. With her own children she accepted no help and restricted how much time others got to spend with them, but she expects that at family functions people will just let her hold their babies for hours.

When this baby comes, my mom will be coming over for a week or two to cook, clean, help me learn, and to give me breaks. When I had surgery in Jan 2013, she came for 3 days and was extremely helpful. When other people dropped by to visit she took care of the hosting so that I could focus on recovering. I expect my mom to be super helpful. This is definitely a twist because day to day my mom is more frequently the unreasonable one and MIL is great. I guess they handle big events differently.

MIL knows my mom is coming to stay but we haven't discussed how frequently she will be here (she lives 10 minutes away). I would imagine that she's going to be jealous of my mom and it will be an issue no matter what we end up setting up.

clkriley89 · August 2014

lindsay3022 said:

There's a double standard between my IL and my mom because there is. Life isn't always fair. I wanted my mom around, she was more of a help to me, I was more comfortable. My husband supports his wife who just had a baby. End of story.

This is exactly what I wanted to say but didn't have the guts to say. DH obviously is closer to his mom than mine, so why can't I want my mom with me more than my MIL?? Problem is my mom works full time and my MIL doesn't work at all so we all know how that's going to go. 8-|

AmandaR204 · August 2014

My MIL was in the room when I delivered DS. I assume she'll do the same with DD next month. I remember yelling at her because she was holding him after he was born, and falling asleep with him in her arms, I told her twice to give him over since she's tired, and I didn't want her to drop him. she refused...so when she dozed off again I stormed over and snatched him out if her hands.

Katelstewart7 · August 2014

My MIL expected us to come over there after DS was born. I was EBF but had to pump all the milk due to latch issues, not to mention trying to recover from vaginal delivery. I was in pain, and she never once offered to come over and do anything. They are 5 minutes away!! My mom came and was awesome, did everything she could for me.

alanaw121 · August 2014

My mom is a saint when it comes to cleaning and helping out around the house. This weekend I had a PTL scare and she watched DS, cleaned my entire house and did about 10 loads of laundry while we were at the hospital. Then, when we got home she took DS to the grocery store to stock our fridge and let us both get some sleep. She is amazing.

Unfortunately, my MIL is 15 years older than my mom and can't be on her feet much. She also can't do stairs or bend down a lot and is very overweight so her helping out is usually doing a handful of dishes and pointing to where I missed dog hair when I swept.

My mom still works and MIL doesn't so I'm pretty sure she is planning to come stay with us for a few weeks after LO gets here. I'd be okay with her being here is help, if she actually helped but she is also very very clumsy. Constantly dropping everything and nearly falling so the thought of her walking around while holding LO is terrifying. Luckily DH is also worried about the last part so it's not me against the two of them. I think I am going to end up begging my mom to come up the week after I have LO and pay her for the work she's missing just so his MIL will stay away for the first week while I'm not in such good shape. (I'm also a baby when I'm not feeling well and still just want my mom)

alisonc87 · August 2014

My in laws live next door, so there is no hiding. They (and that I mean my MIL) just come over when they see one of our cars home. She means well, but is overbearing and (I wish I was kidding) throws tantrums if we don't do what she says (asking her to get the TDAP shot, or her wanting my DH to call all of her family soon as the baby comes out, just because she doesn't want to). We have learned to ignore her, and will be setting serious ground rules. My dad I am sure won't be as overbearing or pushy, but I will probably be hiding out at his house to avoid my mil often!

Want a personalized experience?

Anyone not looking forward to ILs visiting after birth?

Re: Anyone not looking forward to ILs visiting after birth?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards