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I feel so empty, and emotionaly unstable.. (warning recent loss, and older children mentioned)

ChellsnCheeseChellsnCheese member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss


I have had previous miscarriages in the past that I have had to let pass on their own and they were so horrible, however; recently I lost my son at 14w 4 d due to no fetal heart tones, that was on July 24th, I am doing good at pretending I am ok, I am doing so well that I have even convinced myself I am ok. Yes the physical symptoms have stopped and I am up running around with the other kids, but in silence I can't shake the pain, I look in the mirror and notice my stomach flattening again, I see other pregnant women and almost lose it. But all in all I have maintained control, yesterday when I went for my 2 week follow up the nurse walked towards the room I had to go in before I went to labor deliever, and I broke down, my husband had to just embrace me, I felt so bad, I am so strong, why can't I control this? This emotional pain is like nothing I have ever experienced and I just want it to numb a little, my poor husband has to hear about it all the time and I just don't know how to take a little of the sting away or control myself more, suggestions anyone?

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Re: I feel so empty, and emotionaly unstable.. (warning recent loss, and older children mentioned)

  • negritosmaminegritosmami member
    sorry for your loss...i honestly think there is nothing that will ever take the pain away. I find that when i give myself projects or something small to look forward to daily or even weekly that helps. Like i have been focusing on decorating our new house or planning trips or even something as small as looking forward to getting dressed up this weekend gives me something to focus on and helps a LITTLE..but i still have a pain in my heart that wont go away

    ~TTC #1 Since 3/2014
    ~BFP #1 6/2014      EDD 2/11/15
    ~MMC 7/31/14 @12weeks ~D&C /2/2014  

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  • kerbear135kerbear135 member
    I am sorry for your loss.

    The pain will never go completely away- over time the pain may lessen, but even 2+ yrs after my first loss, the pain is still there to some degree. It's ok to recognize that pain and grieve- allowing yourself to be said is part of the process- there is not time limit to it, and you shouldn't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. I've noticed I have good days and bad ones, and slowly the good ones are out numbering the bad ones, but there are still moments that something triggers me and i find myself really sad.


    image
    image


    BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
    BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
    BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14
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  • salsa_wifeysalsa_wifey member

    I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my baby at nearly 16 weeks back in April and I'm still struggling.  I hate all pregnanty women and hate the facebook posts about them complaining about hormones and whatever else.  Please let me be fat, uncomfortable and full of crazy hormones... I'll take it all.  For me it's been a lot of anger and anxiety.  Lately it's been more anxiety.  Crazy amounts that keep me from eating or sleeping or concentrating. 

    All I have to say is, it takes time.  Time to heal emotionally.  You'll never forget but it will get easier. 

    If you feel it's extreme though, try talking to your doctor.  They may be able to help you.  Your body goes through a lot after a loss.  Your hormones are going crazy and your body needs time to regulate itself.

    Another suggestion is a support group.  You came here which is great, but maybe try looking to a IRL support group in your community.  Sometimes it helps to talk to people face to face.

    (((Hugs)))

    image 

    | <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</a>[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/43ff7d]
    [img]http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ticker/43ff7d/ttc.png[/img]
    [/    RA with Sjogren's Syndrome. Risk of heart block in newborn. Age: DH and I are both 38.
    BFP #1: 11/25/2007, EDD 7/28/2008 - Missed m/c (blighted ovum) 12/6/2007 6w3d, D&C 1/3/2008.
    BFP #2: 4/2008 - Natural m/c at 6w.
    Met with RE in 5/2008 full cycle analysis and SA normal. Not considered high risk for blood clots but prescribed 1 baby aspirin a day precautionary during TTC and Progesterone suppositories during 1st trimester of pregnancy.
    BFP #3: 10/17/2008. EDD 6/23/2009,  Third time's the charm! Healthy baby boy born 6/27/2009 via emergency c-section.
    BFP #4: 6/14/2011. Healthy baby boy born 2/16/2012 via elective c-section.
    BFP #5: 1/15/2014. EDD 9/22/2014.     2/17/14:.We have a BABY!!! Heart rate 167 and measuring on time. 3/10/14 u/s #2 baby measuring perfectly at 12 weeks at heart rate of 166. NT u/s was normal. Maternit21 blood draw on 3/5/14. Results back on 3/19 - Normal.  It's a BOY!!!  4/10/14 at 16 weeks, 3 days discovered baby's heart stopped at 15 weeks, 6 days. D&C 4/11/14.  Pathology results were all normal.  New information on 8/11/14 - blood test revealed 1/3 of babys blood was in mine caused, most likely, by a tear in the placenta from extreme coughing.  Doctor believes this to be the cause of death.  Repeat D&C and Hysteroscopy scheduled for 8/19/14.  My Chart

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  • cherylanddougcherylanddoug member
    ((hugs)) I am so sorry for your losses.  This is a really tough thing to go through.  Take time to heal.  Talk to us, your friends, and/or a professional.  Losing a child/children can take you to some dark places because it destroys your vision for the future. 
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