Results in, have some answers but feeling pretty down...(pregnancies mentioned, not mine)

dancerspose · August 2014

Well, finally met with the RE again yesterday and my official diagnosis is PCOS. DH's SA was normal, so that's good. She went over all the possible treatment plans with us, and, as expected we left just totally overwhelmed. There are still some tests she would prefer to do before we started any treatment plans so it looks like I'd still be at least 2-3 months away (knowing my crazy body) from really taking any action. I apologize, because here's where we leave facts behind and my rambling starts. I was obviously very upset. I thought having answers would make me feel better, but now all I feel like is a disappointment. What's even worse is DH seems to have been in a completely different appointment then me. Granted he had gotten off a 24 hour shift (firefighter) that morning and was exhausted, but he somehow took what the doctor said to mean "these things take time." While I seem to be needing to take some time to wallow and feel sorry for myself (told myself I'd allow a one day pity party) his coping method seems to be avoidance and denial that there's really a problem. I'd understand him acting that way if we had MFI, but since it's me I'm not sure why he's reacting that way. So, I totally lost it last night. I was holding it together well until he told me we got invitation to a baby shower for his BF (who knocked up his girlfriend unplanned). Add into that the fact that my SIL is due with the first grandchild in my family any day now and I'm a mess. To be honest, I don't know what we're going to do yet. I just don't know if I have the emotional (and financial) strength to put myself through month after month of pills and ultrasounds and blood tests, turning our sex life into a chore....I read about all your stories and what strong warriors you are, and I just feel weak. I know that's the shock talking, and that things aren't that dire right now. I guess I'm just having a hard time accepting the new reality. I just want to pull my covers over my head and hide out for a week. Sorry for the self-pitying rant, but thanks for giving me a safe place to put all that out there. I'm going to go try to locate my big girl panties now....

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

I'll echo Naria....if someone would have told me that I'd be headed into IVF #2 Take 2...I never would have believed that.

It becomes normal. And, honestly, the monitoring and all for an IUI cycle isn't bad at all.

What if it worked on IUI #1?

catlover790 · August 2014

I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed about the appointment. It was a lot of info to take in and it was hard after because I felt like I was admitting that it wasn't going to happen without help. So, I understand those feelings.

I have found I'm taking it one cycle at a time. We're starting small and will move on gradually to more treatment. Also, (for me) once I started going to the appointments I realized it wasn't too bad and I'd be willing to do this again next month.

We're here for you!! hugs!

BKBABY3 · August 2014

yep, @NariaDreaming couldn't be more right. We've all felt that way. Recently I've had a few close friends tell me how strong I am and I've thought....really? But then I take a step back and realize they are right!

We find the strength within us when it counts, and let ourselves call in sick and cry when we need to recoup. You will also be strong when you have to be, and know that it's okay to lose your sh*t on the other days.

Hugs.

tweetyknicks · August 2014

Go ahead and hide for a week (besides the practicalities of going to work and such). Recover from the shock. Everyone is "weak" at some point, though I would argue that it is a natural reaction to a major setback. What determines strength is how you deal with it in the long term. Do you give up and say it'll never work or do you give yourself time for a pity party, then pick yourself up and continue with testing and a treatment plan? (Granted, there are times when giving up is a good idea, but it doesn't sound like you're anywhere near that yet.)

Maybe this is the way your DH deals with the surprise. Maybe he's in denial. Either way, a little time and more testing and contact with the doctor may help him realize that PCOS *can* (though not necessarily always does) harm fertility to the point that assistance is needed.

Rant, ramble, and rely on this board for information and support. Everyone's challenges here are given value when we can use what we've learned to help others.

MrsLolaSky · August 2014

NariaDreaming and previous posters said it so well, but I wanted to just add my thoughts and support to you, too. You should have seen my intro post here a few months ago when we first got some "answers"! I was pretty distraught about the whole thing. The ladies here were so supportive. And now, about two months later, I am feeling a lot better. DH and I feel so much more ready to take this journey on, wherever it leads us.

Some days are worse than others, I won't lie. ***warning*** Shower invites, BFP announcements, u/s text messages (WHY DO FRIENDS DO THAT??!?! I know that they don't know…)

But most days, we're hopeful--and grateful we have each other so that we can do this together. Good luck to you! And good luck to all of us!

Katherine0 · August 2014

Sorry your feeling this way

It's been said before, but everyone here has gone and come back around with this. It's a terrible feeling, and very hard to cope with. My family says some pretty ignorant things about IF too, but You just have to nudge it off. I'm on my first break since TTC, and I can't even being to tell you how great I am feeling. So relaxed and calm, granted it's ALAWYS in my head, but I can at least take a breather now. Good luck, and just remember to breathe.

BunnyBerry · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your painful feelings. I find it so annoying too that DH always tries to minimize the problem and complain about doing anything to address it! Perhaps YH just has really strong faith in your doctor to take care of you?

I'm sorry about your PCOS diagnosis. Whether it's female, male, or combined factor, it's such an emotional experience to receive a diagnosis. Know that you are not alone at all, and the cool part is, PCOS diagnoses show the highest pregnancy chances for medicated IUI cycles!

I think the thing that helps me get through the challenges of IF is remembering to take it one day at a time. When I can, I try to take a day here and there to ignore IF, and then when I need to, I spend a day here and there indulging in baby/pregnancy obsession. Allowing a pity party once in a while is crucial for sanity, and for reminding our husbands how much emotional strain we are actually handling!

It sounds like once the testing is complete, it might help to have one more consult with DH there, and get a very clear answer on how much you need treatment and how important it is if you two want to be parents?

Covers and hiding out sound amazing. Can we have a 3T retreat? I think it was mentioned in an earlier thread this week. No men, no sperm!

dancerspose · August 2014

Thank you ladies so much for all the words of encouragement. It helps enormously just to know that what I'm feeling is pretty normal in this world. I called off work today, spent the morning lounging in bed, the afternoon numbing my brain with dumb tv, and plan to spend the evening drowning it all in wine. Tomorrow, when I wake up, I'll be ready to face the new day and this journey head on!

Champs28 · August 2014

I'm so sorry. I know what it feels like to have your husband not really get it. Is it possible he's just trying to be the strong one here? Take r one day and one cycle at a time. Lots of love and hugs (and alcohol)

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Results in, have some answers but feeling pretty down...(pregnancies mentioned, not mine)

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